to beg and steal and lie and cheat.

uh, so. i'm at the office, and there are things i should be doing that are way more productive

than writing crap on my blog, but what the hell. live a little, right?

hee.

since the new year, two oh double one, is jut around the corner peeking at me like a perv,

i thought that it's only appropriate (and a bit expected) to have a post for my new year's

resolution.

bah humbug i kinda hate new year's resolutions. i never remember them. i never do much

about them. i'm lazy like that.

buuuuuuut anyways, a list is in order! how am i gonna do this huh? hmm, let's give these

babies some division, because everyone should know i'm such a list freak.

(this is almost a lie. i do like lists, but not that much. i like making them, and writing them down using

sharpies of various colours with different styles of writing and...yeah. that reminds me. where are my

sharpies? where did they go?)

oookay. moving on. read after jump!

woo hoo.

i really don't know why, but all the blogs i've been following seems to have been erased or lost, for some unknown reason. and i'm way too lazy to find them back. shiieeeettt.

i've also noticed that the font size i'm using is way too small, which can only mean that either blogspot messed up or i'm just getting older. yech.

my office got a one day vacation today, after all of that work we had to go through for the nkra project. from what i can gather, they're tenders for schools all around malaysia that needs renovation and upgrading works, so i do feel like i've accomplished something quite worthwhile, haha. well..anyways, i went to klcc today to try and find a way to get my watch repaired. no can do. arrrgh sometimes i wonder why warranties even exist. these people never let consumers user them anyways, grr.

oh, which brings me to my next point. i realllllly need to tone down on all the shopping. it's hard la tapi, because it's year end sale time kot. everywhere i go people seem to be carrying loads of shopping bags, and we women, we bond over these things. since i've become a total girl nowadays, i find it kind of awesome to shop because it de-stresses, you know? like, if i buy something i like, i'll have something to look forward to at the end of that day and it'll make me happy. i do think that this is quite materialistic, but it's not really that.

i just...like stuff. not all stuff, so that means i'm still safe. but some stuff. :D and ain't i proud of it, ha.

i have been neglecting my video games. i suck because of that, i agree. sibuk sangat la. i barely have the strength to open my eyes at the end of each working day, so nak bukak laptop and hadap game lagi la tak larat. it requires FULL ATTENTION, which i can't afford to give.

i'm so sorry geralt. :( you're still one rad dude though man. salut!

but i'm still awesome.

aaaaaaaaahhh.

i've been way too busy (read : lazy) to update this blog. as you all might not know, i've just started working at a QS consultant firm in damansara. it's pretty tiring, because i'm always unssure of what i'm supposed to and if i'm doing it right. so kena buat muka seposen and ask a lot of questions. yech.

i feel the insane urge to shop. i think this is because of the fact that malaysia is currently at it's finest season : the YES season. yeah, the year end sale in malaysia is pretty cool but it's actually a bore compared to what i've seen in saudi. those people treat shopping like a frickin' job.

but meh...shopping. makes me get butterflies inside and all. and the best part is i can use my own hard earned money to shop, so i don't feel so...uh, guilty. hahaha.

i'm too tired to rant. and i don't have any ideas on what to say. nothing interesting ever happens to me anymore.

life is boring. meep. :(

girls just wanna have fun.

ohhhkay.
don't get me wrong, i love being a girl. i get to dress up all the time.
(see, this is what girls do. they dress up. hmm. i think so, anyways)

but i have a current secret (or not so secret) obsession right now.
and quite frankly, it's embarassing. and frickin' girly.
i am obsessed with...

makeup.

er, what? omg ew.
lol, yeah. it's kind of true. i am currently obsessed with makeup and all that type of girly shit.
i can't help it. i'm also highly embarassed by it for some reason,
because as a kid i was such a tomboy.
i climbed trees, i didn't wear skirts, i thought heels were torturous devices.
i once used a slingshot on a dude because i'm evil like that, tee hee.
but yeah, the idea quite freaked me out. (i still hate skirts though, to be honest) :P

but yeah, reason i'm habing this confession is because i just had a major (for me) beauty haul yesterday at mid. like, i spent a lot of my hard earned first salary cash for it..not that much la. but a lot for me, because i am a kedekut sort of person. but very worth it, in my increasingly girly opinion lol.

so. i bought:
1) some eyeshadows from elianto.
they were dirt cheap man, like rm1.50 for one pan. but yeah, not so good la the quality. but being a makeup newbie, i'm always ready for experimenting ha.
2) face primer from bloom.
i bought this from shins, and tbh i think it has waaaayyy better service than the other shops i went to which was sasa and mac. the shop assistant was super friendly, and even though i was shit broke at the time already i really wanted to buy something because i was so happy with how she treated me. lol i'm stupid like that. but hey, the product's awesome so far. :D
3) some brushes and and eye primer by red earth from sasa.
haven't tried these out yet. hmm.
4) one mac paint pot in indianwood.
mac. MAC! ohhh yeah konon kaya la dapat gaji kan? lololol. i bought this becauce i got so sick of seeing the reviews on these things on youtube. this is a cream shadow that can also be used as a eye base, and it's frankly quite rad. it's a darker brown colour than my skintone, and it's all shiny and shimmery and it makes me look not so unkempt. i look like angelina jolie already. XD

hmm. so that's it. i also bought a belated birthday gift for my brother.
i gave him training gloves or whatever you call those gloves you wear for the gym,
because i am cool like that. ohhh yeah.

actually, these aren't the first beauty products i have.
i have tons of eyeliner, because i've loved those since my 2nd year of uni anyway methinks.
i have lipsticks given to me by my ever-so-cool mom, and i also live lipbalms because my lips have been going crazy since the first time i came back from saudi.
i am trying to get more eyeshadows because if i can master putting on eyeshadow i'm pretty much a makeup expert already haha.

i have a few reasons as to why i am suddenly so into makeup. first, i'm already 23 years old, but i kinda look like i'm still 16, so it's kinda hard to be taken seriously. so i'm trying to strengthen my image and make myself look very uh...mature. if that's even possible. i also have to look presentable for work, because i ain't working from home honey. and last but not least, i like makeup. it's like having a canvas where you can put all sorts of stuff onto it and show it to people.

