can't say i'm sad to see you go.

ah, the ever so common last-day-of-the-year post, dictating all that's happened in the past, and new aspirations for the future.

well, sure. 2009 wasn't the best year for me.

had a few breakdowns this year. broke up for the first time (they say the first cut is the deepest. i say, big deal.) and lived to tell (or blog) the tale.

i've learnt some valuable lessons this year.

(sigh)

but this is not the post for it!

i have new things in mind,

new knowledge to bore my brains out,

new fod to enjoy,

new events to experience,

new guys to stalk,

new friends to make,

new makeup to try (i am an expert in eyeliners now lol)

and other whole new stuff to enjoy!

the prospect of a brand new year never seemed exciting to me before this, but this year's a bit different. well actually the new year has long gone (awal muharram), but just endure me for a second yeah.

ideas for the new year, the great two oh one oh:

(for some reason all of them need exclamation marks. leave me be.)

a) be positive!

for reasons even unknown to myself, i am the greatest pessimist i have ever met. seriously. i don't know if it's because i lack vitamin c or something, but it just bugs me, that i'm always a dark thinker. maybe i was an unemployed drunk in the past life, i seem to have too much time to think haha. but fear not, all you sunshine-loving gerbils, i will turn over a new leaf and be a tad more chirpy in the thought department.

dunno if it will work, because i can't control brain functions kan, but i will try!

b) uih, rajinnya!

this is actually a must. dah kalau nak sambung belajar tak rajin lagi mampus la kena pelangkung dengan parents kan hahaha.

c) keep on loving baby!

i will love my friends. i will love my family. i will love my cat. i will love all animals unconditionally. okay okay i will love some people unconditionally jugak. hmph. i will love shopping. i will love food. i will not waste food. i will love hot random strangers in torn up jeans. ooh. hahaha kidding. kinda. :P finally, i will love myself. i definitely will always always love Him. yeay for love and all that mush!

...i can't think of other stuff. maybe it's because i'm too darned awesome it'd be a shame if i changed anything else. harharhar. (should have another point up there: be less perasan!)

so long, 2009!

we are slaves of what we want.

"you were busy saying what you didn't mean,

now everyone's singing along to your ridiculous song

you got it stuck in my head."

such a beautiful, beautiful day.

sun's out, the trees look greener than usual.

i'm happy. how can i not be? it's so cheerful outside.

(but i don't wanna go out there, panas. haha.)

...but then i think "oh crap, kena buat dissertation."

oh heck. >:'(

i'm my very own personal killjoy. hah.

plus, the internet is being an a-hole.

randomly, i think i'm turning into a shopaholic. :(

oh no. oh yeah!

why i love wally!

something's different with wally.

i can't place it. he's...different.

doesn't play as much, eats a lot, not scared of water anymore.

did i do something wrong?

i have a habit of messing things up, haven't i?

:'(

i think he's mad at me for leaving him with my sister.

sometimes he just looks at me with this funny look in his face.

like he wants to know why i left him.

i didn't wanna leave him.

i had to. :(

"i love you wally", i say to him when he looks at me.

he meows back, as if to say, "i know. i love you back."

and i know this last part is true because he jumped on the bed, lied down next to me and licked my cheek.

♥

p/s: he just walked all over my laptop's keyboard. yep, he wants the all attention to himself. :P

isn't someone missing me?

i have a friend who's trying to break up with her boyfriend.

well, according to what she tells me, she just doesn't like like the guy. she thinks he's nice and all, but not for her. she has told him a few times that she wants to break up, but he (get this) refuses to hear it. said he'll wait for her if that's what it takes.

you'd think i would side on the girl right?

nope.

i've heard the way she treats him. she kind of yells at him on the phone about stupid things, and she gets angry a lot. i know this isn't who she is, she's a great person, trust me, but i guess he's in the group of people that she can't stand. she tells me that she doesn't wanna be like that, but it just happens and she snaps.

well, i guess i can understand.

(i do pity the guy though, but i don't tell her this.)

i can tell he loves her, if that doesn't sound cheesy. she says some stuff that could hurt him sometimes, then they fight and he hangs up, but a minute later he calls and god knows this guy has the patience of mahatma gandhi. he just doesn't care. some people call that being stupid. i kind of call it love.

i wish i could find someone like that. or be like that. i want to have emotional strength and patience. i want to be sure that someone loves me and doesn't care if i yell at him because i'm having a bad day. i want someone to tell me i'm being stupid for being insecure and wanting to break up. i want to be loved.

but i guess it doesn't happen like that, because now i'm the bad guy, remember?

light baggage.

lookie lookie my new awesome vintage bag.

bought online, mate.

i call it the 'bag budak korea' because...sama kot. haha.

front view looks awesome

side view looks solid, oh yeah

verdict: very hardcore! hahaha

i love online stuff now. they're cheaper mostly, and they're so quirky.

so i made myself an e.mastercard. teehee.

it's free, duit untuk topup saja la pikir. so it's all good.

oh i love freedom. chapter 2 literature review finished!!! :D

dari tegak bertimpuh, baik rebah merempuh.

