frankly, you're not worth it anymore.

"why don't you like me,

without making me try?"

guh. been calling around a bunch of qs firms today.

got a few promising ones. some were disappointing. one company was really quite odd.

hmm.

i kind of regret not doing this whole "think carefully about your future" thingy.

because maybe if i had been rajin-er i'd get that job at jubm.

see, the guy who interviewed me told me that my application wasn't rejected,

just reserved. he says all the posts have been filled up,

but the next time something comes up í'll be considered.

this basically to me means a kinder way of blowing me off, but whatever man. malas pikir.

and my utm application status?

the online application was received by faculty 13th october. i'm like, what the heck?

3 months and this is all i get? but according to my future supervisor,

this is apparently 'normal'. so that might take a while.

so right now,

i'm applying for jobs.

i'm applying for my masters.

i'm applying for other stuff too.

which one do i actually wanna do first ni?

ARGHHHH.

i don't know.

i don't care.

wait, i can't not care. i care i care. i just...sigh.

i just don't know who i wanna be.

i don't know where i should focus.

i have absolutely no clue as to who i will turn out to be in the future.

and that scares me.

i don't want to be okay at something.

i want to be great at something. reliable. adept. skillful. super-awesome.

okay maybe not super-awesome. you get what i mean though right?

i'm scared of the future.

help.

you make me wanna lala.

...what the fuck does that mean anyways?
is lala some kind of new euphimism for going to the toilet or something? meh.

anyways,
"i like colourful clothing in the sun,
cause it doesn't remind me of anything."
-audioslave

:)
ohh yeah.

i think i'm in love with a man with lots of tattoos and a yellow tee shirt.
he smiles a lot and loves to cook.
he has a gorgeous smile, if it counts.
and he's super fashionable. i found him on lookbook lol.
he's ADORKABLE. :0

...having said that, i think i also have a teensy crush on his girlfriend.
(well, i think she's the guy's girlfriend. or friend. whatever, she's pretty.)
so ha, i don't write about boys all the time. i write about girls too. haha.

haih.

bump the barnacle!

"they're awesome manly pain tears. they're not emotional.

...okay maybe they're a little emotional."

i may be a bit slow on the uptake,
but i absolutely had no clue that neil patrick harris is gay!
i mean, he's a womanizer in how i met your mother and harold and kumar,
so i kinda thought he was straight. and you know, always gettin' some, lol. meh.
but i checked out all his other roles throughout the years too. (because i'm weird like that)
he's been on sesame street, family guy, and the simpsons. like, can i say cool?
nph, you're super-fly. fist bump!
(he's adorable though, right? he looks like a kid! he's 37 years old!)

hah this post seems to have nph all over it. nice.

i want new headphones. and another hard disk.
and a new ipod skin. an awesome one. like gelaskin or something.
and...yeah, other stuff. meh.

things that go bump in the dark.

i think guys who give good smirks are smokin' hot. ;)


hmm, downloaded and watched the remake for nightmare on elm street today.
the movie was kinda meh, nothing to get all freaked out about.
i was kinda disappointed. it was predictable, hollywood-ish and not very creative.
thank god for kellan lutz being in the movie. lolz.
(but what's up with kellan having so little screen time? sucks.) (vampire joke lolz.)

and i was kind of disappointed by freddy krueger himself.
see, i like jackie earle haley (he plays freddy in the new movie).
i think he was superb in watchmen, and i've seen him in little children too.
but in this movie, he talks too much as freddy. srsly, talking monsters aren't that scary.
it kind of ruins the atmosphere when fred has conversations with his victims.
it goes from the exorcist straight to barney and friends, just like that.

plus i feel he lacks some junk in the nose department. i mean, look at that!

the real freddy krueger would never be ashamed of his best feature.

i don't know. maybe i'm not supposed to compare.

maybe this movie should stand on its own, flat-nosed and all...but if it did, it'd kinda suck.

so again, thank god for kellan. oh, and kyle gallner's pretty adorable too.

wait. i'm missing the point here. this is not a romcom, it's a frickin' horror movie!

have i lost my love for all things that go bump in the night?

have i been focusing on the prettier things in the movie too much?

have i *gasp!* become a lady?

NOOOOOOOO...

just leave me be okay? let me watch twilight in peace.

har-hardy-har-har.

random picspam!

[warning: pics are so awesome your head might implode]

today i'm feeling random, so pictures galore!
piccies are taken using my htc wildfire, using this super-fly software i just downloaded called vintage demo.
basically when you take a picture you can customize the settings and turn your photos into these beautiful works of art. niiice.

some of the rad effects include vintage, lomo, sepia, vignette, lens effect and all.
the frames can be customized, with stuff like square, film effect, panorama, etc.
i can even change the sensitivity, white balance, and all that jazz that i don't really know about.
srsly, not trying to promote the software, but it's kind of awesome because now all my pictures of wally are really creative and interesting! ...to me, anyway. haha.

but let the pictures speak for themselves.

(banyak gambar wally, so pls bear with me. haha.)

nice, huh?

ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

guh.
guh.
GAAAAAAAH.

today has been one tiring mess after another. seriously.
whatever happened to having nothing to do?

tayar kereta dipancitkan orang. -rm150 right there. i will honestly pray for your demise. buggers.
kena saman mppj sebab security at my apartment tiba-tiba have the sudden urge to complain about all the cars there, when people have been parking there since the beginning of time pun takde masalah.
mppj, being the money-hungry body that they are, saman la all like, 50 cars out there. fuckers.
that was -rm100, but well, let's say i got rid of that one pretty easily. >:)
then because of said saman incident and tayar kereta incident,
i decided to rent a parking space in the apartment. safer meh.
so that's what, -rm330 for this month plus deposit and all?
and rm150 the following months?

OHMYGOD PEOPLE I AM UNEMPLOYED LA!
i don't have that much cash! money does not grow on trees! and even if it did i don't have a tree, okay?
yes, i am trying to get into utm or um.
yes i am also trying to get a job.
yes i am trying to save all i can right now, because i don't wanna burden my parents.
does the concept of love and mercy appeal to no one right now?
we have fluffy kittens on this side, come on to this side!

:(
i guess i just feel like ranting, yeah.
nobody to blame for these things anyways. i'm so tired.

i was so tired and hungry just now (tak makan lagi) that i've reduced myself to being the "angsty adult in tiny car blasting loud angry music about hating people" type. you know it's not safe for the general human population when i'm like that, right? why then, why?

good thing i'm more patient that before. kalau tidak there'd be a huge temper tantrum in the middle of the federal highway where angsty adult decides to hit every pedestrian she sees on the road. haha. i mean, ha.

by the way, i just had a haircut yesterday. meh, it was a joint decision with my mom.
she says i'm too lazy to take care of long hair. true that, homie. haha.
now i have great, luscious hair akin to that of...uh, justin bieber. (bad choice i know)
oh wait. that was yesterday. my hair's pretty frizzed out and flyaway today,
so maybe it's more of a 'simon cowell on a good hair day' kind of look. if i try really hard. lol.

whatever. hair is hair. (cakap orang malas huh)

after all, those wings will take you up so high..

"dear friends in higher places,

carry me away from here."

today's my super-lazy day. ;)

i haven't had those in a while. i think my mom's too active to let me sit around and do nothing for a whole day, but now that i'm living with my brother and there's just the 2 of us, i can pretty much do whatever.

even if whatever means eating 3 pieces of bread for the whole day, sitting around in my bedroom surfing the internet and watching random movies and annoying my still sick-ish cat. hee.

i'm too lazy to eat though. i have this saying. or a principle, i don't know which.

i think that if you'r not hungry and you don't feel like eating, why eat?

you're not gonna appreciate stuff going into your stomach.

you're not gonna feel better after eating anything.

you get no satisfaction out of it, so why eat?

why eat if you're not even feeling hungry?

...although, this might prove to be troublesome tomorrow,

when i'm clutching my tummy yelling for food and gastric medication. huh.

...

oh look, my cow's upside down. ahaha.

i realize that most of the times, my posts just don't make sense. or they're randomly based.

or they're not very entertaining. i realize all that, and i don't care. because my mind actually does work like this. so...too bad la if you don't like me. cause i like me. hah.

ten speed (of god's blood and burial)

no, that is not me trying to defy god or anything. it's just that i'm soooo addicted to this song right now. yeah, it's a song, go figure. but it's an old song, one i've heard so many times before. it's by coheed and cambria, the lead singer with the voice of a 12 year old chick. haha.

tapi tibe-tibe dengar skarang hooked pulak kan. pelik la ko ni anis. but listen to it. it has that sinister vibe to it, like i'm suddenly gonna violently stab a pillow and do the rain dance. or something interesting liddat.

took wallster to the vet again today. he's always getting fleas on his body.
i don't know if it's just lazy-ass me, or the crazy-ass fleas, or that cheeky-ass wally that's creating all this trouble, but i'm sick of it. i hate seeing those little black specks on his fur. the vet says that there's no way that i can get rid of it like 100%, so that sucks. but i had to buy some more stuff for him to make him less kutu-ish. i swear, i spend more on him every time i visit the vet. dah la aku pokai. :'(

i also put in a lot of research for my buddy wally here. for example, from what i read, they say that only 10% of the total numberof fleas reside on a pet, which means that 90% of those buggers are in our environment. ewwww. eucalyptus oil helps because it's a naturally derived disinfectant thingy and it wards off ticks, mites and the like. i swear, if it wasn't for wally, i wouldn't have even noticed or cared about these things. huh.

my mom still says that i'm wasting my cash and time though. hahaha.
ah well mama, you like wally too. don't lie lah. :P

i think there's a chic pop flea market tomorrow at ttdi. who wants to follow??
*grin* bye!

of bacterias and donut.

today i said goodbye to my mom.
i was really sad, because i've spent like 5 months constantly by her side, doing everything together.
now she has to go back to riyadh.
oh well, i guess life can't go the way we expect it to, yeah.

anyways, my convocation was last saturday.
guess i'm a true fresh graduate now huh. yippee.
truth was, the whole hassle of convocation escapes me. i don't know why anyone would go through that just to tell people that you've graduated. i mean, i can just update my status on facebook and voila!
everyone will know that i've graduated. :P
but nope. it doesn't work like that. nothing ever does. so now i've got blisters the size of a hippo,
and my left big toe is numb. frickin' numb, i tell you.

meh. i've got a really good story to tell,
but i'm just way too lazy to type it down lol.
so, later y'all.