...having said that, i'm actually a neutral sort of person. i wear a lot of browns je. :P

so, that's my very long post about makeup. it's a good thing i came out of the makeup closet, or i would have had to carry that with me for life. sigh. ooh i know! maybe one day when i have no sense of shame i can post pictures of my face for you guys to laugh at! yeah!
:P

guh.

you know what?
you're just like other guys.

and i don't think too highly about you right now.
so eff off loser.

please don't get me rescued.

"one last time, i'll be strong,

but whatever you do,

please don't get me rescued"

so, because i can't go watch harry potter and the deathly hallows part one at the movies as of yet, i've decided to take matters into my own filthy little paws and buy the game. well, it's half blood prince, but you get what i mean. i'm just that excited, lol.

apart from my brother and me (or is it my brother and i? adoi.) i don't meet too many people who actually love playing games as much as i do. i mean, yeah some of my buddies do like playing those fifa soccer games and all that, but i honestly think those are mindnumbingly boring. sorreh.

i haven't met one actual person who's actually as excited as i am that the witcher 2 is coming out in 2011, or who can recommend some awesome fps games that i can totally get into. why? why is that? is it because my interests are totally boring or because everyone else is all grown up and stuff? :\

oh no.

oh god. i just scratched my nose and my hand totally smells like wally's litter. not the poo litter, the sand itself. it smells like apples. it's not like i didn't wash my hand thorooughly afterwards, it's just that i just cleaned and put new sand into his poo-box. the smell really sticks.

(unsure if this is a good thing or not, but won't elaborate any further)

i wonder what everyone's been up to.

i want to buy stuff. i have no gaji yet. i feel small and quite insignificant because i haven't got my gaji yet.

i need to buy a cooler master, because of my internet/gaming/laptop using addictions.

this is a new laptop, and it's already giving me a headache.

i need to buy some camel coloured pants to wear to work. you know, to jazz up my outfit. (becoz i so stylish la)

randomly (again),

people who have kareoke in weddings are sad, sad people. well, okay, at least if you wanna have tone-deaf people singing in one of the most memorable moments in your life you should be consider other people who don't want to even be associated to said tone-deaf people. jangan la pasang lagu kawin kuat-kuat. jangan la main kompang semangat sangat sampai kucing aku lari ketakutan. jangan la buat majlis malam-malam sampai pukul 12. ada orang mau tido paham taaaaak?

(end rant)

i am totally sending these people some hatemail. plus, i will not add them on facebook. never! (private joke)

luke, i am your father.

it's eleven something something, and i am already sleepy.
see how work has taken a toll on my life?

uhh, so. i never seem to write anything interesting in here.
have i ever anyways? :\

i'm kinda broke nowadays. because i can't get the pay for my current job (end of the month baru dapat all of it) and my new job's not started yet, and i don't want to spend all of the cash my parents gave me because then i'll be really broke and then i will have to eat meggi.
but that might help with my diet, since i am all for being 'healthy'nowadays.
...okay maybe healthier. not healthy.

for a start, i exercise everyday now.
i don't eat rice all that much anymore, because you know, white rice ain't that good for you.
but i still snack. and that is a huge problem.
i've always been a snacking kind of person.
chips, cookies, canned fruits, random stuff. i love all of them. i think i'm addicted, oh no.
and as we speak, i stare guiltily at the packet of cookies i just bought today.
they're hell on the body, but they're delicious. i mean, i can't be super healthy can i?
that'd just be insane. hah.
:l aaaahhh fine i'll cut back on snacks.

i'm more than 10% sure that i smell like shit right now.
because i haven't showered yet after coming back from the gym.
ahhh no. must go shower. cannot smell self. will faint.

oh by the way, anyone who is anyone who is anyone i like should mosdefly watch man vs wild. or man, woman, wild. it's on discovery channel, and i think it's awesome.
basically these people are stranded in certain places (e.g desert, amazon, geddit?) and they have to survive for like, 3 days by themselves. they have to hunt for food, make their own shelters and whatnot, and do all the stuff they have to to survive. they have to eat stuff like crocodiles, snakes, worms, opossums (which people actually eat in normal situations, so ew). i like reality shows like this because they're informative and it's actually kind of awesome. i think if i were to get lost in a jungle somewhere i could probably, hmm..start a fire?
...well all the same i think from now on i'm always gonna carry a lighter with me. just in case. and some rope. and cloth. and food. and bottles of water.

yes i am crazy like that. ta!

looking for a boyfriend.

"i got you all figured out,

you need everyone's eyes just to feel seen"

ah. i knew that post title would interest you, secret stalker.
how have you been? good? hmm?
ah, well i've been a bit busy, lots of things going on and such.

this topic is interesting huh?
well, afraid not. honestly i think the best thing about having a boyfriend is having someone to talk to when you're bored, and someone to hang out with when you're...well, also bored. but all that lovey dovey stuff kinda gets tiring after a while, does it not? i mean, at first you're so ecstatic and happy that you've find the one, then you spend all your time devoting yourself to him/her, then you feel like you're so in sync with your 'other half'.

meh, those things, they fade away pretty fast. pretty soon you're making those tiny little black wishes and you're always in a bad mood. and it's not like you want to be that way right? god forbid you be anything other than cool and awesome. but love, it does things to your head. messes with your self-confidence. makes you vulnerable. some people say that's one of the best things about being in love.

i say that is jack-shit. nobody likes being vulnerable. everybody has walls that can't be penetrated unless they want you to, and most people aren't comfortable with walls with holes in them. so we fight, and we question our sanity, and we wonder why the hell we do this kind of thing, it's not worth the hurt and the suck.

then tomorrow we make up and we're suddenly in love again. guh.

maybe we humans are a masochistic bunch. we thrive on pain, love it, we wanna suck it all in. or maybe i just haven't really fallen in love with the right person yet, and all that love drama that i've experienced and heard about from people are part of the picture. maybe there are people who really fall in love, can understand and tolerate each other, and genuinely care about one another to the point where people go "awww".

maybe i'll find that kind of love someday, you know? someone i can talk to who actually listens and understands me, someone with cool interests who i can totally get into, someone who doesn't have to change for me, and i don't have to think about changing for him.

i mean, when you think carrefully about it, all the psycho exes or bitter relationships that you've had is all because love is kind of stressful, you know? it's not something that can be casually tossed around.
i don't think you should ever say "i love you" to someone without actually committing to him/her, so be careful when you say that stuff, okay? i'd rather have a relationship with someone who says it after 5 months than with someone who says it after being with me for like, 5 days. because hello, you don't even know me. how can you love me? kan kan?

aiseh. love is such a complicated topic. everyone thinks differently when it comes to lurrrve. me? like half of the world's population who still hasn't found their other half, i'm still waiting for love to come find me. because i'm lazy, harhar.

and well, i don't want to be defined by my relationship status. i'm trying so hard to avoid that. you know how some people say, you'll never be lonely when you're in a relationship. that's bull. you can be in a relationship of 10 years and still be the loneliest person on earth. so right now, i'm waiting for love to come to me and in the mean time, i want to be able to be alone, and perfectly happy with it.

it's not an easy task, but hey, i'm going there. :D

there's an ant on my desk. yay.

hello people. how have you been?

it's been a while (a short while) since i've updated. so i guess some people (or none) are wondering what i'm up to now.

well i'm a research assistant at universiti malaya now. yay me for at least nailing one job! haha.

it's okay, the job doesn't entail much yet at the moment because i just started like, last week. some of my tasks include accounting, researching, doing surveys and all that. it's a major plus that i live so close to the university and the people here are friendly. so well, cool. ^_^

but i just got a phone call today from a qs consultant for a job interview. i applied like, 2 weeks ago. since i just got this job, i feel kinda bad going for other interviews. but you gotta advance anyhow, right? not my fault, right? :\

i don't know lah. pursue my masters or look for a job? which one would benefit me more? (both would la, you douche) no no wrong question. which one do i want? i'm kind of undecided because i haven't had any experience in both. and i know i need both. but working life's tough. but doing my masters might mean no moolah and no experience. but...but...butt, haha.

oh well. i shall discuss this problem with my dearly beloved parental units and see what they say. you should always listen to what your parents have to say. (i learnt this the hard way lol) because most of the time they end up being completely right and i'm left feeling completely embarassed. guh. i hate being embarassed.

uhm. i'm updating my blog from the office. is that bad? dah siap keje, ok la kan lepak?

...i'm so screwed. :\

frankly, you're not worth it anymore.

"why don't you like me,

without making me try?"

guh. been calling around a bunch of qs firms today.

got a few promising ones. some were disappointing. one company was really quite odd.

hmm.

i kind of regret not doing this whole "think carefully about your future" thingy.

because maybe if i had been rajin-er i'd get that job at jubm.

see, the guy who interviewed me told me that my application wasn't rejected,

just reserved. he says all the posts have been filled up,

but the next time something comes up í'll be considered.

this basically to me means a kinder way of blowing me off, but whatever man. malas pikir.

and my utm application status?

the online application was received by faculty 13th october. i'm like, what the heck?

3 months and this is all i get? but according to my future supervisor,

this is apparently 'normal'. so that might take a while.

so right now,

i'm applying for jobs.

i'm applying for my masters.

i'm applying for other stuff too.

which one do i actually wanna do first ni?

ARGHHHH.

i don't know.

i don't care.

wait, i can't not care. i care i care. i just...sigh.

i just don't know who i wanna be.

i don't know where i should focus.

i have absolutely no clue as to who i will turn out to be in the future.

and that scares me.

i don't want to be okay at something.

i want to be great at something. reliable. adept. skillful. super-awesome.

okay maybe not super-awesome. you get what i mean though right?

i'm scared of the future.

help.

you make me wanna lala.

...what the fuck does that mean anyways?
is lala some kind of new euphimism for going to the toilet or something? meh.

anyways,
"i like colourful clothing in the sun,
cause it doesn't remind me of anything."
-audioslave

:)
ohh yeah.

i think i'm in love with a man with lots of tattoos and a yellow tee shirt.
he smiles a lot and loves to cook.
he has a gorgeous smile, if it counts.
and he's super fashionable. i found him on lookbook lol.
he's ADORKABLE. :0

...having said that, i think i also have a teensy crush on his girlfriend.
(well, i think she's the guy's girlfriend. or friend. whatever, she's pretty.)
so ha, i don't write about boys all the time. i write about girls too. haha.

haih.

bump the barnacle!

"they're awesome manly pain tears. they're not emotional.

...okay maybe they're a little emotional."

i may be a bit slow on the uptake,
but i absolutely had no clue that neil patrick harris is gay!
i mean, he's a womanizer in how i met your mother and harold and kumar,
so i kinda thought he was straight. and you know, always gettin' some, lol. meh.
but i checked out all his other roles throughout the years too. (because i'm weird like that)
he's been on sesame street, family guy, and the simpsons. like, can i say cool?
nph, you're super-fly. fist bump!
(he's adorable though, right? he looks like a kid! he's 37 years old!)

hah this post seems to have nph all over it. nice.

i want new headphones. and another hard disk.
and a new ipod skin. an awesome one. like gelaskin or something.
and...yeah, other stuff. meh.

things that go bump in the dark.

i think guys who give good smirks are smokin' hot. ;)


hmm, downloaded and watched the remake for nightmare on elm street today.
the movie was kinda meh, nothing to get all freaked out about.
i was kinda disappointed. it was predictable, hollywood-ish and not very creative.
thank god for kellan lutz being in the movie. lolz.
(but what's up with kellan having so little screen time? sucks.) (vampire joke lolz.)

and i was kind of disappointed by freddy krueger himself.
see, i like jackie earle haley (he plays freddy in the new movie).
i think he was superb in watchmen, and i've seen him in little children too.
but in this movie, he talks too much as freddy. srsly, talking monsters aren't that scary.
it kind of ruins the atmosphere when fred has conversations with his victims.
it goes from the exorcist straight to barney and friends, just like that.

plus i feel he lacks some junk in the nose department. i mean, look at that!

the real freddy krueger would never be ashamed of his best feature.

i don't know. maybe i'm not supposed to compare.

maybe this movie should stand on its own, flat-nosed and all...but if it did, it'd kinda suck.

so again, thank god for kellan. oh, and kyle gallner's pretty adorable too.

wait. i'm missing the point here. this is not a romcom, it's a frickin' horror movie!

have i lost my love for all things that go bump in the night?

have i been focusing on the prettier things in the movie too much?

have i *gasp!* become a lady?

NOOOOOOOO...

just leave me be okay? let me watch twilight in peace.

har-hardy-har-har.

random picspam!

[warning: pics are so awesome your head might implode]

today i'm feeling random, so pictures galore!
piccies are taken using my htc wildfire, using this super-fly software i just downloaded called vintage demo.
basically when you take a picture you can customize the settings and turn your photos into these beautiful works of art. niiice.

some of the rad effects include vintage, lomo, sepia, vignette, lens effect and all.
the frames can be customized, with stuff like square, film effect, panorama, etc.
i can even change the sensitivity, white balance, and all that jazz that i don't really know about.
srsly, not trying to promote the software, but it's kind of awesome because now all my pictures of wally are really creative and interesting! ...to me, anyway. haha.

but let the pictures speak for themselves.

(banyak gambar wally, so pls bear with me. haha.)

nice, huh?

ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

guh.
guh.
GAAAAAAAH.

today has been one tiring mess after another. seriously.
whatever happened to having nothing to do?

tayar kereta dipancitkan orang. -rm150 right there. i will honestly pray for your demise. buggers.
kena saman mppj sebab security at my apartment tiba-tiba have the sudden urge to complain about all the cars there, when people have been parking there since the beginning of time pun takde masalah.
mppj, being the money-hungry body that they are, saman la all like, 50 cars out there. fuckers.
that was -rm100, but well, let's say i got rid of that one pretty easily. >:)
then because of said saman incident and tayar kereta incident,
i decided to rent a parking space in the apartment. safer meh.
so that's what, -rm330 for this month plus deposit and all?
and rm150 the following months?

OHMYGOD PEOPLE I AM UNEMPLOYED LA!
i don't have that much cash! money does not grow on trees! and even if it did i don't have a tree, okay?
yes, i am trying to get into utm or um.
yes i am also trying to get a job.
yes i am trying to save all i can right now, because i don't wanna burden my parents.
does the concept of love and mercy appeal to no one right now?
we have fluffy kittens on this side, come on to this side!

:(
i guess i just feel like ranting, yeah.
nobody to blame for these things anyways. i'm so tired.

i was so tired and hungry just now (tak makan lagi) that i've reduced myself to being the "angsty adult in tiny car blasting loud angry music about hating people" type. you know it's not safe for the general human population when i'm like that, right? why then, why?

good thing i'm more patient that before. kalau tidak there'd be a huge temper tantrum in the middle of the federal highway where angsty adult decides to hit every pedestrian she sees on the road. haha. i mean, ha.

by the way, i just had a haircut yesterday. meh, it was a joint decision with my mom.
she says i'm too lazy to take care of long hair. true that, homie. haha.
now i have great, luscious hair akin to that of...uh, justin bieber. (bad choice i know)
oh wait. that was yesterday. my hair's pretty frizzed out and flyaway today,
so maybe it's more of a 'simon cowell on a good hair day' kind of look. if i try really hard. lol.

whatever. hair is hair. (cakap orang malas huh)

after all, those wings will take you up so high..

"dear friends in higher places,

carry me away from here."

today's my super-lazy day. ;)

i haven't had those in a while. i think my mom's too active to let me sit around and do nothing for a whole day, but now that i'm living with my brother and there's just the 2 of us, i can pretty much do whatever.

even if whatever means eating 3 pieces of bread for the whole day, sitting around in my bedroom surfing the internet and watching random movies and annoying my still sick-ish cat. hee.

i'm too lazy to eat though. i have this saying. or a principle, i don't know which.

i think that if you'r not hungry and you don't feel like eating, why eat?

you're not gonna appreciate stuff going into your stomach.

you're not gonna feel better after eating anything.

you get no satisfaction out of it, so why eat?

why eat if you're not even feeling hungry?

...although, this might prove to be troublesome tomorrow,

when i'm clutching my tummy yelling for food and gastric medication. huh.

...

oh look, my cow's upside down. ahaha.

i realize that most of the times, my posts just don't make sense. or they're randomly based.

or they're not very entertaining. i realize all that, and i don't care. because my mind actually does work like this. so...too bad la if you don't like me. cause i like me. hah.

ten speed (of god's blood and burial)

no, that is not me trying to defy god or anything. it's just that i'm soooo addicted to this song right now. yeah, it's a song, go figure. but it's an old song, one i've heard so many times before. it's by coheed and cambria, the lead singer with the voice of a 12 year old chick. haha.

tapi tibe-tibe dengar skarang hooked pulak kan. pelik la ko ni anis. but listen to it. it has that sinister vibe to it, like i'm suddenly gonna violently stab a pillow and do the rain dance. or something interesting liddat.

took wallster to the vet again today. he's always getting fleas on his body.
i don't know if it's just lazy-ass me, or the crazy-ass fleas, or that cheeky-ass wally that's creating all this trouble, but i'm sick of it. i hate seeing those little black specks on his fur. the vet says that there's no way that i can get rid of it like 100%, so that sucks. but i had to buy some more stuff for him to make him less kutu-ish. i swear, i spend more on him every time i visit the vet. dah la aku pokai. :'(

i also put in a lot of research for my buddy wally here. for example, from what i read, they say that only 10% of the total numberof fleas reside on a pet, which means that 90% of those buggers are in our environment. ewwww. eucalyptus oil helps because it's a naturally derived disinfectant thingy and it wards off ticks, mites and the like. i swear, if it wasn't for wally, i wouldn't have even noticed or cared about these things. huh.

my mom still says that i'm wasting my cash and time though. hahaha.
ah well mama, you like wally too. don't lie lah. :P

i think there's a chic pop flea market tomorrow at ttdi. who wants to follow??
*grin* bye!

of bacterias and donut.

today i said goodbye to my mom.
i was really sad, because i've spent like 5 months constantly by her side, doing everything together.
now she has to go back to riyadh.
oh well, i guess life can't go the way we expect it to, yeah.

anyways, my convocation was last saturday.
guess i'm a true fresh graduate now huh. yippee.
truth was, the whole hassle of convocation escapes me. i don't know why anyone would go through that just to tell people that you've graduated. i mean, i can just update my status on facebook and voila!
everyone will know that i've graduated. :P
but nope. it doesn't work like that. nothing ever does. so now i've got blisters the size of a hippo,
and my left big toe is numb. frickin' numb, i tell you.

meh. i've got a really good story to tell,
but i'm just way too lazy to type it down lol.
so, later y'all.

i am a member of destiny's child.

...in my head anyways.
well maybe not even in my head, but whatever. who cares right?

still no news about my first ever job interview. methinks i didn't get it, which kind of makes me want to sulk and go emo for a few days but what would that do right? sigh. life can be so harsh sometimes. life, you know i love you, but you tire me out with all this drama llama. :(

went to watch a movie with sue today. we watched devil, which has a really unknown cast but is quite an awesome movie, to be honest. i mean, it didn't have any scary parts but we were so into it we didn't care. (well maybe i didn't. sue says the part with the old lady and the black pupils takut, but i kinda laughed at it. haha)

i need some kind of distraction from my life right now, which isn't exactly going peachy. or appley. or whatever kind of fruit that's in right now. it's like, i even want to shop but i can't because i have money but i don't have a source of income so i'm scared that i'll run out of cash and go broke and become a hobo.

i think i can't rock the hobo look. i do kinda like being comot though. huh.

OH. my convo is this saturday. i forgot to tell you all. whoever you all are. wait am i talking to myself?
pelik.

trenchcoats are for rhinos.

i need good music. and good new games i can play.
and some good new movies.
who wants to watch harry potter with me?
i promise i'll be a good girl. :'l

my brother taught me a new stretching technique. or something.
and now, 2 days later, i'm still aching. it burrrrrrnssss.
nice job, abang, nice job. >:(

ohh. this picture makes my heart feel fuzzy and warm. ♥

won't you marry me, ben?

i just bought fight club. the book, not the movie. i haven't watched the movie.

the book's supposedly great right? baru nak baca. hmmph.

this laptop keeps electrocuting me. grrr! ta.

i am bollocks with torrent. help.

my sleeping place on the couch has been hijacked by my cat.
my own flesh and blood. how could he.

ah well, it's been so long since i've been online that i've kind of forgotten how to type and all. har.
reason for this is because i went back to penang (to my other house) where the nearest wi-fi connection cannot be relied on to wear a sock, let alone connect me to the internet.
read also: no astro or tv
read also: no friends staying nearby
read also: death by boredom

being the geek-slash-weirdo that i am, i spent most of the time in penang re-reading old books and novels with such sheer determination that you'd think i was running for president of the oprah book club. i swear, sometimes i worry about myself.

wally, please give me back my place. i want to sleep too. :(

does anyone have recommendations for stuff that i can download/buy?
i mean like pc games or some good music or something.

i'm bored lah. i'm always bored. why is that?
last week i finished reading a stephen king novel, under the dome, in just 5 days. and i swear, the book is THICK. like a kamus dewan bahasa dan pustaka with the addendums and stuff. my mom saw me with the book and was like, "baca kitab ke tu?". that was kind of testament to how bored and tak-tahu-nak-buat-apa i was...

anyways, i don't even know why i'm ranting about this. ta homies.

nasib baik angkat kain, dah hujan dah pun.

i'm in a rut.
i have a 'situation', and it think it kind of sucks.

see, a few days ago my sister, who's working in petronas just told my brother and i that there are job vacancies in the company. of course it's an interesting prospect, but i've kind of decided that i wanted to take my masters first and then work.

my parents, however, have different ideas. (they used to agree with my plan, until my sister told them about the job vacancy thing la. cheh.) they think that i should work now, and then when i have a bit more experience then i can do my masters. but i'm like, mehhhhhh. keje? macam bosan gila.

i've been having serious doubts about me, working, in the real world. frankly i can't see myself around a working environment. it's scary. it's unsettling. it's downright weird. can i even calculate with my scientific calculator? aiyooooh.

but on the upside, there's the money. harharhar. if i work, i can definitely support myself, since i'm living with my brother so we can split our finances and all. aaaaand, if i do my masters that'll definitely take up a lot more money, so i'm kinda weighing the options here. i seriously don't know what to do. work, or study?

if i work, macam dah malas nak sambung my masters la kan. because what's the use, i already have a job and a steady income and all. but if i study i'll at least gain my confidence and knowledge in a specific subject, which is way better than my having to rely on my knowledge on qs subjects. yech.

:\ bloody pain in the behind to think about la, i tell you. better apply for both je la.

by the way, today's my mom's b-day. so happy birthday mama, i love you loads! thanks for not killing me yet, harharhar.

thinking of you, summer.

i wish there were more summer days.

everything looks bright eyed and bushy tailed during summer. the trees are greener, the grasses grow taller, birds are singing love songs to the sky, and it's all very beautiful. everyone seems a bit more at ease during summer times, like they've finally, finally allowed themselves a vacation from their mundane lives, and that vacation falls during the summer.

i like how people from all over the world come to malaysia. they shop, they sightsee, they see the natural wonders of our land. i see them with huge curious eyes and hands that are always ready to take a picture. lots of pictures, in fact.

i like the clothes we get to wear during the summer. light, airy fabrics in bright colours and flowy fabrics that breathe easy, or white shirts that remind me of clouds and inadvertantly, cotton candy. short shorts for those who can wear them (or those who dare to wear them), and gypsy skirts or bohemian pants that look slouchy and free and so friggin' cool. then we pair these attires with flip flops and we're ready for the beach, even if we're not going to one any time soon. birkenstocks, crocs, ipanemas, they all come out during the summer time.

however, given the fact that malaysia does not have 4 seasons which means that it does not have a summer time, (because hello, it's summer all year long) i think all this current hype about summer happiness is sadly all in my head. in fact, malaysians wear flip flops around 90% of the time, and shorts aren't as sexy as i thought they were, because everyone's wearing them all the time now. light fabrics also turn out to be a bit of a nutter, because i'm tired of seeing everyone's bra through their sheer tops and t-shirts.

but i still like to think that it's the summer time now.
even if it's just in my head (and in other countries that are lucky enough to have 4 seasons).
there's a feeling to it.

perhaps it's called freedom. yeah, summer does remind me of freedom, with it's casual, easygoing nature.
summer also reminds me of happiness, and hot air baloons and vacations with the family and time well spent.
and relaxing music, or the steady thump of the bass in a beach dance song.

summer's nice. i think i like the summer time.
:)

love and turtles and all that jazz.

first and foremost i must say, i love you tom!

ha bloody ha.

