thinking of you, summer.

i wish there were more summer days.

everything looks bright eyed and bushy tailed during summer. the trees are greener, the grasses grow taller, birds are singing love songs to the sky, and it's all very beautiful. everyone seems a bit more at ease during summer times, like they've finally, finally allowed themselves a vacation from their mundane lives, and that vacation falls during the summer.

i like how people from all over the world come to malaysia. they shop, they sightsee, they see the natural wonders of our land. i see them with huge curious eyes and hands that are always ready to take a picture. lots of pictures, in fact.

i like the clothes we get to wear during the summer. light, airy fabrics in bright colours and flowy fabrics that breathe easy, or white shirts that remind me of clouds and inadvertantly, cotton candy. short shorts for those who can wear them (or those who dare to wear them), and gypsy skirts or bohemian pants that look slouchy and free and so friggin' cool. then we pair these attires with flip flops and we're ready for the beach, even if we're not going to one any time soon. birkenstocks, crocs, ipanemas, they all come out during the summer time.

however, given the fact that malaysia does not have 4 seasons which means that it does not have a summer time, (because hello, it's summer all year long) i think all this current hype about summer happiness is sadly all in my head. in fact, malaysians wear flip flops around 90% of the time, and shorts aren't as sexy as i thought they were, because everyone's wearing them all the time now. light fabrics also turn out to be a bit of a nutter, because i'm tired of seeing everyone's bra through their sheer tops and t-shirts.

but i still like to think that it's the summer time now.
even if it's just in my head (and in other countries that are lucky enough to have 4 seasons).
there's a feeling to it.

perhaps it's called freedom. yeah, summer does remind me of freedom, with it's casual, easygoing nature.
summer also reminds me of happiness, and hot air baloons and vacations with the family and time well spent.
and relaxing music, or the steady thump of the bass in a beach dance song.

summer's nice. i think i like the summer time.
:)

love and turtles and all that jazz.

first and foremost i must say, i love you tom!

ha bloody ha.

i just spend the last 4 days in tioman island. okay pulau tioman, bunyi sedap sikit. it was bloody awesome. the weather was a bit uncooperative because it rained half of the time but at least we weren't warm yeah? tioman is gorgeous, the sea looks wide and promising and so much fun. we rented some life jackets and those snorkelling sets and went to the marine park and boy were there a lot of fish there! i even saw a stingray, but i was kinda scared that it'd kill me so i swam away like a pussy haha. there were also sea urchins around the island, and there was a waterfall and...i don't know. the place had this really great atmosphere, you know? the kind of vibe that made me wanna stay there forever and marry a fish or a boat or..something.

plus there were loads of hot foreigners. LOL.

ah, but now i have to talk about the juara turtle project. i feel like i owe these guys something, because what they do inspire the living hell out of me and i think they're selfless, noble, awesome human beings. the juara turtle project is located in kg. juara, which is in tioman. it's run by a bunch of volunteers from all over the world i think, but the ones i met were katie (i think) and tom. (a-ha!) tom's been staying there and managing the project for about 2 years already (in between trips to his native land, the yoo ass of aye)

so what these guys do is they scout the beaches at night to look for turtles that want to lay their eggs, and then they take the eggs and incubate them in a special area they've made for 2 months to basically protect them from harm, like us human beings, and predators, and all that. then when the turtle eggs hatch they set them free and voila! a good deed is done. the project has a mascot in the form of a blind 4 year old turtle named jo. she, or he, (tom wasn't sure himself) was born blind due to something to do with the moon's natural lighting (i am no expert in explaining difficult stuff like these). i touched jo's flippers, they felt rubbery and cool.

