please let me live my life!

i appreciate my parents, i truly do. i know they love me and they always have the best intentions.

but grr sometimes i'm so mad i could kill someone. (not them obviously)

so what if i'm slow with applying for my masters? i was busy with work before so i couldn't do my proposal because
a) i'm tired and i need rest. i am human. is it so wrong that i want to waste my saturday on having fun when i've been all sorts of stressed out the whole week? i am not a machine, i do not run on gas and nags. i run on happiness and unicorns (lol wait getting sidetracked here).
b) you think proposals boleh buat tanpa pikir ka? those things take time ok. even when i was in uni under the (patient) guidance of a good lecturer pun aku buat lambat gila, inikan pulak when i've been out of the whole academician thing for a year, clueless on the topic at hand and rusty at making words sound more intelligent then they seem.

so yeah, it took me a long time to get my application done. sue me. if you want someone who gets their shit done in an organised manner and within the time frame you set for them, then find someone else. or do it yourself.

and i just don't understand the whole rush to get me into doing my masters. i mean, why? what's so great about rushing into things that you can't just chill for a second and take life as it is? yeah, i know i shouldn't be wasting time. time is precious. time waits for no man.

but i am young, and i don't wanna be rushed into things just because time is not on my side. because you know what, in life, nothing is on your side. so relax and live a little, and don't be so uptight. every time i skype with them they nag and nag and nag at me without really actually knowing the context as to why i can't do my work yet, why i haven't sent in my proposal, etc. and honest to god, i can't stand it.

sometimes, what my parents don't understand is i am not them. i am not my mother, and i am not my father. so i'm not as hardworking as they are or as confident, i am not a good cook or a great writer. i am not good with numbers.

i am myself. i am anis. i am slow, stupid, whatever the hell i am, i am me. i want to live and to not be so fucking serious and uptight all the time because i don't need my life to be a series of accomplishments.

i'd rather have a life filled with good memories, and doing things my way, and having a life that's fulfilled with the things i actually want to do. so what if i don't rush from working to studying? so what if i waste some time? this is my life we're talking about, not some kind of rat race. i can't be forced into doing things the way you want them just because your think your ideals are better than mine. i am not a stuffed animal. i have my own wants and needs and i think that if i don't take care of those then who the fuck will?

gah. i am so frustrated. and kind of sad, and disappointed as well, if i'm being honest. unless i'm doing something life-alteringly wrong like killing a man or robbing a bank i don't think anyone should force me to do anything, best intentions or not. could you please just let me live my life the way i want to, stupid decisions and all? just...support the decisions i make and be there for me when i need you, i mean honestly, do you think nagging and judging me will make things better?

sigh.

out with the old, in with the new.

so! yesterday was my birthday, yay me for making it all the way to 24. as a sort of celebratory blog post, i thought it'd be fun to make a comparison of who i was when i was 17 and who i am now as a 24 year old.

i've changed a lot since i was 17. as a teenager i was the epitome of depressing, and as an adult (if you could call me that) i am now the epitome of awesome.

oh come on if you can't indulge me on my birthday you are heartless i tell you. heartless.

ah well. this is what i came up with.

random post made with pure glitters and awesomeness.

it's nearly 1.30 in the morning.

what the heck am i still doing up?

that is all.

no one sees you like i do.

there is absolutely nothing going on with my life.

nothing.

that awkward moment when...

so there's this kind of hype right now on the internet where people are always saying stuff starting with the phrase, "that awkward moment when...", so i've decided, in the light of recent events, to follow suit and do the same thing.

here is my list.

that awkward moment when:

- there are people fighting around you and they're obviously pissed off at each other and you're smack in the middle of the fight and you don't know whether you should act like you didn't hear a word they said or just quietly creep into the room and shut the door.

- your good friends ask you to join an activity with them but you can't because said activity could cost you loads of money and you can't afford to waste cash right now because you're shit broke and don't know when you'll get your next paycheck.

- you find food just lying around in the living room area and you wanna eat it but it's obviously someone else's so you can't eat it but you've been wanting to eat it for some time but haven't had the time to go to midvalley to buy it so in the end you left it there, all on it's own, sad and lonely... (ok wtf this isn't even awkward. i just wanted to say that i've been mengidam-ing tako tao and i saw some last night but tak tau sapa punya. sadface.)

- your officemates keep telling you that you should totally hook up with this one cute guy who comes to your office every now and then and you secretly think to yourself, "i wish i could, but he'd never like someone like me."

- people you either know or don't know come up to you and tell you that you're short. oh my god i've spent nearly 24 years of my life thinking that i was tall, my dreams have been shattered to dust!

..ah well. can't think of any more right now, since i just got distracted reading failbook which is funny. as. hell.

later!

i'll follow you into the dark.

"life's too short to even care at all, woah oh oh"

--cough syrup, young the giant

when i was in my more rebellious teenage years, i wanted to become a graffiti artist.

and if i'm willing to admit it, even only to myself, i still really want to be one.

i mean, there's something very liberating about being an artist itself, but graffiti artists have an aura of mystery to them. few graffiti artists reveal their identities to the world because sometimes people might not understand the message that they're trying to deliver. 

graffiti artists make use of what's available in the built environment to create a beautiful work of art, i mean, how cool is that? the whole world is their canvas! i think they're creative, sneaky little bastards that deserve more respect and admiration than what they're getting right now.

and one thing's for sure: street art is for everyone. anyone and everyone can enjoy this art, it's just a matter of personal taste. i like the ones that have a statement, because sometimes people can't or won't listen to the things that matter, so what better way to tell the world than to draw it?

here are some the stuff that i like:

some profound stuff from banksy, all the way in palestine. (taken from sunray22b.net)

another banksy work of art. did you know that banksy's the most famous graffiti artist in the world? supposedly nobody knows who he is.
(from treehugger.com)

i saw this german artist called el bocho on tv. very pretty yeah? (from artwallbreakers.com)

pixel art! sooooo bloody cool. geddit? water = cool? nevermind. (from trendland.net)

this must've taken days to make, wtf. artist is jake dobkins. (from flickr.com)

this is a favourite of mine. monsieur andre! (from sudjuice.blogspot.com)

cool. (source unknown, lol sorry i forgot)

cool right? and for most of them this isn't even about making money or getting media attention. they're anonymous, like freaking ninjas. they do it because it's a passion. that's what i love the most about graffiti art. it's a labour of love, there isn't a hidden agenda behind any of them, it's just about getting your message across in the most creative way possible. because hey, a picture's worth a thousand words right?