i just spend the last 4 days in tioman island. okay pulau tioman, bunyi sedap sikit. it was bloody awesome. the weather was a bit uncooperative because it rained half of the time but at least we weren't warm yeah? tioman is gorgeous, the sea looks wide and promising and so much fun. we rented some life jackets and those snorkelling sets and went to the marine park and boy were there a lot of fish there! i even saw a stingray, but i was kinda scared that it'd kill me so i swam away like a pussy haha. there were also sea urchins around the island, and there was a waterfall and...i don't know. the place had this really great atmosphere, you know? the kind of vibe that made me wanna stay there forever and marry a fish or a boat or..something.

plus there were loads of hot foreigners. LOL.

ah, but now i have to talk about the juara turtle project. i feel like i owe these guys something, because what they do inspire the living hell out of me and i think they're selfless, noble, awesome human beings. the juara turtle project is located in kg. juara, which is in tioman. it's run by a bunch of volunteers from all over the world i think, but the ones i met were katie (i think) and tom. (a-ha!) tom's been staying there and managing the project for about 2 years already (in between trips to his native land, the yoo ass of aye)

so what these guys do is they scout the beaches at night to look for turtles that want to lay their eggs, and then they take the eggs and incubate them in a special area they've made for 2 months to basically protect them from harm, like us human beings, and predators, and all that. then when the turtle eggs hatch they set them free and voila! a good deed is done. the project has a mascot in the form of a blind 4 year old turtle named jo. she, or he, (tom wasn't sure himself) was born blind due to something to do with the moon's natural lighting (i am no expert in explaining difficult stuff like these). i touched jo's flippers, they felt rubbery and cool.

(i sound like an over-excited kid explaining something she doesn't understand all that well, yech)

the turtle project really kind struck me. here these people are, doing all they can for a cause that they love, living with basic amenities and infrastructures. they depend on donations to get by and the guy tom was wearing a t-shirt that had a s on it and was looking a bit worse for the wear, but he looked happy and content. seeing their dedication, i felt that someday, i would definitely come and volunteer there myself, even if only for a day.

for better info on the project, just head on to juaraturtleproject.com

...i hope tom or katie or any of those guys never read this. LOL.

i'll upload pictures later. yeah? ok.

the desecration of belief.

when someone says terrorist, people will automatically think of a devout, bearded man or woman.
a MUSLIM man or woman.

it's everywhere now. muslims are terrorists in movies, in games, in novels.
muslims are evil, overly-devoted, fanatical, extremists.

what the hell is going on?
the people who are involved in these movies, these novels and such,
they don't know the first thing about islam.
these people judge, and think they know everything, and worse than that they fucking influence people to actually believe that muslims are terrorists. islam equals terrorism.

oh hello, total crap.
islam is a beautiful religion. we do not like violence. we do not tolerate racism, hatred, or inequality.
in islam, we're taught that muslim or non-muslim, we should love everyone equally. treat them with respect. listen to their opinions. all this jihad stuff, it's crap. we don't strap our bodies with explosives.
please, whoever thinks these things about us, please stop being stupid.

it's frustrating, you know. the 9/11 incident was this one huge colossal mistake made by supposedly
overly-devout muslims who thought death was the way to solve things.
do you know what other muslims thought of when 9/11 happened?
we were thinking, "oh my god. what kind of monster would kill innocent human beings?"

imagine having your religion desecrated. made fun of. insulted.
imagine having your people physically and mentally abused in non-muslim countries, simply for believing in Him.
please do not make fun of our faith. our belief. our standings. our God. we don't make fun of yours.

guh. now people who read this are gonna think that i'm an extremist.
nope guys. despite being the ridiculous arse that i am, i just want everyone to be treated with respect.

is that so hard to ask for?

i don't need a soul to hold.

teh hijau rase seperti air rumput.
no offense, just saying.

tadi pergi tengok kelip-kelip dekat kuala selangor.
drive around 2 jam to get there (sebab jam je kl ni, ngok betul)
then bayar rm40. quite expensive, tapi my mom cakap ok la tu. penat kot mendayung.
...oh yeah, we had to ride a sampan (or perahu, tak sure la) to get to the darker parts of the river,
but oh man, there were thousands of them!

very cool. very cool.

also, qisha was being very cute.
she now can say loads of stuff now, even wally's name! woo wally! (random)
i just wish i had my camera, because qisha wearing a life vest is crazy funny, har.

nak terkincing la. (sorry.)

wally, kau nampak macho lah.

harro. i am in malaysia now. pj to be exact.

all is good, because the weather is mostly average with rain in the evenings.
ah. i've missed you, rain.

right now wally, my now rugged looking cat is stalking my mom, intent on finding out everything she does. he doesn't remember me anymore because my brother took care of him the whole 2 months i was gone and wally, the traitor that he is, loves him more now.

my phone doesn't work except for receiving calls, because apparently the phone's screen thought it'd be funny if it suddenly went black and annoyed the hell out of me.

i haven't packed my clothes yet, because i have to take care of other stuff first, and my closet is actually (and i'm sort of ashamed to admit this) full to the brim with old clothes. i have to clear those out first before i enjoy the benefits of a beautiful and awesome looking closet. (and it's not like i shop like a lot a lot...ah long story)

ahhhh...malas mau tido.

breaking news.

BALIK MALAYSIA HARI NI!
(perlu la cakap in malay tibe2)

:P
ohemgee ohemgee. i hate long flights. (7 hours gahhhh)

wish me luck!
(it's not like you're piloting the plane. sheesh, idiot.)

they're just scary words.

right now, there are so many things in my head,
but all of them are whizzing by, and i can't grasp anything solid.

i can't think of the same thing more than 5 minutes in a row.
it's frustrating. grrr.

i kind of miss being a kid.
i miss waiting for my parents at my old home in penang,
looking out in the rain and wondering when they'll come back.
(macam ponteng sekolah je time tu, haha)
i miss laughing with my friends at school and on ah chek's bus and listening to cheesy over-rated pop songs.
i miss being scared, and being angsty, and all the other emotions i felt when i was a teenager.
i miss going back home late because i had krs, and then hanging out with the skater dudes in komtar.
i miss being stupid and careless and ignorant,
because now i can't be all those things.
i'm not supposed to be any of those things, because i own my mistakes now.