(i sound like an over-excited kid explaining something she doesn't understand all that well, yech)

the turtle project really kind struck me. here these people are, doing all they can for a cause that they love, living with basic amenities and infrastructures. they depend on donations to get by and the guy tom was wearing a t-shirt that had a s on it and was looking a bit worse for the wear, but he looked happy and content. seeing their dedication, i felt that someday, i would definitely come and volunteer there myself, even if only for a day.

for better info on the project, just head on to juaraturtleproject.com

...i hope tom or katie or any of those guys never read this. LOL.

i'll upload pictures later. yeah? ok.

the desecration of belief.

when someone says terrorist, people will automatically think of a devout, bearded man or woman.
a MUSLIM man or woman.

it's everywhere now. muslims are terrorists in movies, in games, in novels.
muslims are evil, overly-devoted, fanatical, extremists.

what the hell is going on?
the people who are involved in these movies, these novels and such,
they don't know the first thing about islam.
these people judge, and think they know everything, and worse than that they fucking influence people to actually believe that muslims are terrorists. islam equals terrorism.

oh hello, total crap.
islam is a beautiful religion. we do not like violence. we do not tolerate racism, hatred, or inequality.
in islam, we're taught that muslim or non-muslim, we should love everyone equally. treat them with respect. listen to their opinions. all this jihad stuff, it's crap. we don't strap our bodies with explosives.
please, whoever thinks these things about us, please stop being stupid.

it's frustrating, you know. the 9/11 incident was this one huge colossal mistake made by supposedly
overly-devout muslims who thought death was the way to solve things.
do you know what other muslims thought of when 9/11 happened?
we were thinking, "oh my god. what kind of monster would kill innocent human beings?"

imagine having your religion desecrated. made fun of. insulted.
imagine having your people physically and mentally abused in non-muslim countries, simply for believing in Him.
please do not make fun of our faith. our belief. our standings. our God. we don't make fun of yours.

guh. now people who read this are gonna think that i'm an extremist.
nope guys. despite being the ridiculous arse that i am, i just want everyone to be treated with respect.

is that so hard to ask for?

i don't need a soul to hold.

teh hijau rase seperti air rumput.
no offense, just saying.

tadi pergi tengok kelip-kelip dekat kuala selangor.
drive around 2 jam to get there (sebab jam je kl ni, ngok betul)
then bayar rm40. quite expensive, tapi my mom cakap ok la tu. penat kot mendayung.
...oh yeah, we had to ride a sampan (or perahu, tak sure la) to get to the darker parts of the river,
but oh man, there were thousands of them!

very cool. very cool.

also, qisha was being very cute.
she now can say loads of stuff now, even wally's name! woo wally! (random)
i just wish i had my camera, because qisha wearing a life vest is crazy funny, har.

nak terkincing la. (sorry.)

wally, kau nampak macho lah.

harro. i am in malaysia now. pj to be exact.

all is good, because the weather is mostly average with rain in the evenings.
ah. i've missed you, rain.

right now wally, my now rugged looking cat is stalking my mom, intent on finding out everything she does. he doesn't remember me anymore because my brother took care of him the whole 2 months i was gone and wally, the traitor that he is, loves him more now.

my phone doesn't work except for receiving calls, because apparently the phone's screen thought it'd be funny if it suddenly went black and annoyed the hell out of me.

i haven't packed my clothes yet, because i have to take care of other stuff first, and my closet is actually (and i'm sort of ashamed to admit this) full to the brim with old clothes. i have to clear those out first before i enjoy the benefits of a beautiful and awesome looking closet. (and it's not like i shop like a lot a lot...ah long story)

ahhhh...malas mau tido.

breaking news.

BALIK MALAYSIA HARI NI!
(perlu la cakap in malay tibe2)

:P
ohemgee ohemgee. i hate long flights. (7 hours gahhhh)

wish me luck!
(it's not like you're piloting the plane. sheesh, idiot.)

they're just scary words.

right now, there are so many things in my head,
but all of them are whizzing by, and i can't grasp anything solid.

i can't think of the same thing more than 5 minutes in a row.
it's frustrating. grrr.

i kind of miss being a kid.
i miss waiting for my parents at my old home in penang,
looking out in the rain and wondering when they'll come back.
(macam ponteng sekolah je time tu, haha)
i miss laughing with my friends at school and on ah chek's bus and listening to cheesy over-rated pop songs.
i miss being scared, and being angsty, and all the other emotions i felt when i was a teenager.
i miss going back home late because i had krs, and then hanging out with the skater dudes in komtar.
i miss being stupid and careless and ignorant,
because now i can't be all those things.
i'm not supposed to be any of those things, because i own my mistakes now.

