the consequences of change.

people change, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for...well, they just change.

some people change and decide to include you in their lives, and if that happens that it's probably a sign of love. i don't know much about love though, so i'm probably just crazy for saying that.

but sometimes people change, and somehow you're not included as an important part of their lives anymore. people change, and with change comes new people. new people that are better than you. new people that take part in their everyday lives the way you used to.

doesn't matter if you're friend. or family. change is change. if you're not prepared for these changes then you might feel a bit left out. or hurt. or maybe you just don't care. it depends on the kind of person that you are.

if i love somebody enough, i include them in my life, changes and all. i for their opinions, their thoughts, their feelings before i do something. when i wanted to quit my job, i asked for the opinion from everyone important in my life, taking into account how their life would change if i made my decision.

because that's just it. every decision you make, big or small, has an impact on someone else. if you wanted someone in your life badly enough, then you'd work hard to make sure these people stayed in your lives right?

oh well. apparently i'm not good enough to be in some people's lives. i'm just not important enough. i get it. it's fine. how important is someone like me anyways when you already have everything you want in your life? okay. judge me and call me names. tell me how useless i am. i don't mind.

someday i'll get out of everyone's lives and i sincerely hope that it'll make everyone's lives better. because if i can't give anything when i'm in your lives, the least i could do is make an impact when i'm out of it right?

i can't wait for the day when that actually happens.  

perfume haul! (well..not really)

so, i did tell you about my current obsession with perfumes right?

so a while back i decided to google some stuff up and found some really interesting scents that i wanted to try out. i was searching for gourmand scents, preferably ones that had strong coconut notes to them cos i'm really into the whole beach livin' now.

the one perfume that attracted me the most was creed's virgin island water, which is this awesome unisex type fragrance whom people describe as being this "smooth summery island-flavored" concoction. whatevs, i'm sold. i'll buy it!

problem is, i don't really see much of creed fragrances in malaysian counters, but lucky for me i found a seller online and bada-bing, i bought me some perfume decants! these are the fragrances that i bought:

• creed virgin island water
• diptyque philosykos
• hermes hermessence ambre narguile
• hermes hermessence vetiver tonka
• guerlain spiritueuse double vanille

i purchased 1ml decants of each of these scents, you know, just enough for me to test them out and sniff and be all happy and such. i have to say i'm pretty pleased with all of them! creed was my only choice at first, but i decided to ask the seller for recommendations and he gave some pretty awesome ones which then i bought tanpa teragak-agak even though i am broke as fahk. fml.

so, after having these cute little decants with me for a while and getting to sniff them all out properly, i've decided to do a tiny sort-of-but-not-really review on them to show the world just how much i love these babies. please note that i'm not trying to be an expert on smells here, just trying to explain how i feel about these fragrances and how awesome they are.

proceed!

my current obsession.

i've probably mentioned this too many times already since i am boring like that, but just a reminder to everyone out there in the world that i am an obsesser.

i can literally obsess over anything. i've obsessed over cats. music. tv series. books. video games. colour. furniture. jewelry. harry potter. tom hanks. gawd everything.

honestly i don't understand anyone who doesn't like the hanks. he's legendary!
pic from rodneyohebsion.com

my obsession for last year was probably makeup. i had to buy everything i wanted and fancied, every colour out there looked so pretteh and shiny and what the eff, i wouldn't even wear some of those colours anywhere near my face but nevermind i'll buy it anyways.

but naturally my obsessions dwindle down eventually. (well truthfully i still am pretty obsessed with makeup but it's better now cos i have shitloads of the stuff already haha. but dang, i can never resist lipbalms, eyeliners, and blushes to this day). this year though, i am pretty much into something new.

for the year two oh twelve i am officially obsessed with scent. specifically, gourmand scents. (read on, it's a pretty friggin' long post though)

misplaced trust and old friends.

i've watched a lot of movies in my life. some movies stick with me, and some don't.

