OKAY. I'M DEAD. DED.
it all happened when i decided on a whim to check my bank account, foolishly thinking that i still had quite a bit of money left from when i got my scholarship and my pay for my report stuff (which i still haven't finished by the way. fuckkkkkk).
how wrong was i. who's the fool now, huh?
a huge proportion of rm5000 (that's how much both the scholarship and pay were) has gone missing. gone! nil! zilch! and it's only been ONE AND A HALF MONTHS! fuck me, i'm a shopaholic.
oh, i have no illusions as to all the money went. i'm looking at you, mango jackets (still love you both though, mwah), and you, sephora haul (though in my defense, i did need a better moisturiser for my itchy ass eczema skin, but i plead the fifth in regards to the makeup stuff haha). i also bought lots of rings, cos they're beautiful and i wear them every frickin' day for realz, and oh, an ikea spree. whee! and more makeup from random sellers online (now i know that beauty is expensive...and i'm still not beautiful anyways! gahd!) oh and my pretty leopard heels from dorothy perkins. and i've been eating loads of extravagant stuff lately, patutla debab sangat. aaaand i did buy some technology stuff (phone casing lolz and speakers and new cables for my headphones) and the only worthwhile things i remember paying for are my registration fees for micra and my mom's driver's license, in which she paid in half already! gah!
why? why must i be so stupid and materialistic? why can't i live a simple, fuss free life and save my money for better things? i wanted to save half of my money and put them into savings, what the eff happened to that?
oh. i feel ill. this displeases me greatly. when i calculated the whole thing, i estimate that i overspent around 2000 bucks. on THINGS. and apparently i can't even remember some of them. i used to only spend my money on BOOKS and CDS and GAMES. arrrrgh.
ok. never mind. there's still money left. the point to this rant is not to say that i'm broke as in tak ada duit langsung, mind you, but to lament the loss of such a huge amount (to me) of money, which was spent on little things that seemed fanciful to me at the time. true story, everytime i am contemplating buying something nowadays, i just go "LOL YOLO" and get it anyways. like, 80% of the time. i kid you not. and this is the accompanying image in my head because i am effed up lol:
so...yeah. true story of a greek tragedy. now all i can do is calm the fuck down and stop shopping...actually, sometimes i shop for the sake of shopping, not for the thing itself. because what the heck else am i supposed to do when i'm bored of staying at home and want to go out but am alone?
gah. how depressing. i'm gonna go make myself an expensive cup of tea now. ta.