damn, i should've never stopped drawing and sketching and all that. i have so much respect for these artists. i think once i quit my job as a qs by the end of this year and start with my masters, i'm gonna pursue this passion once again and re-acquaint myself with photoshop!

street art ftw!

the clark kent syndrome.

i have a question. 

does a person really look that different when they switch from wearing glasses to wearing contact lenses?

i've been wearing glasses since i was 0.3547211 years old and have only recently jumped into the contact lenses bandwagon. i just felt like a change, you know? i like wearing glasses, especially those nerdy ones, but sometimes i wanna blend in and you know, look fun for a change. like, if you wear glasses you don't have a lot of options for wearing your tudung (headscarf)...well i don't have a lot of options anyways, because i am clueless about things like that. :\

...randomly, how the heck do some girls just magically obtain these scarf-winding-around-the-head skills? i mean, i watch youtube for videos on how to style your hijab, and i don't. understand. a. thing. (i usually just show the video to my officemate and make her learn the style and then teach it to me. which she does in like, 5 minutes. what the EFF.)  

ehh, hilang fokus kejap. moving on, yeah, glasses. i went to my brother's wedding (belah perempuan) yesterday, and people didn't recognise me. and i was like, why? does one look that different without glasses? or are people just so accustomed to the thing that seeing a person without their glasses just looks weird or something? 

i ask because i'm so curious. when i was a kid i lolwtf'd when i watched superman, because see, superman doesn't wear glasses but his alter ego, clark kent does. he goes back and forth between being a superhero and being a nerdy dude wearing nerdy glasses, and people never know that it's him.

so...maybe i've got this whole clark kent-superman thing down pat?

this is just like me...except i'm way more buff than he is.

ah, i know! there's probably also the hijab style factor to consider. i used to wear tudung bawal and refused to wear other types of tudung materials and styles, because i'm classic like that. 

pah, you know what? i'll show you pictures. before and after. you be the judge, playa.

BEFORE:

i'm really good at making weird faces. everyone says so.

but now i've decided to update myself, and i look like this! bam! 

AFTER:

picture not suitable for minors under the age of 18.

okay so the picture is horrible, and i'm sweating like a mofo, and i'm making yet another weird face. i'm sorry, but this was taken yesterday from the wedding and i was the photographer, so i couldn't bloody well take pictures of myself could i? and the shots that do have my face are either of me...uh, making weird faces, or the pictures are all blurred. fml. 

and yes, i was sweating profusely while that picture was taken, it was warm and i was wearing black. and i look fat because fat is my middle name. okay? okay?

but anyways...what do you think? do i look different? 

i think i look the same...eww. (cue sad elton-john-type music) sigh, am i the only girl in the world who takes 1054292 pictures of herself on the camera but can only find 2 good pictures of herself? (and one is of her making a funny face, sheesh)

SUCKS.

p/s: randomly, one of my friends told me that i look like a friendlier person when i'm wearing glasses, and that i look a bit snobbish without them. i can neither confirm nor deny this tidbit of information, thus i shall need to experiment further on this idea. 

if i ever get outta here.

this has been a horrible month, to be perfectly honest.

first of all, and most importantly, i still haven't got my salary for june. and now it's nearly the end of july, what. the. fark. how are we supposed to work in this kind of environment la idiot bosses? i am honestly fed up with the whole situation, fuck it i'm looking for a new job. 

then the people of ambank has made the past friday a living nightmare for me by towing away my car. you read that right. they towed away my car. these 3 indian fellas came up to see me at my office and wanted my car keys. i was freaked as hell, i'll tell you that. ambank claims that my parents haven't paid for my car installment for 5 months already, which is impossi-fucking-ble. (sorry i'm a bit riled up) turns out the payments have been going in tapi for some ungodly reason it couldn't go through the stupid bank's system and so hilang macam tu je. so my parents had to pay for the whole 5 months (i'm so sorry mama and ayah, i love you both) and then i dunno la how they're gonna track the missing cash that they already paid before this.

sigh. baru petang tadi pegi ambik my car. ambank is slow. system is ridiculously outdated. i am appalled at the kind of service they're providing and i would've smacked the people involved in this right in the nads. fortunately, or unfortunately, i still have some semblence of patience left in me, so i'll let this one pass. but i will pray that those people who have done me wrong will get raped by giant bloody spiders from hell. grr.

 gah. i miss shopping. shoppiiiiiiinggggg. :(

let me drive, i'm really good at snapping my fingers!

i like driving my car around town. i find a tiny kind of satisfaction from driving that i can't get anywhere else, it's like a taste of freedom, or something corny like that. i like blasting my loud obnoxious music from the car stereo, and i like watching people during traffic light stops. it's like a feeling of power i guess, when i'm behind these wheels, baby i'm my own boss. ha.

however, the driving condition in kl sucks like nobody's business. i hate traffic jams. they're boring and time-consuming and damned tiring because you're inching forward about this much everytime you move forward. and what is the deal with the rain anyways? everytime even a drop of rain decides to come down from the sky, bam! jam already.

ffffffuuuuuuuuu.....

but most of all, my awesome driving experience usually gets tainted by the crazy, i-can't-drive-but-i-can-try kind of people. the drivers. aaaarrrrgh.

let's divide these drivers into a few categories, shall we?

sindrom gamer tegar.

ha, that's probably the first malay blog title i've ever written? strange, i'm malay, tapi tak mau cakap melayu lol.

it's not that i don't like writing in malay, it's just that when i'm really serious with myself, i think in english. does that make sense?

probably not. but so what if i don't write in malay? i love my language all the same, but english is just more universal and easier to understand. sometimes when i speak in malay the message just doesn't get across.

lagipun...(lol that's anyway in malay la kan?) i've been looking at some gaming videos on youtube at random because they're just hilarious (i love nerds)..and it kind of made me reminisce about the good ol' days when i actually had time to play computer games.

once you start working, you can't have the luxury of wasted time anymore. after some detailed qs-like calculation, it's been determined that 42% of my time is spent at the office, 25% sleeping, and the other 33% is probably spent eating and trying not to fall asleep after being at the office for so frickin' long. yeesh, just think of all the time i've wasted doing work!

