my ode to skincare.

okay, so for the past few months i've been involved in a very special and awesome skincare group that focuses mainly on AB beauty. (AB is Asian Beauty yo) and it's really ignited my love and passion for skincare. 

if you don't know (or don't remember) i started being interested in skincare a few years back when my skin suddenly went haywire. i don't know what caused it, i don't even know how i fixed it (lol) but suddenly my skin, which was previously combination oily and acne prone but generally not horrible, started becoming flaky, and very dry, and very painful. i developed eczema patches under my eyes and around my forehead, and i was very depressed at the time. i felt horrible and i thought i looked horrible. 

i also began to experience allergic reactions to seemingly random products. some that i've used before, some that i bought to counter my skin issues. i was distraught, i was spending so much money buying skincare that i couldn't wear! so i started to research and carefully understand the stuff that i was putting on my skin. i was on a mission to fix this shit, and i wasn't gonna give up on my skin. 

at the time, my interested leaned heavily towards western skincare, specifically natural and organic ingredients. the simpler the ingredients were, the better for me because then i'd be able to identify what triggered my allergic reactions. i relied on oils (rosehip oil will forever be my jam, but argan oil really worked for my skin then) and rosewater (soothing and good for dry skin) and i loved honey masks (manuka honey because of the higher antibacterial ingredients). over the following years, my skin slowly healed, and it went from becoming super dry and flaky, to just dry, and then to normal (those days were the best. no pimples and no dryness lol) and now, my skin's back to it's usual combo oily self. i'm really happy with how my skin is at the moment, and more than that i'm happy that i took the time to learn about what i was putting on my face. 

now, at the time, due to my many sensitivities i of course leaned towards organic and natural skincare. however, now that i've learned more about skincare in general, i know and understand that natural does not necessarily mean better. some natural ingredients can aggravate acne, and some chemical-based (is this the right term? idk) like AHAs and BHAs can help the skin...when used correctly, of course. so now, 5 years later, here i am. i research most of the products i want to buy, i take care of my skin and pamper it because i only have the one face so might as well, and i try not to fall into skincare hypes or lean too heavily on what salespeople tell me about a certain product. so on and so forth, you know. 

having said all these things, i return to the main point of my rant lol. i'm now into Asian skincare. i like how affordable they are, and how they have products that target specific needs instead of a one-size-fits-all thing that some western brands adopt (although some AB brands do have those as well). more importantly, i think AB stuff suits my skin and where i live more cos they emphasize on layers of hydration, rather than 1 thick layer of cream that sits heavily on the skin (which suits their weather but feels kinda horrible in malaysia's humid conditions). sometimes i find products i like and wanna rave about them. sometimes i learn about skincare tips that make my skin feel and look amazeballs. sometimes i hate a product with a passion and wanna er, caution everyone else lol. 

whatever the case may be, i feel like i want to do more skincare and makeup-based (never forget the makeup lol) posts more on this blog, if i like them enough (and they're not ranty AF) then i might be persuaded to start a skincare and beauty blog as a personal record of my skincare journey. i don't know, i'm feeling a bit inspired at the moment. we'll see!

aaaand that's it for my skincare rant lol. next up, a post about something! idk. lol. bye!

psychosomatic wounds to the heart.

"let's compare scars, i'll tell you whose is worse" 

why do you do this to yourself?
time and time again you've told yourself to be stronger,
but time and time again you have failed.
you should be used to this.

you loan your heart out so freely to others,
always wishing for the best,
you feel too deeply,
for strangers and friends alike.

please don't despair,
words are just...words.
they cannot hurt you (yet they do).
they tear tiny little holes in your heart.

but then again,
that is your own fault,
for feeling too much,
for seeing ghosts in hidden corners,
for hearing whispers where there is only wind.

so i ask again,
why do you do this to yourself?
you have only yourself to blame.

update to makeup use-up challenge.

hello human world. i realize now that i had completely forgotten about updating my makeup use-up challenge here on my blog. which is normal. i am a forgetful sod. forgive me. but fear not, i have been very (read: kinda) diligent with using up, panning and destashing my current makeup stuff so that i am closer towards achieving a well-loved collection. 

it's been a long journey, and man it's kind of exhausting to actively try to use stuff up. some days i think to myself, is this torture worth it? then i realize how #firstworldproblem this is and how much of an idiot i am and all is well. 

to be honest, i didn't follow the rules that i had first set up for myself in my previous post. here's a breakdown of what happened:

1. duration of low-buy: 1 may 2016 to 31st july 2016. REALITY: i did actually go on a low-buy for a while, but i of course broke it. it was horrible, tears were shed. this was an epic EPIC fail. 
2. budget of RM100 per month for makeup. REALITY: nope nope nope. in the beginning it was fantastic, i didn't buy much apart from some stuff here and there, but as time went on my itch for buying makeup increased, and i relapsed. i'm hoping it'll be better for next year (2017) as i can only improve from here onwards right? right? 
3. the money allocated towards a particular month, if unspent, can be carried forward to the next month. REALITY: NOPE.
4. impulse purchases are not allowed! REALITY: i have been loads better with my purchases. most of them are carefully researched, some impulse purchases still happened but they're all drugstore. 
5. i am allowed to destash items that are in my makeup use-up challenge provided that i've made a lot of effort to try and make them work. REALITY: yes to this! omg i had so many shit that i hated but still tried to make them work for me. that bareminerals foundation? tossed it!
6. i need to use up at least 20 items from my makeup use-up list. i can add items into the use-up list, but i cannot take an item out of the list. REALITY: hooo boy, this is where i excelled. you won't believe this. i actually used up/panned/destashed 37 products from my collection! amazing! fantastic! woo back pat! some stuff i thought i'd use up are still goin' strong, like the stila setting powder. sometimes i hit ninja pan, where i didn't anticipate hitting pan so early, like my stila eyeshadow in sunset and a topshop cream blush. overall i am super proud of myself, and i'm still trying to use up some stuff so i hit the 40 mark. go me! 

lemme break it down further mmkay?

makeup use-up challenge: rulezzzz.

a few days after posting my plans for the makeup use-up challenge 2016, i realized several things simultaneously. first of all, i think i am being waaaay too confident in my abilities to not shop during a sale, lololol. i also realize that i didn't have any rules to my challenge and no-buy which i have to adhere to. i've been reading a lot of posts from reddit's makeuprehab, and have since realized that there's a low-buy (where i buy some stuff occassionally), no-buy (where i buy nothing at all), and a replacement only no-buy (where i can only repurchase stuff that i've run out of). there's also something called a planned purchase, where you can only buy items from a carefully thought out and well-researched list of products (your wishlist).

i think i'm first going to do a low-buy, so that means i buy makeup occasionally, but i am putting a stronger emphasis on just buying stuff that i've run out of...which in the case of my makeup, i don't think i'm going to run out of anything except for lip primers and mascaras...oh and eyeliners for the waterline (as i currently only have 1 that i can use on my waterline now). now if this low-buy is successful, i am going to 

so, after thinking about it extensively, i think these will be my rules for this challenge:

• duration of low-buy: i want to start slow so for now it's from 1 may 2016 to 31st july 2016. 
• rather than cutting out my makeup spending entirely, it's better if i set a strict budget for myself to spend on makeup items every month. right now i think i'm gonna set it at rm100 per month. i am doing this because although i don't have any items that i feel like buying now, i think this is bound to change as my enthusiasm slowly wanes haha. 
• the money allocated towards a particular month, if unspent, can be carried forward to the next month. so if i only spent rm20 for may, then for june i will have a budget of rm180. i hope this can cultivate a careful spending habit for the future.
• impulse purchases are not allowed! buyers' remorse is a bich (misspelling intentional)
• i am allowed to destash items that are in my makeup use-up challenge provided that i've made a lot of effort to try and make them work. (i'm thinking of you bare minerals ready foundation, you little arse)
• i need to use up at least 20 items from my makeup use-up list. i can add items into the use-up list, but i cannot take an item out of the list. honestly though, i can't think of an occasion where i'd take something out of the list haha. i will however celebrate the shit out of using up a product not within the list because yo, using up makeup takes determination ok.

erm, i think is all of the rules? maybe if i get through this one i can do the challenge differently and make it more difficult. there's a one in, one out rule where i have to use or destash something from within my collection before i can replace it with something else. there's also one where if you use a product up, you will get a certain amount of money added into your budget, i.e. if i used up one  full-sized foundation, then rm10 is added to my budget, rm5 for deluxe sized items, and so on. there's so many ways of doing this honestly.

okayyyy, that's it from me. i think i might make another post, just cos i'm bored and trying to delay having to sidai kain lollllz. bye!

the makeup use-up challenge 2016.

as i promised yesterday, here is a more detailed post on my current seemingly fruitless endeavor, which is the makeup use-up challenge. i first saw this challenge on youtube being done by a bunch of people, and i think it was started by the youtuber elle is for living? it seemed like an interesting challenge, and knowing that i really needed to focus on using products from my existing stash, i decided that i wanted to join the challenge informally. 

so for the past 4 months or so, i have selected a bunch of makeup items that i either want to use up, use more of, or give another chance before i throw them out. all of these items are honestly quite old items that i want to use up before they go bad, some of them i really do like and some of them not so much. 

now, i've looked at the list that i made last night, and have decided that i actually need to put in more lipstick products in there, since there were only 4 lip products and i already used 1 up yesterday haha. and seeing as how i dubbed 2016 as my "year of the lipstick" i think i kind of need to use up more of my lipsticks and slim down my stash. 

so here's the new list of items that i would like to finish/hit pan/get rid of (but only if i really can't make it work for me). this is A LOT of flippin' makeup to go through haha. here they are according to their categories: