the depressing reality of being a shopaholic.

OKAY. I'M DEAD. DED. 

it all happened when i decided on a whim to check my bank account, foolishly thinking that i still had quite a bit of money left from when i got my scholarship and my pay for my report stuff (which i still haven't finished by the way. fuckkkkkk).

how wrong was i. who's the fool now, huh?

a huge proportion of rm5000 (that's how much both the scholarship and pay were) has gone missing. gone! nil! zilch! and it's only been ONE AND A HALF MONTHS! fuck me, i'm a shopaholic. 

oh, i have no illusions as to all the money went. i'm looking at you, mango jackets (still love you both though, mwah), and you, sephora haul (though in my defense, i did need a better moisturiser for my itchy ass eczema skin, but i plead the fifth in regards to the makeup stuff haha). i also bought lots of rings, cos they're beautiful and i wear them every frickin' day for realz, and oh, an ikea spree. whee! and more makeup from random sellers online (now i know that beauty is expensive...and i'm still not beautiful anyways! gahd!) oh and my pretty leopard heels from dorothy perkins. and i've been eating loads of extravagant stuff lately, patutla debab sangat. aaaand i did buy some technology stuff (phone casing lolz and speakers and new cables for my headphones) and the only worthwhile things i remember paying for are my registration fees for micra and my mom's driver's license, in which she paid in half already! gah! 

why? why must i be so stupid and materialistic? why can't i live a simple, fuss free life and save my money for better things? i wanted to save half of my money and put them into savings, what the eff happened to that? 

oh. i feel ill. this displeases me greatly. when i calculated the whole thing, i estimate that i overspent around 2000 bucks. on THINGS. and apparently i can't even remember some of them. i used to only spend my money on BOOKS and CDS and GAMES. arrrrgh. 

ok. never mind. there's still money left. the point to this rant is not to say that i'm broke as in tak ada duit langsung, mind you, but to lament the loss of such a huge amount (to me) of money, which was spent on little things that seemed fanciful to me at the time. true story, everytime i am contemplating buying something nowadays, i just go "LOL YOLO" and get it anyways. like, 80% of the time. i kid you not. and this is the accompanying image in my head because i am effed up lol:

so...yeah. true story of a greek tragedy. now all i can do is calm the fuck down and stop shopping...actually, sometimes i shop for the sake of shopping, not for the thing itself. because what the heck else am i supposed to do when i'm bored of staying at home and want to go out but am alone? 

gah. how depressing. i'm gonna go make myself an expensive cup of tea now. ta.

the stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes.

"no i'm not alright,

i know that i'm not right,

feels like i travel but i never arrive,

i wanna thrive, not just survive"

okay. so today was fun. i was supposed to go meet my supervisor this morning for a quick update sesh for my work, but at the last minute he couldn't make it and so rescheduled. so, situation: it's 10 am, the day's beautiful, and i'm wide awake and alive. what do i do?

i go to ikea, of course. 

you know, there are loads of treasures in ikea. it's like a tiny little world of its own, they have everything you'd ever want and need in there. well, almost everything. i went there alone, as per usual, but ended up meeting my aunts there, who just arrived from penang yesterday. weird coincidence huh? cool!

anyways, i bought a lamp. well, a night light. well, a night shade lamp thingy. i have no clue what to call it stop judging me with your eyes. this ended up being one my best ideas ever because now, as i am at home, i find that the electrical wiring in my house is still effed up, so i can't open the fan and lights but i can use electrical appliances. success. 

after the fiasco of last night (and thank god my supervisor decided to reschedule!) i am now comfortably sitting on my bed with my laptop on a small desk (well...it's a food tray, but fuck you for wanting to put a label on everything) ready to do my work because there's the comforting light of my new night-lamp-shade-thing. 

