OH NO THEY DIDN'T!

casey abrams is out of american idol? no way!

no way!

wtf. the people who didn't vote for him are, quite frankly, not right in the head. he's super talented, and he's got a great voice, and he's...awesome.  no...*depressed*

hampeh.

okay, i've been very naught...er, crazy today. (somehow i can never say naughty unless it's directed towards a kid or my cat. it just feels like...kinky. ahahaha...like, my kinky senses are tingling!)

i bought two things online. errrr. yes, my crazy shopping obsession has not weakened. i bought a black faux leather jacket, you know, because i've always wanted to be cool and cool people wear leather jackets. ahahahaaa..

another item i bought was this gorgeous skirt from an old flame.

photo from anoldflame.net

yep, i bought a frickin'skirt. well, to be honest it's just so pretty, and i'm kind of in that phase in my life where i wanna wear anything and do everything and just...live life. you know? screw being insecure and stuff. i know i'm still gonna be insecure, but..meh, i dunno. like my annoying 2nd boss always says, "buat apa mau takut?" ahahaaaa...

so yes, i bought this skirt on a whim. unfortunately, i'm an arse, so i forgot to save my transaction details to email to the blogshop. silly anis, very silly. (too excited kot at the moment) so i had to email the blogshop with my account number and nothing else as reference, hope everything turns out ok. :(

isn't the skirt awesome though? such a pretty pastel pink. it's obviously going to be a full length skirt for me, so it's all good. i'm so happeh. *grin*

i'm so excited!

ohh and i just found a blogshop selling shawls...

okay first thing tomorrow morning, i'm gonna go transfer half of my cash into my asb account so i don't spend all my frickin' cash. :\

gah.

and i was like, baby, baby, baby ohhhh.

okay please don't spam my email for putting those lyrics up hah.

i just had to do it. i had to. i'm actually watching the videoclip and hearing the song in full for the first time ever, because before this i've either heard it on the radio waktu time chorus (which i largely fault for fueling my road rage) or the glee version, which cracked me up like a mofo. sorry, sam evans, you're pretty and all, but not pretty enough to make me like the beebzter.

okay i admit, the song ain't half bad. it's not worthy of the half a billion views it's getting on youtube but it's alright for a kid. better than rebecca black's friday, i'll give you that. but meh, what's the deal with his hair anyways? it's like a fluffier, better maintained version of rambut suku penan pushed to the side. hmm, or maybe the fact that he's like, 10 years old doesn't appeal to my senses. ah well.

randomly, i read an article today about why guys nowadays get married late. basically there's a lot of shiz going on in  a guy's life that he has to save up for, i.e a car, a house, marriage and so on. now, according to the article, it's supposedly the mark of a true gentleman when your boyfriend (if you have one) pays for all your meals, buys you all sorts of wonderful things all the time and whatnot. this isn't the first time i've heard of this before, there was this one time when i hung out with my brother and male cousin, and they say the same thing.

the guy always pays for the girl.

dude, dude. i am all for a guy being a gentleman and all that. trust me, girls love guys who are all gentle, and manly and gentlemanly. but paying for your girl's meals and buying her stuff that she wants to buy because you are a gentleman? dude that's bull.

i mean, really? this ain't the 50s or something. women have real jobs nowadays. some earn more than men. women nowadays are sophisticated, have really high tastes and expect nothing but the best. (that being said, i am not a woman, at least not where the sophisticated part comes in) so why the heck should a guy treat a woman like she can't fend for herself? what, a guy's just supposed to live off of maggi and air kosong just so he can buy his girlfriend a pair of earrings or something equally ridiculous and girly?

i'm a girl. i do understand a woman's desire to feel pampered by the man she loves. but in all honesty, if i were in love with this dude i would rather eat with him at the mamak stall every day than to have him suffer so much just to give me some sort of short-lived satisfaction. if i have wants, i can get them my bloody self la. no need for a guy to pay for my meal, we'll just split it. bukannya my 'boyfriend' kenyang kalau aku yang telan benda tuh. 

don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to condemn (although i do sound like it huh? hmm. sorry about that) but if you love him, let him live. he's worked hard for all that cash. he probably wants to give it to his parents too, or his kid sister, or maybe he has an annoying pet cat who loves to eat expensive treats in tins (ahem), so let him have it once in a while at least. let him splurge on a bb gun, or buy an ipad, or go to an island vacation with his buddies or something. he deserves it, and we girls deserve some faith that we can fend for ourselves without help, thank you very much. (i used to think otherwise, but then life happened and now i'm starting to believe in myself a bit more)

and for guys who have loving girlfriends, congrats. don't get too obsessed about it though. a woman can be the downfall of many a good men, if that sentence even makes sense. love her the right way, hmm? (clue: her way might not always be the right way either) i'm a bit of a shopaholic myself, and trust me when i say materialistic happiness only lasts as far as the next sale. (this is kind of sad. but meh, i love shopping. at least i pay for my own shit)

end of crazy rant.

p/s: i can literally see the moon from my bedrrom window, and it's hanging really low in the sky tonight. it's huge, and red, and morbidly beautiful. alhamdulillah. :)

lupe fiasco sounds like a crappy name anyways.

warning: may contain some depressing statements and razorblades and emo songs and envy.

most of my officemates aren't in the office today, hence the sudden random impulse to post. not that i'm lazy to do my job...okay so i am too lazy to do my job. i feel like going back home, climbing into my messy bed and going under the covers and hug my pillow and just sleep. maybe listen to some random soundtrack of the rainforest or whatnot to get the mood going. ohh yeah.

