Saturday, April 2, 2011

a post for my grandmother.

my grandmother, the only living grandparent i've ever had, passed away this morning at 4.00 am.

she was admitted to the hospital earlier this week, doctors first were confused and didn't know if she had an infection or a stroke. turns out she had a stroke which affected her brains, and had been in a coma the whole time she was at the hospital.

so it's good that she's finally able to pass on to the other side, because we certainly did not want her to suffer.

i do regret not being able to go back to kelantan to see her for the last time though. i wasn't that close to my grandmother, i never really knew what to say to her. but it doesn't mean that i am not affected by her passing.

i think i'm realising that life is too short and fleeting for us not to just be happy and grateful and appreciate all the seconds we have. i want to appreciate my mondays to sundays, i want to appreciate the hot sun and the wind and my friends and family. life is too unpredictable, we don't know when it'll just one day...end.

i want to feel closer to my Creator. i want redemption. i want my soul to be clean. i don't want to hate, or envy, or keep wishing for things that i do not have. i want to be the kind of person i would never ever regret being when i'm on my deathbed and gasping for my last breath.

i don't know. this is all heavy stuff.

harap tok wan ditempatkan dalam golongan orang-orang beriman dan beramal soleh. amin. 

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