OH! and...important information. the light i bought is in the shape of a globe. it's round, happy and blubbery (don't judge) and i took like an hour deciding which lamp to buy. in the end i settled for the globe because it reminded me of something awesome that i couldn't really recall and it looked like one of those sightseers orbs or something, and because globes are the new triangles. heck yeah.

but when i got home and i opened my laptop, i realized what the lampy globe looked like! lo and behold, my freckled friends:

my lamp globe thingy.

zoom out!

my room...wait what's that? (p/s: my room is awesome hey? haha)

my current wallpaper is this

the ood man. the friggin' ood. they hold orb thingies in their hands. i was like

because i didn't even realize my obsessions ran so deep. so deep that it's in my subconscious. it's true though, the last few days i've been having alien-ish dreams, which were awesome, because i love dreams. they're like watching movies, except you haven't watched the trailer yet so you know nothing about the story plot and it's fun and exciting and totally cool. 

anyways, one of the best dreams was this mesh between a video game and doctor who, where i was with these other contestants in a game, and we were let loose in a huge abandoned house with mazes all around. we were split into 2 groups, and we had to not only navigate our way around the mazes in the house and try not to fall into traps and shit, we also had to find weapons and eliminate the opposing team. 

yeah, my dreams are gruesome sometimes. *shrug* 

so i don't remember specifics, but there was a part where i think i had to move from upstairs to the ground floor using these steel scaffolding pipes laid all around this narrow vertical passageway. the best image i could find that explains this is this pic here

then when i got down there i came upon a room, then we had to run away from some sort of sonic pulse and when i was running there was a chair in the middle of this room and boom! the doctor was sitting there. except the doctor was a mixture of the 9th and 10th doctor (shows how much i adore the both of them really, even my subconscious couldn't decide) and he told me to RUN but i couldn't and maybe i didn't want to, because i could never abandon the doctor. so i gave him a hug and i looked into his face and decided that i'd die with the doctor. and then i wake up. 

deep huh. i somehow always find deeper meaning to small random things. i'm overemotional like that. i've got so much feels in me. woot woot!

i am not strong enough to endure this.

i'm currently attempting to finish a report solely by the use of candle light, because the electricity in my house is a huge dick and a selfish bastard. *shakes fist* add to the fact that the candles smell are vanilla-scented and are actually quite fucking calming, and it's slowly lulling me into a false sense of security that everything's gonna be alright and no, my supervisor won't mind that upon meeting him tomorrow morning i am forced to admit that i haven't done much work the past few weeks because i have been busy watching an alien with a british accent and his merry companions travel the universe in a bright blue police box solving mysteries and having a blast.

i now regret EVERYTHING. 

and i have a feeling that my final report will be full of romance and suspense. either that, or it's edgar allen poe's the raven.  

and why the fuck am i suddenly hungry? awh hell no, and i've finished my delicious hobnobs. this is a disaster. i am never gonna survive this. my eyes are feeling heavier, like someone's pulling them down. i feel like there's sand in my eyes and i need to close my eyes and...breathe and...focus a...

dammit. dead.

hobnobs and hairology.

behold, my new blog look! it's a beachy theme, quite relaxed i must say. even the music is all mellow and chilled out..for me anyways. i mean, any mellower than that and i'd be asleep. 

i bought hobnobs yesterday. milk chocolate coated hobnobs to be precise. to those who are wondering what the bloody blazes hobnobs are, they're a range of oat biscuits from mcvities that...well i don't know how they're different from the original mcvities but there are some differences i bet. and these hobnobs, while quite expensive here in malaysia, are friggin' delicious. mmm..milk chocolate and biscuits all rolled into one.

now i'm fancying some tea with these.

i'm still looking for jammie dodgers though. jammie dodgers are quite famous, and heck, we do have the malaysian variations for them, but i still want to try them. why? because the doctor eats them. and because in fanfics sherlock and watson seem to LOVE jammie dodgers. ergo, i would love jammie dodgers, because i love the doctor and sherlock and watson. yay for love and biscuits with jam fillings.

and proof that jammie dodgers are cool:

that's not actually a miniature donut. it's a jammie dodger lol.

