i got 99 problems and my skin is one.

"oh there's bad blood here,

won't you let it dry?"

i am so sleepy. had to go visit a dermatologist (yet again) for my skin ailments and since he isn't available in the afternoons i had to go in the morning. no sleepy sleepy for me. and i don't sleep in the afternoons, so... :(

anyways, i'm kind of having a revelation here with my skin. but let me give you the info on my skin first....just because i can. haha. and because someone out there might be suffering the same thing as i am, and this might help?

in my earlier days (i call it the pre-eczema days) i had oily combination skin on my face and normal skin for the rest of my body. my skin wasn't perfect, i broke out occasionally with them darn zits, but i thought my skin was generally pretty awesome. then around 2 years ago i developed these bumps which were so itchy they then turned into nasty rashes which bled and my skin was weeping worse than a recently widowed wife. i was stressed out, and that in turn aggravated the condition. it was hellish for me. i went to doctors, bought meds from pharmacies and visited 2 dermatologists. didn't do much good for me.

i went to visit my parents in saudi for a few months, and there i went to the hospital pharmacy to get some better meds than what i had. the pharmacist prescribed a cream for me, and overjoyed with the prospect of normal skin again, i didn't think to research it. bad idea. i used the cream religiously day and night for about 2-3 months and of course, it made my skin better.

then i started breaking out like mad on my forehead, which was coincidentally (to me) around the eczema areas on my face. i was weirded out. so i began researching the cream that i was using, only to be horrified that i had been using a cortiscosteroid cream on my body and face this whole time! a cream that is only meant to be used short term due to it's negative side effects i.e. hormonal changes, acne, heartburn and more. i was like, dammit. 

so now not only am i left with horrid weepy bloody skin all over my face and body, i was also breaking out like a teenager. nothing worked. exasperation. desperation. depression. i had it all.

blah blah blah, fast forward to like, 6 months of agonising itchiness and pain, and i paid an expensive visit to a dermatologist in bangsar. great service, but i was broke at the time and in no mood to fork out money like i had loads of it. i find out i'm allergic to chicken now, and my skin has become super dry. i'm not even kidding. i had to buy a new set of skincare and i was given the verdict that my skin was very dry. very dry? where did all them oils go? i miss you face oils. :(

so now i have very dry skin, and my 5th dermatologist visit has diagnosed me as having nodular prurigo, which is when nasty little bumps appear on your skin and makes you itch and shat your pants in exasperation. it's all to do with sensitivity towards things that can make you allergic and imbalance of omega 3 acids or something or other. i googled it just now, and i was like, "hey! i think i know you guys!" because it does look quite similar to what i'm having now. but then again, skin problems all look similar. 

so i finally have hope now that my skin is on it's way to being healthy again. it's sometimes devastating to look at the scars all over my body and be optimistic, but i'm grateful and thankful i'm getting better all the same. i'd rather have scars than bloody sheets from scratching.

now all i have to do is use mild cleansers for my face and body, avoid contact with allergens like nickel and eat foods that have no preservatives in it. like, i can't even eat peanut butter now. or ketchup. or mayonnaise. argh. 

   

at least my banoffee pie doesn't contain any preservatives? 

my dream space.

"feet don't fail me now."

i sometimes get this weird obsession with decorating my room. see, my room in kl right now is quite small and cramped, and it irks me a bit because i've got so much stuff lol. i'm the kind of person appreciates neatness but i gotta say, i do love my clutter . 

i don't like super neat rooms that i always see in youtube videos (you know, like in those room tour videos that beauty gurus always show) because although it looks pretty, to me it feels kind of...impersonal? it sometimes feels a bit bare, like it lacks that certain individual touch. i guess i'm the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve and heck, i'd want my room to be the same, you know? to reflect my weird personality.

i used to have this random fantasy when i was younger that i'd live in a studio apartment with a great view overlooking a beach or someplace really beautiful, like in italy or greece you know? so growing up i had this preference over industrial looking designs that looked kind of rough and rustic and lived in. it's got that unfinished, raw look to it which i really like. 

like this.

woah this is a cool design.

ingenious use of an office cabinet. testify!

guh, so pretty. one thing i've noticed about the rooms that i like is that they are very earth toned. lots of browns, blacks, whites and greys. it's cool. i can dig it. i also love rustic things, like trunks and heavy chests and rows of books on the walls. does that make me old?

ooh pretty.

gah! rustic-gasm!

in all seriousness though, i don't think my dinosaur would fit in well with a rustic bedroom theme haha (unless i gave benny a monocle and a top hat? hmm). or the boba fett alarm clock that i've wanted since i saw it in kinokuniya a week or so ago.

doesn't stop me from wanting one.

but this...this! this would fit in like a boss. i'm currently on the hunt for a good quality cool looking clothes rack (for all the blazers and jackets that i've managed to accumulate over the past year) and this fits the bill to a t!

ugh. it's so cool that i can't function.

sigh. i imagine it'd be a few more hundred years 'til i can design my own hobbit hole, so for now i guess all i can do is clean up my own clutter? 

:(