well, whatever. i'm in the process of installing the witcher 2 and i am so excited, ooh yeah! when i was at digital mall buying the cd, one of the people at the cd stall was this young amoi, who looked at me in wonder and said, "you mau main ka game ni? ingatkan lelaki saja yang suka main game macam ni mah." at that comment, i just smirked and walked away.

no la, actually i grinned and said, "ya la, game ni best tau. u cuba main tengok!" and then proceeded to look very proud of myself even though i actually lack the courage and common sense it takes to play pc games.

but it's all good. i can impress the ladies and the dudes now. lol.

you know what? it's funny, but all of my favourite games are actually really old games. the witcher was released a few years back, unreal tournament was released in what, 2007? counter-strike toksah cakap la, it's old school as hell but still ranks pretty high in my list of all time favourite games ever. i think those are pretty much the games that i'm really into. left 4 dead is awesome but i keep freaking out and jumping out of my chair everytime a swarm of zombies come. i'm chicken, i admit.

and i also like eating chicken. ohhh yeah.

mmm...chicken. (credit to nataliedee.com)

ha. okay random. kamon witcher, what's taking ya so long?

before i go, here's a picture of something funneh. because that's just how i roll.

failblog.org..it's as cool as the wind in your hair.

bye!

you and me baby, we're stuck like glue.

sometimes, when you really don't wanna do something, that's when you have to do it the most.

you know the current situation isn't helping at all. you know you'll end up losing more than you gained in some ways. you know you'll be miserable, pissed off, tired and depressed.

so why the hell are you still working there anis?

well, it's simple. i like the people there. my office is quite awesome compared to the horror stories i've heard about officemates from friends and family members. i like hanging out with them, and i'm comfortable with them. some of you might think that comfort doesn't matter when it comes to a job, but i beg to differ. i don't like working in stressful situations. i don't like awkward silences and have always tried to fill them up in stupid ways in the past. i don't like an office where you're expected to work work work and can't mix in your personal life in there as well.

well guess what? if you work a 9-5 job (or whatever long hours you're working) then your job IS your personal life too. they're intertwined. you gotta find a way to make yourself happy somehow, right? i think if i were to work in a really boring, serious environment i would explode from all the pent up stress and tension. i'm like that. can't mind my own business.

aaaanyways, there ends my boring rant on work life. it sucks, by the way. not my rant, working life. i'm just wishing for a day when what i'm passionate about becomes my work. but until then...

things on my mind today?

1) i bought the withcer 2 last week. hell yah! *fist pump* my brother installed and played it first though, because i tend to get a tad obsessed with playing games when i'm really into it so i'll have to find some spare time before i can play. my brother tells me that ít's a bit of a letdown though, because the first witcher was so awesome that it just doesn't compare. :(

will try it for myself though..still a bit excited to be quite honest. randomly, i become a bit of an idiot when i play games because i am scared to death that the character i'm playing will die. :\ this is humiliating, but everytime i play left 4 dead, when a hoard of zombies attack i will freak out and pause the game 1st before i can really attack. bit of a wuss really ha ha. fun though! *shitfaced grin*

p/s: i really hate geralt's voice in this new witcher. it doesn't suit him at all. the voice sounds like a dude who smokes pot, eats a lot of hot dogs and dates cheerleaders, but the great geralt of rivia needs the voice of someone who inhales the smoke of burning houses that he set on fire, feeds on the souls of evil men and has casual flings with various effeminate looking creatures after he's just saved them from a ghoul...or something.

geralt needs the voice of chuck norris. boo-yah.

2) june is no shopping month. i imposed a shopping ban upon myself because i can't stand the thought of me being addicted to another unhealthy thing hah. but it's been really, and i mean reaaaaally tough. went out with friends last weekday and saw that sasa is having this huge sale on cosmetics. the pain of not being able to shop offline and online is making me grumpeh.

but alas, i am a disciplined, serious, focused person. i will get through this.

3) i'm already making a list of things to buy in july. HAHAHAHAHA.

4) i'm sort of having this old school music phase right now. i keep listening to modern covers of old songs, ie heard it through the grapevine which was originally from marvin gaye, some of the beatles, a bit of rhcp thrown in there and a lot of glee covers. yeah i'm kinda embarassed about that too haha.

really sleepy now. this was kind of a pointless update nyech.

naight.

the day the world ended, and life began.

nope, the title doesn't have anything to do with my topic for this post.

this post's actual title is girly and a bit pansy-like, which is why i decided to go with a macho, emo post title.

ah enough with the ranting anis. get with it. okay, the title for my post today is about my current beauty wish list (the blush edition). 

i find these great fun, these beauty lists. if they're not your thing just don't read them la. i may be kind today and dish out two posts, just for you. ha. and i wanted to make one whole list dedicated to just blushes because quite frankly, blushes are teh bomb.

keep in mind that though i do like blushes and wear them practically every day nowadays (tch, such a girl) i don't overdo it and pile on a bunch of stuff on my face to look like a hobo in the cold. i just wear it to make my face look less dead. :[

and on we go!  

wishing.

i can't recall a time where i haven't wished for something. i wish i could be more hardworking. i wish i could eat less junk food. i wish it wasn't so humid nowadays.

i'm always wishing for something that i don't have.

why though? are the things that i have now so bad? why can't i appreciate things the way they are?

why must i be discontented all the time?

appreciate life, anis. appreciate what you have. appreciate all the bad, shitty things that have happened in your life and take them in stride, because you know that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger and yes, they don't just say things like that in movies anymore. appreciate all your bad traits and habits because how can you make yourself a better person when you don't even acknowledge the problems in the first place?

i will enjoy this life. i will take every blood, sweat, tear and complaint (of which i have plenty to spare) and use these things to make me...me.

one day i will be so proud of who i am today. one day, i will wish for nothing more than to be me.

i get by with a little help from my friends.