i've finished watching seasons 1 to 4 of doctor who. in...mmm, a month maybe? yeah, i am that crazy. i'm currently watching season 5, but...truth be told, i don't seem to enjoy it as much as i did with the past seasons. the 11th doctor is played by matt smith, the one holding the jammie dodger up there, and i'm trying to get a feel of his character, but, i dunno, i prefer david or christopher better? (ah, on first name basis are we now?) 

because hello, look at david tennant. look at him.

looooook at hiiiiim! that grin.

i am convinced that this scottish man is my best friend. i don't know why, but i feel like he's the bestest friend a person could hope for. he's funny, loves coldplay and is very laid back and chilled. him and catherine tate (another awesome best friend and my favourite doctor who companion now) should be bestest of friends with me forever! 

now i've read somewhere that being scottish is not the same as being british. and since i included tennant in my british post, i must apologise for my slip. david tennant is still awesome in any nationality though, and his scottish accent is totes mcgoats too.

and i loooooove the tenth doctor's hair. i don't know why, i think it's the best thing ever! it's fluffy and spiky at the same time. and the sideburns, lol. 

spiffiness personified.

speaking of hair, i've been thinking to get my hair cut again, since it's grown rather long for my liking. i actually cut my hair super short the last time i went to the salon, and i really like my hair short to be honest. i feel more confident and cooler in short hair, and since i wear a hijab anyways there's no problem of me being mistaken for a dude, which is a big no-no. i've been goggling pixie cuts, and there are actually a lot of celebs and such sporting short hair nowadays. must be the weather or something. miley cyrus, the beautiful emma watson, agyness deyn, anne hathaway, loads of 'em!

michelle williams pulls off short hair really well. cute!

i love this, messy and punky!

some people are really attached to their hair. i think that hair is just that, hair. nothing to be freaked out about, because it grows back out. maybe it's just cos i wear a hijab so it doesn't bother me as much as other stuff. i don't think i'd ever cry over a haircut though, because when i was younger and didn't wear a hijab, there was this one time where i accidentally cut my hair suuuuper short (hairdresser's mistake, and my tak sampai hati-ness to tegur her lol) and people mistook me for a dude. i was stressed out at first, but then i was like, "butt fuck this. i don't care.", and then it grew out. the end. lolz. but i remember one of my friends telling me that i looked like a hot dude, so...yeah. win-win? :\

random. really. allons-y!

ugh, i need to update my blog theme and header. it's a nasty job, but i love it. but i'm kind of maybe really lazy to do it now on the account of me watching doctor who day and night and day and night and...ok. you get it hey.

hey, maybe i could make a doctor who/sherlock/the walking dead header, all mashed up into one! nice.

i will change this blog into a completely different looking blog..ish. you just see.

the brit appreciation post.

reasons why i am in love with the great britain:

• they shaped my childhood

i grew up with books. when my family came back from scotland my brother and sister accumulated a collection of books from british writers, namely enid blyton and roald dahl. i love their books to this day. i mean, enid blyton's the famous five made me dream of days of cycling around in the british countryside, eating scones and freshly made butter and cheese. i dreamt of adventures with julian, dick, anne and george (because she hates being called georgina) and their dog timothy. solving crimes and getting into trouble and having fun, who doesn't want that? 

from famousfive.net

and roald dahl is a genius! to this day i still smile at recollections of his book the big friendly giant, or the BFG. the illustration for the book was by quentin blake, which i remember to this day. it's this very same one, here:

pic from wikipedia.org

pic from terbsworld.wordpress.com

ohhhh, i remember those ears. and the bfg drank frobscottle which is like a carbonated drink, except the bubbles go downwards instead of up, and they fart! (lol, but they call it whizzpopping). bfg's job is to deliver good dreams to little kids all over the world, and there are 9 evil giants who always bully him, with names like gizzardgulper, childchewer and fleshlumpeater. ah, the good ol' days. 