some movies are so memorable to me for the weirdest reasons. i sometimes get stuck into watching and re-watching a movie just because of one scene, or one guy, or just...one feeling.

therefore, i present to you the saddest scene which i have ever encountered in a movie. few movies compare to the welling amount of sadness that i felt when...well, watch it for yourself. it's acted by tom hanks, who is my favourite actor ever, so i guess i am somewhat biased?



i don't normally exude such feelings towards volleyballs myself, but heck, when i first watched this scene back when i was younger, i think i cried. i honestly think i did. i cried because the attachment he felt towards wilson was as real as an attachment one would feel towards a best friend, or a lover, or a family member. he was crying for the loss of the only person he had. he was crying because when wilson was around he didn't feel so lonely.

i guess i can sort of relate to tom hanks' character in the movie. i get attached to the stupidest things sometimes, and people just don't understand why. it's not the thing, it's the feelings attached to the thing that matters.

for example, even though i am twenty four years old i still have a stuffed pillow in the shape of a cat as a bantal busuk. it seems kind of crazy and childish and irrational that i would keep something that i got when i was around fifteen years old for someone else's birthday (i decided to keep it because i thought it was adorable) but i look at tembam (lol yeah so i named it) and i don't ever see myself throwing it..him away.

he reminds me of sleepy nights watching movies with my friends, and sleeping by myself in a 'haunted' house (my old house in penang had this freaky, ominous feeling to it) and crying myself to sleep when i had fights with my parents or my friends or even my ex. he reminds me of happiness, of comfort and love, in times when i felt that no one could ever love me.

when we were children we all had these things, blankets or pillows or soft toys that we were attached to. what exactly happened to us to make us throw these things away? parents would often go with the 'she's too old for it' story, which makes me wonder: what exactly are we too old for anyways? we're too old for comfort? i dunno, i just don't quite understand it. someone please enlighten me.

i guess it's different for me. i don't really know how to seek comfort in people. people are confusing. people make me awkward. people often backstab you and break your heart and say things that make you feel like you want to jump off a bridge. people are unpredictable.

i guess i put more trust in a stuffed toy more than i believe in people? which, to be honest, is quite sad.

what is wrong with me?

shameless gushing : mcfly edition.

i am embarrassed yet a bit happy with the news that i'm about to announce on this post.

ok, don't judge. i was bored. i have every right to like this band. the guys are adorable, nice and very talented.

ok but i still am embarrassed about this haha.

i am in love with mcfly.

oh god i said it. it's out. kill me now, and let me listen to them in peace.

i just randomly stumbled upon them. today. and for reasons unbeknownst to me, i really like the happy aura they're omitting. their songs are cute, and the lyrics are smart and cute, the beats are catchy, and oh my god look at them, they're so adorable:

pic credit to last.fm

i especially like harry, the dude in blue, and dougie, which is the blonde. they are hilarious. i can't stop watching them on youtube lol. well, them and judge judy.

(randomly, omg judge judy is freaking awesome. the show's funny, and the cases are funny, and the litigants on the case are sometimes so awkward and dumb and evil)

i've never actually been a fan before this, i mean the band's hardly new and i've known them from before, but i haven't actually paid attention to them i guess? but suddenly now i stumble upon them and the mood's right and i find myself thinking, "dammit, these songs are really catchy!"

here's a clip of dougie and tom singing transylvania, which is quite an awesome song, especially when sang acoustically. by dougie. *heart melts like a tween*



ok, it's not like it's embarrassing to like them, to be honest. i'd be more humiliated if i liked justin bieber or one of those crappeh rap artists that are always on tv nowadays singing about sex. so wtf, i like them. they're awesome. guilty pleasure music ftw.

i shall leave you with a final cute picture of dougie and harry. just cos i can.

pic credit to huffingtonpost.co.uk

dougie's hair looks so suave ahaha. (omg i'm such a fangirl)