"and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"

nom nom nom. that's how i'm eating my dinner now. (oh you think you're so cute aren't you?)

dinner tonight consists of a peanut butter bun which i have successfully bought from the store below my housing unit a few minutes ago. very healthy. very rajin of me yeah.

haha. yeah yeah i know i'm supposed to be making my own breakfast and dinner since it saves money and all, but to make food, you gotta have food. what i have in the kitchen now would probably make martha stewart commit suicide, it's so depressing.

today's my lazy day anyways. (other days are considered good productive days. yes i am that bad) stayed in bed practically the whole day just lazing about with the wallster, watching movie clips and downloading random songs from yewtoob. it was only around 8 something when i started freaking out and vacuuming the house, doing the laundry and ironing my work clothes for the upcoming week.

high five, woman. you win the award for laziest turd ever. haha.

today's mother day, as i'm sure everyone's well aware of...except for me. i only remembered when my mom told me through skype a few hours ago, and i was like, "crap! i love you mama!" ^__^

yes i am lazy and i am a terrible daughter. i swear i just forgot though, i'm known to be horrible with remembering things like pulling my zip up, remembering birthday dates and doing work.

on the other i am quite good with remembering songs and random things from movies or books which i love like harry potter and horror novels and the like. so does this mean i should sing everything so i can remember things better?

hmm.

bought some stuff last saturday at digital mall. i'm always buying stuff, aren't i? hmm again. well, at least this time i didn't buy any makeup items. or clothes. or any girly stuff for that matter. it's the digital mall, they don't sell those anyways haha. i went looking for an fm transmitter that i could connect to my ipod, since i'm tired of having to burn one mixed cd every week to satisfy my musical cravings. they're pretty cheap nowadays, the ones for mp3's are anyways, they run about rm40 kalau yang ok. there were cheaper ones also, but those looked kinda crappy.

i bought mine for rm49, because there weren't many shops selling transmitters for ipods/iphones. the branded ones were like super expensive though, about 300 bucks. what the eff. -.-

i also bought a cooler master for my laptop. i thought these things were more expensive, but they turned out to be pretty cheap. prolly cos they're made in china. (dunno if this is bad or good) now'my laptop's cooler than me (like mike posner) and i am so ready for some witcher or unreal tournament lovin', heck even some harry potter lovin' since i have the game lol.

...you know, i'm seeing a pattern here. i always post about 4 things, and 4 things only. one, my random random thoughts which i doubt anyone understands anyway, two, my love for things like zombies and vampires (read: real vampires, not emo sparkly ones), three, makeup and fashion, and four, nothing. oh and i diss a lot of random things, mostly work haha.

oh well. i'll go discover new things to rant about k? ta!

zombie apocalypse and sparkle-hating.

i fear that the holiday must end, one way or another.

...sigh. even though today has been a bit of a crazy boat, i still prefer a dozen of these days to one day at the office. office life is so boring, the only tiny compensation i get out of it is that i get cash (lol) and i get to dress up and be an adult and look pretty at work, whereas at home i would just look like jason.

his hair looks cooler than mine though. (image from akorra.com)

i'll be making some kek batik later tonight, because my brother's been hankering me to do it since yesterday. even though my cake looks a bit dodgy, to be honest it tastes awesomecakes. lol. meh it tastes ok i guess, as far as kek batiks go.

randomly, what would you do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

i have always asked this question to myself. see, i'm a bit of a daydreamer, so whenever i see a movie with an interesting concept or idea, or something just plain cool i tend to wander off with the idea in my head. like, for example, a zombie apocalypse. or a war between man and beast where only a select few special ones can save the world from impending doom and its people from being eaten like shishkebabs. stuff like that.

i watched the whole season of the walking dead yesterday with my brother, and can you believe that the first season only has 6 episodes? what the heck. and the second season isn't even out yet i think, as far as my googling has shown. watching it has made me formulate an idea in my head.

(in case you haven't realized yet, me having ideas is not a good thing. i tend to exaggerate and obsess. this is completely normal in my case so you shouldn't be alarmed that i'm taking this way too seriously.) 

in the event of a zombie apocalypse, i would be (hopefully) like this:

- a hardass chick wearing a cool leather jacket or military jacket with those vintage rocker jeans (yang terkoyak-koyak tu, i forget the name) and combat boots. i was thinking of wearing chucks but tak hardcore la liddat.

- i'd be loud, annoying, funny, and scared of the whole situation but trying not to show it. i'd probably yell, "boom, headshot!" when i kill a zombie, like those rednecks or military types they always portray in movies. (i always yell this when i'm playing counterstrike or unreal tournament, wouldn't be that far off from the real me huh) wouldn't it be interesting if if were a girl instead of a dude?

- ooh i know, i wanna be like that michelle rodriguez character from swat. she's AWESOME.

- i'd wanna have an important part in the whole team dynamics, like i'm probably the watcher who sits on the highest point near base camp and looks out for any signs of zombies and intruders while others are safe, or i'd wanna be the sniper because after i watched saving private ryan when i was a kid i wanted to be a sniper. lolz i don't fit the height requirement though.

nevermind. one day i'll be white, sooty and a killer like yooh.

in all honesty though, i don't think i could ever kill a person..even an undead person...unless it's edward.

nothing against ya man, but come on. sparkle? seriously? ew.

i hope to god that stephanie meyer does not like zombies, because she'd probably make them glow in the dark or something stupid like that. i mean, vampires that sparkle? aisehman, thanks for ruining the whole vampire cool factor. now i can't find vampires in the horror genre anymore when i go to the bookstore because guess what? they're in the comedy section now along with elf queens and flubbers and dolphins that can talk.

yech.

i wants me some beauty.

for the past few months, i've been reading beauty blogs from all over the world religiously, looking at youtube makeup tutorials and browsing through blogshops in hopes of snagging me some good makeup deals.

so clearly i have become a makeup addict.

but don't get me wrong, i don't slap on these things like i'm crazy or something, i'm not that insecure...i hope. lol. i mean, only celebrities wear a ton of makeup everyday and can get away with it.

aaanyways, i read one beauty blog about getting your face ready for work in the morning. some people take an hour or so, some take a mere 15 minutes. me...hmm. i dunno. i haven't actually taken note of the time when i do my face or whatever every morning, but i have actually established a routine to ensure that my face is glowy and clean and awesome-looking. haha.

it goes like this...

