they're just scary words.

right now, there are so many things in my head,
but all of them are whizzing by, and i can't grasp anything solid.

i can't think of the same thing more than 5 minutes in a row.
it's frustrating. grrr.

i kind of miss being a kid.
i miss waiting for my parents at my old home in penang,
looking out in the rain and wondering when they'll come back.
(macam ponteng sekolah je time tu, haha)
i miss laughing with my friends at school and on ah chek's bus and listening to cheesy over-rated pop songs.
i miss being scared, and being angsty, and all the other emotions i felt when i was a teenager.
i miss going back home late because i had krs, and then hanging out with the skater dudes in komtar.
i miss being stupid and careless and ignorant,
because now i can't be all those things.
i'm not supposed to be any of those things, because i own my mistakes now.

i'm all grown up now,
22 years old with no future plans.
i don't know who i am. i don't think i want to find out.
i'm too lazy and scared and tired to go on this journey they call life.
it's exhausting, to have to learn new things, and know new people.
it's exhausting to have to add another chapter to your life, and make new mistakes.
is it supposed to be exhausting and scary?
because i'm kind of exhausted and scared. of the unknown. of everything.

toughen yourself up, anis.
sooner or later you're gonna have to face the music.

my good friend once told me this, when i was sad:
"suck it up kiddo, and move on."
only now do i that this is the only way i can survive.
GUH. it sucks.

oh my god you just gave me an aneurysm.

there's a guy on tv who's only wearing his underpants.
he has dreadlocks.
no, not the underpants. the guy. the guy has dreadlocks.
and now let us all wonder why i even bothered giving you that info.

today, i wonder about the beauty and...uh, wonder of beautiful people.
no wait. edit that.
The Beautiful People. (it's like they're so pretty that it's in bolded letters. heh)
how do these people become so pretty? what are their secrets?
how come they don't look human anymore? i mean, do they even have boogers?
some people radiate beauty and exquisiteness. me, i just radiate smell. haha.
and i'm not just talking about susperstars, and actors and singers and all that.

i'm talking about normal people too. sometimes i see someone on the street (guy or girl)
and i will think to mysel, (i'm kind of stalkerish that way)
"man, how'd he/she get so perfect?"
it's like our eyes are automatically drawn to them, and i't doesn't matter that the'y're wearing jeanas and a t-shirt or selipar jamban or so,ething tacky, because the outfit totally rocks on them anyway so it's all cool.
how unfair is that? i mean, i've always wanted to think that everyone's beautiful in their own special way,
but sometimes that just doesn't happen. life isn't that fair.
people will always be attracted to beauty, because that's all they can see right?

like imagine me standing in line at starbucks for a cup of coffee. (even though i do not drink coffee, ew.)
i'm next to order, and the guy who's taking my order is really really adorable and he's smiling at me.
but suddenly!!! emma watson comes striding along, looking like this:

pictured above: emma watson and her utter awesomeness

do you think the coffee boy will be smiling at me? huh? huh?

i don't think so. he'll be looking at her, mouth agape, looking at her friggin'yellow skinny jeans and thinking of ways that he can ask her out on a date. and i'll be here, standing like a moron, addicted to coffee and feeling ugly in my skinny jeans (without the skinny legs though) and selipar jamban.

pretty people suck.

hahaha. i've gone loco.

extra post.

i'm bored. (pasal tu la ada 2 posts today eh?)
i feel like expressing myself...through interpretive dance!

hahaha. i love cyanide and happiness. they're so random.

okay okay i just wanted to say something random. having said that, my life is complete. :P

every superhero has a secret identity.

"God gave you style and gave you grace,

God put a smile upon your face."

oh brazil. i mourn your departure from the world cup.
how did this happen?

okay seriously. how did this happen?
i watched the match at a shopping mall (no sports channel at home, boohoo) and i never saw both of the goals made by netherlands. iklan lama nak mampus during half time, chiessss. then tengok2 bila all the ads half time dah habis, it was already in the 75th minute and the neds were already leading. i was like "WHATTTTTT??? apa jadi?"
(cue heart palpitations and nervous breakdown)

oh well. there's always 4 years from now to look forward to. (le sigh)

have you ever felt like nothing in your life is moving? like everything's static, nothing's changing,
that life is this one huge routine that you go through everyday?
i'm kind of feeling like that right now.
and it's fine sometimes, because sometimes it's awesome when you get to wake up, do nothing and go back to sleep at the end of the day without really achieving anything.
but sometimes i feel like i should be doing...something. you know?
and not just to change my life, but also another person's life. everyone's lives.
like standing up for what you believe in, or saving the world, or becoming patrick starfish and diving into a tub full of jell-o. (i actually really like the last one, but it doesn't really change anyone's life. except mine and patrick's.)

but you know what? i'm gonna let this feeling pass.
because after this, i'm gonna have to apply for my masters, and start becoming all serious and teary-eyed sebab tak cukup tido and generally work my ass off for something that i may or may not have use for in the future.
i will become bitter, short on time, messy, and i will be too lazy to eat proper meals and resort to ribena and chips.
i won't have time to be bored. or have time to not do anything. so i will appreciate this nothingness.
because hey, even nothing means something right?
(wrong. you're just trying to be clever. )

oh whatever.

i am an illusionist, i am your greatest nightmare.

"so put a banana in your ear."

tra la la.

so, i've finally finished my conference paper. hopefully, that is. right on track too!

(menipu la kau anis. buat keje lambat.)

and i should start applying for my masters in utm, um and usm. i have the forms already, i think.

hmm.

this is great! i actually have nothing to do!

(bongok. applications tu siapa mau isi?)

grr8. i've wanted to wplay the witcher again. or maybe l4d. or maybe both.

(you've already played both. what the heck is wrong with you girl?)

and i have so many ebooks i haven't read yet. it'll be awesome.

(you think reading is awesome. you. are. sad.)

and i still have daniel's nintendo to play with. there're like 3000 games in there!

(you play kid games? ohemgee. should've seen this coming.)

hahaha, i am kind of retarded aren't i? i read, play games, sleep, eat. hmm.

in a cool, complex, ultra-suave way which is the envy of men and women alike. (ew.)

WHATEVER.

when i am older i will be stronger,

they'll call me freedom just like a waving flag!