"it's gonna get harder still,

before it gets easy."

my short term memory.

best. best. :)

(k.hana nampak cute.)

keje melambak kat tepi katil.

tak best tak best.

(80% tu sikit je kan...kan? oh no.)

shopping.

nikmat yang tak boleh diterangkan. harharhar.

(bazir duit la kau ni.)

(takpe, baju lame derma la. pahala kot.)

kawan-kawan cool.

awesome lah.

(jangan ade lipas dekat-dekat sudah. time tu tak ingat kawan la, tolak je sape-sape gi tepi. haha.)

gambar perempuan seksi.

ouh. tertengok la. serious!

hahahaha.

it's a circle, i mean cycle.

"the best of us can find happiness in misery."

80% of one chapter in one week.

can it be done?

i think frickin' not.

or maybe i'm just lazy and i like procrastinating.

hee.

hey aku tengah download kerja okay.

i'm not online for nothing. not today anyways, haha.

rindunye kamu. fluff. fluff.

a little cheering up is in order. it's not you though. :(

si tembam yang suka makan. ngee, cute.

si nakal yang tiba-tiba baik. ngee, pandai posing.

ada orang cakap saya 'interesting', dan tidak 'lame' atau 'gedik'.

harharhar, terima kasih. :P

sa cak sa.

for the love of N!

oh god this is so tiring.

and i've only been at it for like, an hour.

dissertations suck.

he doesn't though! N rocks! ♥ for you N!

*sadface*

hey.

i like the fact that i make sense to him.

i like the fact that he likes the same things that i do.

i enjoy our random conversations because i don't know how he'll react.

i like the fact that he loves horror movies. i need more friends to back me up haha.

i like talking to strangers. i like connecting with people.

he's cool. he likes both stephen king and j.k rowling. (!) he plays resident evil. he wants to play l4d.

the fact that he's soo friggin' young kind of makes me feel like a pedo though.

even though we're just strangers talking. hee.

hmm.

this is probably just me discovering the world.

stupid funny lame.

i ♥ charlie the unicorn.

shun the non-believer.

SHUNNNN!

hahaha.

here. watch it. :D

post lepas marah.

"back where i was now,

was it just a dream?"

some strange phone numbers have been popping up on my phone.

when i msg or answer the calls, no one replies.

hmmmph.

>:[

and to the kids in myspace.

yes, KIDS! why are you adding me?

all of you are 15-19 years old. so what gives?

i will not look at your pictures. i don't want to 'berkenalan'. i don't bloody care if you think i am cute. ew.

:\

marah marah marah.

haaaaih.

kemaafan yang paling bermakna ialah kemaafan yang ikhlas dari hati ye.

think about it.

p/s: GLEE! ♥

the goodbye.

so long, home.

so long abang. i hate the smells you make from that cigarette of yours, it reeks. satu rumah bau. but i will miss you and your general annoying self.

so long katil selesa. i shall miss your huge comfort and size. you're awesome to jump on, to rock out with, to laze around and just do nothing, which is what i always do.

so long, orang-orang kenduri. i can safely say that i will not miss you guys.

so long, midvalley. i like walking around your corridors, alone and unknowing, searching for something i can't find, and something i can't quite understand. and i love shopping. heehee.

so long, vacation days. i realize that after this i have to work extra hard, since i did next to nothing during this short holiday period. that is fine i guess. i will cope, i guess.

so long, life. i will miss you.

but four months from now, it'll be something totally different.

so long, uia. i told you i could do it.

i guess i should appreciate these last months eh?

ba da ba ba da ba ba ba!

"keep your feet on the ground,

when your head's in the clouds"

sigh.

(do it again! with gusto!)

sigh.

my exam results came out today.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

not my worst, but not really thrilling either. i thought i could have done better, y'know?

but! my worst is a b- so...heehee. ok lah kot. (^___^)

maybe instead of aiming for the sky, i should aim for the ceiling first, yeah?

SIGH.

oh well! that's done!

now, my thesis is next on the nervous list.

YEEEAAAAAAAAAAACCHHH.

whoever created thesis papers should be banned from ever enjoying life. he (i always assume the bad guys are of male origin. hee.) should be thrown into a hot steaming plate of tofu and made to eat it for the rest of his sucky, serious, tree-killing life. people should throw used q-tips at him and call him bobby.

kamu jahat. >:(

hmm.

my brother, ever the killjoy, told me to start on my work for this thesis already, or he said that i'd regret it.

i was like, "shun the killjoy! shunnnn!"

my dad, ever the academician, skyped me and said, "boleh la start buat thesis tu."

i was like, "nooooo ayahhhh..cutiiiiiii! cutiiii!!!"

(in reality i smiled sadly and said "insyaallah ayah" dengan menunduk terkesima. haih.)

my friend is in the process of completing 2 chapters already.

huh! with friends like these, who needs enemies? hahaha joke joke. i love my friends. :D

but can you see why i might be so stressed?

the people around me are too smart! toooo smart!

i drink juice from the carton!

i eat candy bars!

i love RIBENA for god's sake!

i'm too young to...

oh, i'm 22 dah.

start esok la thesis. :(

SIGH.

p/s: my cat is afraid of the dark. hahaha how frickin funneh. and cute. hee love you wallster! :)