i'm all grown up now,
22 years old with no future plans.
i don't know who i am. i don't think i want to find out.
i'm too lazy and scared and tired to go on this journey they call life.
it's exhausting, to have to learn new things, and know new people.
it's exhausting to have to add another chapter to your life, and make new mistakes.
is it supposed to be exhausting and scary?
because i'm kind of exhausted and scared. of the unknown. of everything.

toughen yourself up, anis.
sooner or later you're gonna have to face the music.

my good friend once told me this, when i was sad:
"suck it up kiddo, and move on."
only now do i that this is the only way i can survive.
GUH. it sucks.

oh my god you just gave me an aneurysm.

there's a guy on tv who's only wearing his underpants.
he has dreadlocks.
no, not the underpants. the guy. the guy has dreadlocks.
and now let us all wonder why i even bothered giving you that info.

today, i wonder about the beauty and...uh, wonder of beautiful people.
no wait. edit that.
The Beautiful People. (it's like they're so pretty that it's in bolded letters. heh)
how do these people become so pretty? what are their secrets?
how come they don't look human anymore? i mean, do they even have boogers?
some people radiate beauty and exquisiteness. me, i just radiate smell. haha.
and i'm not just talking about susperstars, and actors and singers and all that.

i'm talking about normal people too. sometimes i see someone on the street (guy or girl)
and i will think to mysel, (i'm kind of stalkerish that way)
"man, how'd he/she get so perfect?"
it's like our eyes are automatically drawn to them, and i't doesn't matter that the'y're wearing jeanas and a t-shirt or selipar jamban or so,ething tacky, because the outfit totally rocks on them anyway so it's all cool.
how unfair is that? i mean, i've always wanted to think that everyone's beautiful in their own special way,
but sometimes that just doesn't happen. life isn't that fair.
people will always be attracted to beauty, because that's all they can see right?

like imagine me standing in line at starbucks for a cup of coffee. (even though i do not drink coffee, ew.)
i'm next to order, and the guy who's taking my order is really really adorable and he's smiling at me.
but suddenly!!! emma watson comes striding along, looking like this:

pictured above: emma watson and her utter awesomeness

do you think the coffee boy will be smiling at me? huh? huh?

i don't think so. he'll be looking at her, mouth agape, looking at her friggin'yellow skinny jeans and thinking of ways that he can ask her out on a date. and i'll be here, standing like a moron, addicted to coffee and feeling ugly in my skinny jeans (without the skinny legs though) and selipar jamban.

pretty people suck.

hahaha. i've gone loco.

extra post.

i'm bored. (pasal tu la ada 2 posts today eh?)
i feel like expressing myself...through interpretive dance!

hahaha. i love cyanide and happiness. they're so random.

okay okay i just wanted to say something random. having said that, my life is complete. :P

every superhero has a secret identity.

"God gave you style and gave you grace,

God put a smile upon your face."

oh brazil. i mourn your departure from the world cup.
how did this happen?

okay seriously. how did this happen?
i watched the match at a shopping mall (no sports channel at home, boohoo) and i never saw both of the goals made by netherlands. iklan lama nak mampus during half time, chiessss. then tengok2 bila all the ads half time dah habis, it was already in the 75th minute and the neds were already leading. i was like "WHATTTTTT??? apa jadi?"
(cue heart palpitations and nervous breakdown)

oh well. there's always 4 years from now to look forward to. (le sigh)

have you ever felt like nothing in your life is moving? like everything's static, nothing's changing,
that life is this one huge routine that you go through everyday?
i'm kind of feeling like that right now.
and it's fine sometimes, because sometimes it's awesome when you get to wake up, do nothing and go back to sleep at the end of the day without really achieving anything.
but sometimes i feel like i should be doing...something. you know?
and not just to change my life, but also another person's life. everyone's lives.
like standing up for what you believe in, or saving the world, or becoming patrick starfish and diving into a tub full of jell-o. (i actually really like the last one, but it doesn't really change anyone's life. except mine and patrick's.)

but you know what? i'm gonna let this feeling pass.
because after this, i'm gonna have to apply for my masters, and start becoming all serious and teary-eyed sebab tak cukup tido and generally work my ass off for something that i may or may not have use for in the future.
i will become bitter, short on time, messy, and i will be too lazy to eat proper meals and resort to ribena and chips.
i won't have time to be bored. or have time to not do anything. so i will appreciate this nothingness.
because hey, even nothing means something right?
(wrong. you're just trying to be clever. )

oh whatever.

i am an illusionist, i am your greatest nightmare.

"so put a banana in your ear."

tra la la.

so, i've finally finished my conference paper. hopefully, that is. right on track too!

(menipu la kau anis. buat keje lambat.)

and i should start applying for my masters in utm, um and usm. i have the forms already, i think.

hmm.

this is great! i actually have nothing to do!

(bongok. applications tu siapa mau isi?)

grr8. i've wanted to wplay the witcher again. or maybe l4d. or maybe both.

(you've already played both. what the heck is wrong with you girl?)

and i have so many ebooks i haven't read yet. it'll be awesome.

(you think reading is awesome. you. are. sad.)

and i still have daniel's nintendo to play with. there're like 3000 games in there!

(you play kid games? ohemgee. should've seen this coming.)

hahaha, i am kind of retarded aren't i? i read, play games, sleep, eat. hmm.

in a cool, complex, ultra-suave way which is the envy of men and women alike. (ew.)

WHATEVER.

when i am older i will be stronger,

they'll call me freedom just like a waving flag!

bubbles.

i think dax shepard looks quite dashing as a blonde.

LOLZ.

listen, hey, will you marry me?

"di sebalik pahit getir kemenangan menanti..."

look.
it's not a big deal, okay?

...but heck, it kind of is. to me anyway.
you don't like me, shadap. go away lah mu.

i've recently been EXERCISING.
(ohmygod i never thought i'd see the word exercise and i in the same sentence lolz)
i've been cycling, and playing with the hula hoop and the huge rubber exercisy ball to er, tone my body.
(exercise lingo, ftw!)
and now...i can wear skinny jeans! YEAHHHHHH! :D

...this isn't a huge deal for all you evil people out there who exercise regularly
and have the body of a starving giraffe, but to me this is huge!
for one, i have always, always been too lazy to exercise. (chessss...)
and i don't like exercising in public. i find it embarassing and annoying that people who walk around the place where you exercise will stare at you like you're the first person ever to exercise there. like at the swimming pool. god, once when i went swimming with my sister some dude even stood beside the pool and flirted with us. OHMYGOD. malu malu malu.

but since i have nothing to do here in riyadh, i find it kind of awesome to wake up in the morning,
and cycle, cycle, cycle the heck out. and hula hoop burns about 600 calories per hour, did you know that?

well anyways, i'm not bragging, i'm just being happy for myself.
and i'm not actually that thin yet, but boleh pakai skinny jeans and wear a us size 4 tu kira okay lah kan...
alhamdulillah. hope this exercising fad lasts a really long while. harharhar.

errr, awkward.