*cue wink and saucy nod*

uhh. okay, random.

i know a lot of gorgeous people. okay saying that sounds a bit weird, but i think it's true. i know gorgeous people. a lot of my friends, be it male or female, are neat, well-dressed, pleasant looking chaps with attitudes that could make barney cry, they're so nice and all.

how come some people are so pretty on the inside and the outside? what gives? :(

why can't i be like that? i've got attitude problems, i'm annoying and loud and annoyingly loud, and i have a tendency to fret. i'm a nervous wreck. i'm terribly self-conscious and i tend to over-analyse things, even though i try very hard not to. i think i also have a tendency to show off, like pretend i'm cool or something...but i swear i don't try to do it, it just happens!

....and that just came out wrong.

and oh my god, i am such a perv. how can someone so short be such a weirdo? (and yes, i am short. i'm like 145 or something, i lost track after realising that my 12 year old cousins are taller than me, gah.) and can you see the way i just make fun of myself? oh man.

i'm also a very emotional person..heh. i have cat hairs on my clothes everytime i step out of the house. yeah, i'm that kind of person. i eat a lot of junk food, and i hate cockroaches, even though they are actually super-cool, because what other animal can live for like a whole week without it's fucking head? hardcore, man.

however, i think all of my friends are such beautiful people because they're confident in themselves. they know who they are, accept their weaknesses and use those to their advantage (acewah macam jawapan interview) and they probably (just guessing here) love who they are.

so i'm gonna do that. i'm gonna fix myself and not get so screwed up in the head, turn over a new leaf and not think about sleeping so much, be a bit more rajin than usual (i'm just setting realistic goals here ok) and love myself, just the way i am. because bruno mars told me that i'm amazing just the way i am and bruno mars never lies. (why? is he like the pope or something? does the pope lie? hmm..)

okay. so okay then. it is with great shame and utter honesty that i must declare myself to be...

totally awesome.

and i totally rainbow-ed that shit. ahahahha...okay so maybe i am messed up in the head, but come on man, i can't be emo all the time. gotta learn to do some self-loving, okay.

and finally, because this post is random and totally weird and doesn't make sense whatsoever (i was bored, okay?), i just thought i'd liven it up a bit with this:

this is hilarious. 

trip to the dentist aka hell.

gah. it's been a while since i've posted, and while i don't think anyone reads the crap i write in here, i do love writing and posting up random thoughts in here. i like blogging because it's liberating, you know? there's something about storing your memories away in a journal, or blog, or just a plain diary that releases stress in a whole different way than say, talking to a friend.

aaaaaanyways, rambling off. it's been a tiring week i think. lots of work to do and the bosses hovering behind our backs. i do not think that i will ever enjoy being a quantity surveyor, because ít's bland and repetitive and it's not very creative, but hopefully i can get used to it one day and just learn to appreciate what god's given me.

one huge thing that has happened to me is that i went to the dentist last week, due to an aching tooth which made my teeth throb like mad. turns out, going to the dentist was the worst. decision. ever. i had to endure 2 bloody hours of pain, because i could still feel pain even when the dentist injected me with anesthetics twice. my tooth had to be extracted but it was difficult because the tooth actually broke into two parts so it was actually like pulling 2 teeth out.

it was so painful i came back home and immediately had a fever, i'm so ashamed lol. i also have 2 ulcers which bled like crazy this whole week and was throbbing like a mofo so i tried gargling with water with salt in it but that didn't work, so i put salt directly onto the ulcers but that only succeeded in making me cry and punch the wall and the pain still didn't go away. (i also felt pain while i was on the painkillers that the dentist gave me, what's up with that?) so finally i bought some gel thingy for the ulcers which helped for like half an hour before it started to hurt again and so i took the final step and gargled with listerine too. 

oh my god. gargling with listerine when you have ulcers that bleed is extremely painful. i admit, i also cried like a mofo. but at least it numbed the damned things. good for me. (randomly, the whole surgery cost me like nearly 300 hundred bucks. yes and it was a surgery. my gums were cut, apparently. no wonder la sakiiiiiiiitttt. i just found out today when i went for my check-up. even pain isn't for free nowadays, sheesh.)

however, i'm just glad i didn't end up like david did after he went to the dentist.

hahaha this is hilarious. i wanna have a kid like this one day, lolz.

a post for my grandmother.

my grandmother, the only living grandparent i've ever had, passed away this morning at 4.00 am.

she was admitted to the hospital earlier this week, doctors first were confused and didn't know if she had an infection or a stroke. turns out she had a stroke which affected her brains, and had been in a coma the whole time she was at the hospital.

so it's good that she's finally able to pass on to the other side, because we certainly did not want her to suffer.

i do regret not being able to go back to kelantan to see her for the last time though. i wasn't that close to my grandmother, i never really knew what to say to her. but it doesn't mean that i am not affected by her passing.

i think i'm realising that life is too short and fleeting for us not to just be happy and grateful and appreciate all the seconds we have. i want to appreciate my mondays to sundays, i want to appreciate the hot sun and the wind and my friends and family. life is too unpredictable, we don't know when it'll just one day...end.

i want to feel closer to my Creator. i want redemption. i want my soul to be clean. i don't want to hate, or envy, or keep wishing for things that i do not have. i want to be the kind of person i would never ever regret being when i'm on my deathbed and gasping for my last breath.

i don't know. this is all heavy stuff.

harap tok wan ditempatkan dalam golongan orang-orang beriman dan beramal soleh. amin.