(this is my attempt to become a makeup guru? lolz)

OH NO THEY DIDN'T!

casey abrams is out of american idol? no way!

no way!

wtf. the people who didn't vote for him are, quite frankly, not right in the head. he's super talented, and he's got a great voice, and he's...awesome.  no...*depressed*

hampeh.

okay, i've been very naught...er, crazy today. (somehow i can never say naughty unless it's directed towards a kid or my cat. it just feels like...kinky. ahahaha...like, my kinky senses are tingling!)

i bought two things online. errrr. yes, my crazy shopping obsession has not weakened. i bought a black faux leather jacket, you know, because i've always wanted to be cool and cool people wear leather jackets. ahahahaaa..

another item i bought was this gorgeous skirt from an old flame.

photo from anoldflame.net

yep, i bought a frickin'skirt. well, to be honest it's just so pretty, and i'm kind of in that phase in my life where i wanna wear anything and do everything and just...live life. you know? screw being insecure and stuff. i know i'm still gonna be insecure, but..meh, i dunno. like my annoying 2nd boss always says, "buat apa mau takut?" ahahaaaa...

so yes, i bought this skirt on a whim. unfortunately, i'm an arse, so i forgot to save my transaction details to email to the blogshop. silly anis, very silly. (too excited kot at the moment) so i had to email the blogshop with my account number and nothing else as reference, hope everything turns out ok. :(

isn't the skirt awesome though? such a pretty pastel pink. it's obviously going to be a full length skirt for me, so it's all good. i'm so happeh. *grin*

i'm so excited!

ohh and i just found a blogshop selling shawls...

okay first thing tomorrow morning, i'm gonna go transfer half of my cash into my asb account so i don't spend all my frickin' cash. :\

gah.

and i was like, baby, baby, baby ohhhh.

okay please don't spam my email for putting those lyrics up hah.

i just had to do it. i had to. i'm actually watching the videoclip and hearing the song in full for the first time ever, because before this i've either heard it on the radio waktu time chorus (which i largely fault for fueling my road rage) or the glee version, which cracked me up like a mofo. sorry, sam evans, you're pretty and all, but not pretty enough to make me like the beebzter.

okay i admit, the song ain't half bad. it's not worthy of the half a billion views it's getting on youtube but it's alright for a kid. better than rebecca black's friday, i'll give you that. but meh, what's the deal with his hair anyways? it's like a fluffier, better maintained version of rambut suku penan pushed to the side. hmm, or maybe the fact that he's like, 10 years old doesn't appeal to my senses. ah well.

randomly, i read an article today about why guys nowadays get married late. basically there's a lot of shiz going on in  a guy's life that he has to save up for, i.e a car, a house, marriage and so on. now, according to the article, it's supposedly the mark of a true gentleman when your boyfriend (if you have one) pays for all your meals, buys you all sorts of wonderful things all the time and whatnot. this isn't the first time i've heard of this before, there was this one time when i hung out with my brother and male cousin, and they say the same thing.

the guy always pays for the girl.

dude, dude. i am all for a guy being a gentleman and all that. trust me, girls love guys who are all gentle, and manly and gentlemanly. but paying for your girl's meals and buying her stuff that she wants to buy because you are a gentleman? dude that's bull.

i mean, really? this ain't the 50s or something. women have real jobs nowadays. some earn more than men. women nowadays are sophisticated, have really high tastes and expect nothing but the best. (that being said, i am not a woman, at least not where the sophisticated part comes in) so why the heck should a guy treat a woman like she can't fend for herself? what, a guy's just supposed to live off of maggi and air kosong just so he can buy his girlfriend a pair of earrings or something equally ridiculous and girly?

i'm a girl. i do understand a woman's desire to feel pampered by the man she loves. but in all honesty, if i were in love with this dude i would rather eat with him at the mamak stall every day than to have him suffer so much just to give me some sort of short-lived satisfaction. if i have wants, i can get them my bloody self la. no need for a guy to pay for my meal, we'll just split it. bukannya my 'boyfriend' kenyang kalau aku yang telan benda tuh. 

don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to condemn (although i do sound like it huh? hmm. sorry about that) but if you love him, let him live. he's worked hard for all that cash. he probably wants to give it to his parents too, or his kid sister, or maybe he has an annoying pet cat who loves to eat expensive treats in tins (ahem), so let him have it once in a while at least. let him splurge on a bb gun, or buy an ipad, or go to an island vacation with his buddies or something. he deserves it, and we girls deserve some faith that we can fend for ourselves without help, thank you very much. (i used to think otherwise, but then life happened and now i'm starting to believe in myself a bit more)

and for guys who have loving girlfriends, congrats. don't get too obsessed about it though. a woman can be the downfall of many a good men, if that sentence even makes sense. love her the right way, hmm? (clue: her way might not always be the right way either) i'm a bit of a shopaholic myself, and trust me when i say materialistic happiness only lasts as far as the next sale. (this is kind of sad. but meh, i love shopping. at least i pay for my own shit)

end of crazy rant.

p/s: i can literally see the moon from my bedrrom window, and it's hanging really low in the sky tonight. it's huge, and red, and morbidly beautiful. alhamdulillah. :)

lupe fiasco sounds like a crappy name anyways.

warning: may contain some depressing statements and razorblades and emo songs and envy.

most of my officemates aren't in the office today, hence the sudden random impulse to post. not that i'm lazy to do my job...okay so i am too lazy to do my job. i feel like going back home, climbing into my messy bed and going under the covers and hug my pillow and just sleep. maybe listen to some random soundtrack of the rainforest or whatnot to get the mood going. ohh yeah.

*cue wink and saucy nod*

uhh. okay, random.

i know a lot of gorgeous people. okay saying that sounds a bit weird, but i think it's true. i know gorgeous people. a lot of my friends, be it male or female, are neat, well-dressed, pleasant looking chaps with attitudes that could make barney cry, they're so nice and all.

how come some people are so pretty on the inside and the outside? what gives? :(

why can't i be like that? i've got attitude problems, i'm annoying and loud and annoyingly loud, and i have a tendency to fret. i'm a nervous wreck. i'm terribly self-conscious and i tend to over-analyse things, even though i try very hard not to. i think i also have a tendency to show off, like pretend i'm cool or something...but i swear i don't try to do it, it just happens!