"mmm. truffles. how romantic."

oh hello there blogspot. how nice of me to grace you with my gorgeous presence.

...
i swear the laptop just puked blood.
ahaha.

hey. i can wear high heels now.
and not fall, might i add. i can even walk in a somewhat straight line.
i also EXERCISE now. oh my god i think i'm a whole new person now. gosh. XD

okay i have nothing profound to say.
later.

it's showtime!

hey hey.
i'm in riyadh, saudi arabia.

it's really hot here, and i think i'm growing fatter by the day.
but it's been awesome, aside from some bloody noses and headaches all the time,
but i know that's because of the weather.

when i came here on the 10th,
my mom had already bought for me,
13 shirts and tees which look awesome,
5 pairs of jeans,
and 2 pairs of shoes. (and i bought 2 more pairs harharhar)
so you can all imagine my sense of happiness with this place as for now hahaha.

but...every good story has a bad one.
:(
i miss wally. boo.

and why are you not skyping abang? :'(

but hey, the doctors is airing now,
and this mom is giving her 16 year old botox.
YEARGH. thank god for rational moms.

p/s: there is something seriously wrong with my dad's laptop. the w key keeps going crazy. guh.

the post where i complain about technology. and want a cupcake.

aiyoh.

i desperately feel like eating a cupcake now.

like, a huge one with cream on top.

not chocolate though. i like only like chocolate when it's on chocolate. haha.

have you ever seen that cupcake store in klcc?

the cupcakes there look awesome.

mmm.. i can practically SEE the cupcakes man.

:(

maybe this was what inspired me.

credit to ilovecuppacakes.com

oh. and by the way,

happy mother's day to my very awesome mom, and all the great moms out there.

you guys are grreat.

anyways, my laptop kind of went kamikaze on me just now.

i was watching re-runs of house (i know i know. i am awesome) when it suddenly just...died.

no suicide note, nothing.

and when i restarted it, it became kind of wonky and crazy. weird a symbols when it was starting up, and my antivirus won't work now.

screw you laptop. i thought we were friends.

it's still acting kinda crazy now, but i'm installing a new antivirus. padan mukamu. hoh hoh hoh.

oh, and by the way, got my thesis result today.

:D

success! i ♥ life.

a summer wishlist of utter randomness.

sigh.

i really wished i had a fair bit of money to spend right now.

ever since i've become a 'shopaholic' and all, all i can think of are things that i'd love to own.

examples! because i am the shit:

a) benefit cosmetics

because hello, all their products look awesome, and based on the reviews i've read, they're pretty great too. there's also urban decay to consider, actually. but that's out of my league because hello, they don't have it in malaysia.

what an adorable country.

anyways i'm particularly liking the posietint (even though i think it might be way off for my complexion) and the some kind of gorgeous foundation-faker, i think it's called. it looks rad.

ohmigod. i am talking about make-up.

how much have i grown people? XD

b) luna bleu products

this is seriously one of the coolest products i have seen.

well, i think so. because these guys, i quote, "specializes in bath and body treats, including handmade bath scrubs, creams, lotions, body mists, perfumes, hand sanitizer..etc" and boy, do the list of scents intrigue me.

plus they're really quite cheap! (but i can't buy them because pokai guh)

some examples include: birthday cake (yummy white birthday cake with vanilla frosting! dude,awesome.), caramel cafe latte, cotton candy and fresh baked bread. srsly, fresh baked bread?

i've always had this thing for smelling like food. i love smelling food.

yum.

c) shoes

i admit, i've never actually mastered the art of wearing high heels.

but these shoes? posi-fucking-tively rock.

those iron fist high heels are probably the coolest shoe design i've ever seen.

if they made flats like that i'd totally buy them.

and i do love oxford heels, because everytime i see someone wear them,

it's like, it's so serious, yet hardcore!

who in their right mind wouldn't want these babies?

d) cds

okay i have loads of cds that i wanna buy right now, so pictures aren't really an option.

i want switchfoot's new cd!

and paramore's not so new one but ok-lah jugak cd!

and owl city's deluxe edition for ocean eyes!

relient k. the used. brand new. afi. list goes on man, you really wanna endure this?

e) books

good to know i still maintain a semblance of my old geekiness. haha.

in this case, any kind of book will do. but i'd love to get some of those collector's item books they have in kino. frickin' pretty man.it's like looking at an artpiece.

oh hey, and you know what? i'd love to start reading graphic novels.

like watchmen. that looked kinda cool.

f) bags

well, do think i need a different bag for every different occasion, don't you?

currently liking vintage bags in browns and blacks, and kate spade and roxy bags.

because they're cute.

i'd also love to buy those high-tech litter boxes for wally. and the huge kick-ass cage that looks comfy. (for cats, not for humans.)

ooooh! and i want:

g) a pc

to fulfill my freaky gaming needs. srsly, i feel like i have to desperately play the witcher, or gta orsomething, to get my brain functioning right. never mind the fact that video games are not educational. who needs education? lol.

i'd love a casing like this:

or this:

because they look awhsumzz.

throw in some really cool headphones, and i will marry you. for free! :P

well. i think i've covered most of my list of things that i want.

i have more, but i'm surprisingly sleepy now. lol.

ooh but i wish we had sephora in malaysia. that'd be awesome.

everything in malaysia is grossly expensive, and the prices are somewhat exaggerated from the uk or us. like benefit's stuff here is like rm130++ for one thing, but there it's like, rm100. or less.

not fair huh?

and they have way better brands outside of malaysia.

cosmetics, food, everything!

the only good thing malaysia has?

good people. well, some of them are good. you know, malaysia boleh! rah rah.

good food. my british lecturer will attest to this. he loves the food here.

good...uhm,

well malaysia has me. so end of story.

:p