• they gave me harry potter

harry potter, the greatest book series of all times. i think i spent a huge chunk of my life discussing, watching, reading and quoting harry potter. the books taught me about friendship, love, bravery, and more. the characters are colourful and engaging and funny and ah, i miss harry potter. i was so sad when the series ended. i cried when dobby died. at least he died a free elf.

from re-thinkers.blogspot.com

i can't talk much about harry potter, because everyone knows how awesome and beautiful and significant it is in their lives. EVERYONE. KNOWS. THIS. 

• they gave me more adventures, of the adult kind

no, i'm not being dirty, you fool. i meant sherlock holmes. they gave me sherlock holmes. the books and the series and the movies, although i confess i am head over heels in love with the bbc series the most. even as i was watching the series i had this feeling that sherlock holmes would change my life. (i don't know why i felt this way, but there was this feeling of significance. perhaps it was because i was bawling so much at the end of reichenbach falls) 

it's a brilliant series, and it's led me to the love of my life (at the moment, but shh on that): benedict cumberbatch. the most beautiful and enigmatic man on earth. you don't really want to know how obsessed i am with benny at the moment, but here's a hint. when i see a picture of him smiling, i automatically smile as well. how fucked up is that?

benedict cumberbatch, breaking hearts since 1976. pic from fanpop.com

and now...the latest reason for me to love britain:

• doctor who

really, i should kick myself in the face for falling into the doctor who trap head first. but i had to. I HAS TO. it called to me, the fans, the amount of love people have for the show, all of it beckoned me to just watch a few episodes, that's all. watch a few episodes and then you can delete it from your hard disk and your memory forever.

of course, the first clue that things would go awry was when i downloaded the whole first season of doctor who. and then, even before watching said first season, i went ahead and downloaded the second season as well. yes, a few episodes huh? gah. 

now, a few days later and i've watched both season 1 and 2 and i bawl my eyes out when i watch doomsday, the last episode for season 2. well, it was a little less of bawling than when i watched the ending of third star, but still, tears of pain. down my cheeks. it was raining on my cheeks. 

and to top it all off, i am now also in love with the doctors. i say the doctors because season 1 was the ninth doctor played by christopher eccleston, and season 2 was the tenth doctor played by david tennant. both play the role of the doctor fantastically. i absolutely love eccleston's darker and mysterious doctor, and i am equally charmed (what's with these funky words? lolz) by tennant's happy and quirky adorableness. i also like that tennant played barty crouch jr in harry potter. and randomly, that the writers of sherlock, mark gatiss and steven moffatt are also writers for doctor who. see? they're all connected! 

and the relationship between the doctor and rose?

DIES.

these are the kinds of relationships that i will strive for in the future. sherlock literally jumped off a building to save his best friend john. rose risked her life to save the doctor, so he wouldn't have to go through life alone. i am literally feeling right now. 

doesn't matter if it's the ninth doctor,

pic from weheartit.com

or the tenth.

adorableness from fanpop.com

it's so beautiful. and now i'm downloading the third season of doctor who and i am so sad for the doctor but excited...SASDSDSFFFA THE DOWNLOAD JUST COMPLETED! i can has watch 3rd season noew...oh my god! i am exploding from so much feels.

btw...can i say that eccleston and tennant are also hot as heck? yes they are older but nope, they've still got it! i think eccleston's got this happy, dark humoured, mysterious face, and tennant's got this adorable happy lol-led out face. sho awesome. 

PLUS POINT:

it is with great joy that i discovered captain jack harkness from doctor who. he was in a few of the episodes in season 1, and then a spin-off series was created just for him called torchwood. he's also gorgeous. i am in love with these gorgeous men and i don't know how to feel anymore.

BAMF john and sexy schlock

the rockin' ninth doctor clad with his leather jacket

the awesome nerdiness of the tenth doctor. look at him, squee.


and finally, captain jack harkness. hello good lookin'.

therefore, a salute to you, british people, for making my life a happy one. and there's no tragedy in that.

ok now let me kill myself for semi-quoting such a sad line. ta.