....and that just came out wrong.

and oh my god, i am such a perv. how can someone so short be such a weirdo? (and yes, i am short. i'm like 145 or something, i lost track after realising that my 12 year old cousins are taller than me, gah.) and can you see the way i just make fun of myself? oh man.

i'm also a very emotional person..heh. i have cat hairs on my clothes everytime i step out of the house. yeah, i'm that kind of person. i eat a lot of junk food, and i hate cockroaches, even though they are actually super-cool, because what other animal can live for like a whole week without it's fucking head? hardcore, man.

however, i think all of my friends are such beautiful people because they're confident in themselves. they know who they are, accept their weaknesses and use those to their advantage (acewah macam jawapan interview) and they probably (just guessing here) love who they are.

so i'm gonna do that. i'm gonna fix myself and not get so screwed up in the head, turn over a new leaf and not think about sleeping so much, be a bit more rajin than usual (i'm just setting realistic goals here ok) and love myself, just the way i am. because bruno mars told me that i'm amazing just the way i am and bruno mars never lies. (why? is he like the pope or something? does the pope lie? hmm..)

okay. so okay then. it is with great shame and utter honesty that i must declare myself to be...

totally awesome.

and i totally rainbow-ed that shit. ahahahha...okay so maybe i am messed up in the head, but come on man, i can't be emo all the time. gotta learn to do some self-loving, okay.

and finally, because this post is random and totally weird and doesn't make sense whatsoever (i was bored, okay?), i just thought i'd liven it up a bit with this:

this is hilarious. 

trip to the dentist aka hell.

gah. it's been a while since i've posted, and while i don't think anyone reads the crap i write in here, i do love writing and posting up random thoughts in here. i like blogging because it's liberating, you know? there's something about storing your memories away in a journal, or blog, or just a plain diary that releases stress in a whole different way than say, talking to a friend.

aaaaaanyways, rambling off. it's been a tiring week i think. lots of work to do and the bosses hovering behind our backs. i do not think that i will ever enjoy being a quantity surveyor, because ít's bland and repetitive and it's not very creative, but hopefully i can get used to it one day and just learn to appreciate what god's given me.

one huge thing that has happened to me is that i went to the dentist last week, due to an aching tooth which made my teeth throb like mad. turns out, going to the dentist was the worst. decision. ever. i had to endure 2 bloody hours of pain, because i could still feel pain even when the dentist injected me with anesthetics twice. my tooth had to be extracted but it was difficult because the tooth actually broke into two parts so it was actually like pulling 2 teeth out.

it was so painful i came back home and immediately had a fever, i'm so ashamed lol. i also have 2 ulcers which bled like crazy this whole week and was throbbing like a mofo so i tried gargling with water with salt in it but that didn't work, so i put salt directly onto the ulcers but that only succeeded in making me cry and punch the wall and the pain still didn't go away. (i also felt pain while i was on the painkillers that the dentist gave me, what's up with that?) so finally i bought some gel thingy for the ulcers which helped for like half an hour before it started to hurt again and so i took the final step and gargled with listerine too. 

oh my god. gargling with listerine when you have ulcers that bleed is extremely painful. i admit, i also cried like a mofo. but at least it numbed the damned things. good for me. (randomly, the whole surgery cost me like nearly 300 hundred bucks. yes and it was a surgery. my gums were cut, apparently. no wonder la sakiiiiiiiitttt. i just found out today when i went for my check-up. even pain isn't for free nowadays, sheesh.)

however, i'm just glad i didn't end up like david did after he went to the dentist.

hahaha this is hilarious. i wanna have a kid like this one day, lolz.

a post for my grandmother.

my grandmother, the only living grandparent i've ever had, passed away this morning at 4.00 am.

she was admitted to the hospital earlier this week, doctors first were confused and didn't know if she had an infection or a stroke. turns out she had a stroke which affected her brains, and had been in a coma the whole time she was at the hospital.

so it's good that she's finally able to pass on to the other side, because we certainly did not want her to suffer.

i do regret not being able to go back to kelantan to see her for the last time though. i wasn't that close to my grandmother, i never really knew what to say to her. but it doesn't mean that i am not affected by her passing.

i think i'm realising that life is too short and fleeting for us not to just be happy and grateful and appreciate all the seconds we have. i want to appreciate my mondays to sundays, i want to appreciate the hot sun and the wind and my friends and family. life is too unpredictable, we don't know when it'll just one day...end.

i want to feel closer to my Creator. i want redemption. i want my soul to be clean. i don't want to hate, or envy, or keep wishing for things that i do not have. i want to be the kind of person i would never ever regret being when i'm on my deathbed and gasping for my last breath.

i don't know. this is all heavy stuff.

harap tok wan ditempatkan dalam golongan orang-orang beriman dan beramal soleh. amin. 

gimme gimme fashion!

fashion trends i have always wanted to try but have never had the (figurative) balls to:

1. the maxi dress

not tall enough to pull this off, methinks. but meh, my mom bought me a midi dress (which would definitely be a maxi on me haha) so we'll see how that goes.

(i'm sorry i don't know where the heck i took the picture from, crapola)

2. oxford booties

(picture from thegloss.com)

these are hot, aren't they? they look like a cross between serious and awesome fun.

but wtf oxford booties are always sooooo...high-heeled.

(i'm sure i need the extra height but adoi, where can i walk to with heels that tall?)

3. trench coat

(taken from bayareabags.com)

oh hello emma, you're so purty. trench coats make you look mysterious, suave and rich. (it must be the extra length) unfortunately, it can also make you look like a flasher.

4. leather jacket

(taken from californiastyleonline.com)

hayden rocks. and leather jackets are hot.

...no seriously they are hot. they'll make your skin burnnnnn, baby. boo.

okay there's more.

but meh...too sleepy. lol.

night!

beauty haul rant. ohhh yeah.

hullo there.

been meaning to update for a while but couldn't find the strength (read: willpower) to actually go through with it haha. but, eva young once said "to think too long about doing a thing actually becomes its undoing".

...granted, i don't know who the heck eva young is, and i saw the quote while i was at kayu nasi kandar buying my breakfast, but it's still a good quote. ha.

so..about 2 months ago i indulged myself (like always) and ordered some stuff through a shopping spree. well, 2 sprees actually. but they were in december and january, so dah lama dah. :p

to read about my adventures in online shopping, click on.

hey baby, i think i wanna marry you.

tomorrow's going to be an exciting day.

i hope so, anyways.

i'm going to the hot air balloon show/festival (?) thingy going on in putrajaya tomorrow with my good friends from my university. hopefully i will find the strength and determination to upload pictures if i have any tomorrow haha.

today though, was a horrible, horrible day at work.

got loads of work to do in a really tight deadline with an impossible boss who keeps changing his mind about the state of things, and with everyone asking me to do this, and that, and that, and i was so frustrated and exhausted that i felt like stabbing everybody with a pen and just run out of there and never ever ever come back.

...sigh. but this is life. guess i'll have to bear it as long as i can.

let's move on to happier things...like, shopping. hee.

i'm thinking of buying this tomorrow:

mac mineralize skinfinish from the wonder woman collection

ain't it awesome? truth is, the packaging is so-so for me, but i do like bright l.o.u.d things so i guess that's a plus haha. this is a limited edition msf (that's mineralize skinfinish la) which includes a highlighter, face powder and sort of like a bronzer if you're really fair i guess. it's a highly raved product from mac so i'm betting that the quality will be awesome.

best thing? compared to the normal msf's from mac, this limited edition msf is huge! it's probably (from what i've read) double the size of the normal msf...which is like the size of a regular compact powder i guess. (it's 10g, while the wonder woman one is 20g. it really is double the size, wow)

meh...i dunno. i think i'm not that obsessed with this product, but it is a great deal and i do love great deals. they make me perky and hyper and smiley. :) plus it'll last a lifetime! if i don't buy this tomorrow i'll prolly go and buy something else, because earlier today when i was crazy busy and tired i thought to myself "i am so buying something to cheer me up tomorrow".

because yeah, i am the kind of person who turns to material things to cheer me up. cos i'm not that much of a foodie, and i'm not rajin enough at the moment to read my mom won't let me shop for clothes and shoes and bags and all that cos she buys them for me already. i'm definitely not the kind of girl who can find inner peace by herself, or be satisfied with unwinding at home or something to that effect. too twitchy for that sort of thing, though i love people who are like that and wish i was like that in some ways.

so...yeah.

shopping = fun. but no cash = no fun. so hey, think about it anis yeah.

ta.

i can rant like nobody's business.

i am occasionally, occasionally a hopelessly romantic sap sometimes, when i'm in the mood. it's usually after i see something cute or romantic or aww-worthy on tv.

so when i saw the video clip for train's marry me, i can't help but uhm, melt just a bit. i mean how cute is that? it's probably what 90% of girls dream of, to have a connection with someone from across the room. and patrick monahan is good looking, in a zen, older guy, clean hippie kind of way.

i love guys with great smiles. who doesn't? i mean, i've never heard of a girl swooning over a guy with a horrible smile, ha. ooh i know. some girls are really into guys who look all broody and serious right? naaaaaww..not cool man.
/end rant

okay this is embarassing. i swear if anyone repeats this to my face i will sock you.

:'l a girl can dream, right?

here, see for yourself.

and randomly, i miss watching old disney movies. the new ones are cool, well some of them are, but the old ones like the lion king and little mermaid and sleeping beauty are just on a level of their own. how come they can't make movies like that anymore?

and oh my god. the soundtracks to these movies are just plain. awesome. little mermaid's under the sea? and go the distance by michael bolton? hakuna matata? argh. i think i could turn 85 one day (hopefully) and still love these disney classics.

my random crush of the day (since all the guys i see right now are either balding or foreigners or balding foreigners. and not the hot kind of foreigners either. sigh):

hello gorgeous. i love your smile.

look at him. i mean, a smile like that could cause an arrythmia for cryin'out loud. i bet he's a really nice guy who helps old people carry their groceries, loves hanging out with his friends, cares about nature, is shy and a bit nerdy but totally cool and lovable. okay that may be too much info to get out of a smile, but meh, he looks adorable. so...baik. :) 

i know i know, i am boy crazy.

wayfarers are teh bombzzz.

i have this fascination with wayfarers.

i've liked them before, but i didn't think much of them. i'm not a very sunglassy person, i don't even wear the cool bug-eyes shades my mom gave me. and those shades weren't cheap. (sorry ma)

i started to really like them when i went on a family vacation to tioman. we were on the way back on the ferry, and there was this group of tourists from the netherlands or denmark or somewhere cold, and they seemed to be having a great time. a few of them were wearing wayfarers.

when i saw the guy, i was like, "damn man, cool shades." and they are cool shades. they're freaking awesome. what made that guy's wayfarers even more awesome was the fact that they were neon blue. i mean, c'mon. anything that sits on your face that's neon blue should be worshipped. aaaaaahhhh...

plus, the guy looked exactly like gabe saporta from cobra starship. damn you man, for making wayfarers look so bloody cool.

i'm so cool i can sleep on leighton meester's arm. no biggie.

everyone who's anyone wears wayfarers. pharell williams, emma watson, jessica alba, elvis...eh. even frickin' joe jonas wears them, and he ain't even cool.

heck, even my sister wears it, and she's like what...12?

pictured: my sister.



gah it's a pity i don't wear ém very well. i tried them on at midvalley the other day, and i looked horrible wearing it, i felt kind of retarded. ah, it was so disappointing, because they were on sale some more. :\

i guess i'm just not cool enough. :(

who am i kidding? i'm awesome. :p 

random wally post.

okay, i have issues with my cat wally.

right now, he's sitting on the bed with me, actually leaning, (leaning!) on my pillow and acting like this bed is his. dammit wally i just changed the sheets, you fiend.

okay he just totally just closed his eyes and fell asleep leaning on my pillow.

grr. this means a pillow war, crazyface. (this is what i call him when he's being crazy and jumping all over the place. and i swear he annoys me on purpose)

is it weird that i talk to my cat all the freakin' time? and it's not really one of those "who a cute putty tat? who is it?" or any of those coo-ing things petowners say to their pets all the time, because i frankly think that wally would slap me if he could if i were ever to say stuff like that to him.

(i do a bit of coo-ing sometimes too though, but i call him macho and good-looking. seriously. he doesn't deserve to be ridiculed, even if he doesn't understand it)

this how i usually talk to him when i get back from work:

*opens the door and looks for him. he's usually in front of the door anyways*
   me:   wallster! i'm home!
wally:   meowwww..(he's got this weird vibrating voice. it's hilarious)
   me:   hey man, how's it going? i missed you. (gooey voice unavoidable)
wally:   meeooow... (not very original huh)
   me:   what'd you do today man? sleep all day?
wally:   *rolls on the floor in front of me as i pet and scratch him*
   me:   you slept on my bed didn't you crazyface?
wally:   *glares and bites my hand*

yep. i bully him all the time haha. and he does give a really good glare, you should see it sometime. i think he's been secretly watching my harry potter movies and trying to channel severus snape.

but yeah it isn't that weird right? i talk to him like i'd talk to a human being. maybe i need more friends and maybe i'm nuts but meh, who cares? wally's awesome and i like talking to random inanimate objects anyways. i talk to my stuffed toy, remember?

sigh. one thing i hate about holidays is the fact that it always feels like a weekend, but then tomorrow you have to work. yech.

life's too short to be serious.

"funny, when you're dead how people start listening"

good news folks. i finally got my salary for january yesterday!

well, actually, don't know if the boss was trying to appease our souls or if he was scared that he'd spend the money again, but he gave the whole office our salary for january, february, as well as our claim! ha, good thinking lad. i'd have killed you otherwise.

upon receiving my riches, i've decided to go shopping. yep, i ain't holding back. (well actually i held back quite a bit cause i made a few lists outlining my expenditures for this month and the next so i'd not spend too much.) and i have gone all out this time hahaha. (muke puas ati)

but thing is, i only buy like, skincare and makeup. it's my current phase, so i'm riding it out as best as i can. last year's most memorable phases were accessories (mainly rings and necklaces) and jeans. well, grey jeans to be exact. i was so fixated on finding good quality, awesome looking grey jeans for cheap (haha), and now i have like 4 pairs kot? errr, haha.

i found this really interesting site which i am in love with, due to all the ridiculously cool random facts and infos that they have in there. srsly, i love myself some random infos. this one list i just read is just fantastic, and a bit creepy too: Top 15 Bizarre True Stories. (i like 2, 4 and 9)

ah, i love the weekends. so lazy. :P

ta!

angry, very angry rant.

i don't have the energy.

it's february now, and I still haven't received my salary for january. i'm way broke, i'm de-motivated, i'm resentful towards the boss and all his insanity. i've never heard of a company that doesn't plan well enough into the future to actually save some money for a rainy day.

and boss, it's a frickin' hailstorm right now.

my parents keep telling me to find another job. i want to, but i'm too tired, too...befuddled to think right now. i don't have enough strength to wake up in the mornings already, let alone search for job vacancies and apply and go through mindless interviews and filling out forms for something i'm not sure i'll get yet.

as you can tell, i'm feeling a bit negative and hateful right now.

i have this painful ache in my mouth where the fillings for one of my tooth came out and left a gaping hole. it hurts when i eat. my gums bleed when i eat something that's too hard and chewy. it's fucking distracting. but i can't go to the dentist because i have no money to eat let alone spend it on a tooth.

my car's alignment is nuts again, because the roads in damansara are not well-maintained. there are frickin' holes everywhere and my reflexes aren't that fast to avoid them. my steering wheel's vibrating like mad. but i can't repair it because i'm afraid i'll run out of money to eat and more importantly, i might run out of cash for petrol.

i can't pay the bills. i can't pay my parking space. i can't buy groceries.

i've worked really hard for that money. that's the most maddening part. i do my job and i do come early now and leave late so that i can get paid. i'm not a volunteer. i work so i can avoid this situation.

heck, if i wanted to not be paid i would've stayed at home, would i?

but no. the top management can't pay us because the boss doesn't have money. not a single cent. nak bayar gaji to the 2 chinese girls in my office so that they can celebrate chinese new year in peace pun cannot. last-last kena pinjam dari contractor. how embarrassing and humiliating is that?

one of my officemates is pregnant and is due within this month. how's she gonna pay for all the visits to the doctor? and what happens when she actually does give birth? bukan mampu nak bayar kalau harapkan laki sorang je. and yet the boss comes to the office late, doesn't even make the effort to get the payment from the client and issues cheques that bounce. last-last bank account baru bukak dah kena suspend. tak larat nak cakap, boss gi la follow up dengan kpm tu, degil, nak suruh secretary dia jugak wat keje dia. pastu ko wat ape?

srsly, how can you not be angry and pissed off if you were in my (or my officemates') situation? bengang kan? aku tak nak la cari gaduh, buat bising pasal benda ni, tapi penat kot. penat pikir mane nak cari duit untuk makan. brape banyak dosa dah aku dapat sebab kutuk care ko handle situation ni.

argh i am so pissed off. sabar sabar, nasib baik la Allah ajar suruh sabar. fuhhhhh.

memang sah la kena carik keje lain ni. arrrgh malasnye. but better than waiting like an ass kan? it's bound to happen again.

kek batik catastrophe and other short stories.

hello world, today i made kek batik!

(oh aren't you proud of yourself.)

okay, the thing is, i've been wanting to eat kek batik, or probably known as a marie fudge cake (totally googled that beetch) for the longest time but nobody seemed to sell it, probably because it's so frickin' easy to make.

well, easy for most people to make anyways. (you know something went wrong when someone says something like that haha)

so i googled the recipe, took thte first one i could find and proceeded to try and re-create the thing as if i have cooked/baked my whole life. it is actually quite easy, i do feel quite accomplished.

but...the cake didn't really turn out so well.

:\

while the recipe i chose from the internet was simple and do-able, it had no pictures and it was really very straight forward and...well, simple. the recipe failed to tell me that i needed to stir the chocolate mixture until it becomes really thick and goopy. it just said that after i've tossed in my eggs, stir for 30 seconds on low heat then close the stove and mix in the biscuits.

so i did what i was told to do, and now my cake is kinda gooey and runny, and not very batik looking. that was one disappointment. but heck, i did taste it after only 30 minutes in the fridge, i'm supposed to leave it in the fridge for 1-2 hours but heck i'm badass like that yeah. (lol)

another disappointment is the fact that the cake tastes too chocolatey. i was supposed to mix in a cup of milo and half a cup of cocoa powder but upon opening the tin of milo i found out that it had hardened into this solid black mass at the bottom of the tin which rendered it unusable.

so i had to make do with the cocoa powder. it's not too bitter, but it kinda tastes like chocolate cake. and i don't want it to taste like chocolate cake, since i'm not a huge fan of chocolate cake. but it tastes okay.

heck, even if i do say so myself it turned out pretty okay for a first attempt. the colour looks similar (yay), the biscuits i used weren't the original biskut marie but it tasted the same (but it's a bit more...uh, softer? less crispy? wtf?) and even though it looks like a pile of gooey biscuits in a container it's edible. it's edible, and that's what matters.   

it won't win any prizes for being the prettiest though that's for sure.

ahhh well. practise makes perfect. i bet leonardo da vince didn't get mona lisa's smile right the first few times anyways. (irrelevant woman)

:P

btw, i love holidays. freedommmm!