i'm all grown up now,
22 years old with no future plans.
i don't know who i am. i don't think i want to find out.
i'm too lazy and scared and tired to go on this journey they call life.
it's exhausting, to have to learn new things, and know new people.
it's exhausting to have to add another chapter to your life, and make new mistakes.
is it supposed to be exhausting and scary?
because i'm kind of exhausted and scared. of the unknown. of everything.

toughen yourself up, anis.
sooner or later you're gonna have to face the music.

my good friend once told me this, when i was sad:
"suck it up kiddo, and move on."
only now do i that this is the only way i can survive.
GUH. it sucks.

oh my god you just gave me an aneurysm.

there's a guy on tv who's only wearing his underpants.
he has dreadlocks.
no, not the underpants. the guy. the guy has dreadlocks.
and now let us all wonder why i even bothered giving you that info.

today, i wonder about the beauty and...uh, wonder of beautiful people.
no wait. edit that.
The Beautiful People. (it's like they're so pretty that it's in bolded letters. heh)
how do these people become so pretty? what are their secrets?
how come they don't look human anymore? i mean, do they even have boogers?
some people radiate beauty and exquisiteness. me, i just radiate smell. haha.
and i'm not just talking about susperstars, and actors and singers and all that.

i'm talking about normal people too. sometimes i see someone on the street (guy or girl)
and i will think to mysel, (i'm kind of stalkerish that way)
"man, how'd he/she get so perfect?"
it's like our eyes are automatically drawn to them, and i't doesn't matter that the'y're wearing jeanas and a t-shirt or selipar jamban or so,ething tacky, because the outfit totally rocks on them anyway so it's all cool.
how unfair is that? i mean, i've always wanted to think that everyone's beautiful in their own special way,
but sometimes that just doesn't happen. life isn't that fair.
people will always be attracted to beauty, because that's all they can see right?

like imagine me standing in line at starbucks for a cup of coffee. (even though i do not drink coffee, ew.)
i'm next to order, and the guy who's taking my order is really really adorable and he's smiling at me.
but suddenly!!! emma watson comes striding along, looking like this:

pictured above: emma watson and her utter awesomeness

do you think the coffee boy will be smiling at me? huh? huh?

i don't think so. he'll be looking at her, mouth agape, looking at her friggin'yellow skinny jeans and thinking of ways that he can ask her out on a date. and i'll be here, standing like a moron, addicted to coffee and feeling ugly in my skinny jeans (without the skinny legs though) and selipar jamban.

pretty people suck.

hahaha. i've gone loco.

extra post.

i'm bored. (pasal tu la ada 2 posts today eh?)
i feel like expressing myself...through interpretive dance!

hahaha. i love cyanide and happiness. they're so random.

okay okay i just wanted to say something random. having said that, my life is complete. :P

every superhero has a secret identity.

"God gave you style and gave you grace,

God put a smile upon your face."

oh brazil. i mourn your departure from the world cup.
how did this happen?

okay seriously. how did this happen?
i watched the match at a shopping mall (no sports channel at home, boohoo) and i never saw both of the goals made by netherlands. iklan lama nak mampus during half time, chiessss. then tengok2 bila all the ads half time dah habis, it was already in the 75th minute and the neds were already leading. i was like "WHATTTTTT??? apa jadi?"
(cue heart palpitations and nervous breakdown)

oh well. there's always 4 years from now to look forward to. (le sigh)

have you ever felt like nothing in your life is moving? like everything's static, nothing's changing,
that life is this one huge routine that you go through everyday?
i'm kind of feeling like that right now.
and it's fine sometimes, because sometimes it's awesome when you get to wake up, do nothing and go back to sleep at the end of the day without really achieving anything.
but sometimes i feel like i should be doing...something. you know?
and not just to change my life, but also another person's life. everyone's lives.
like standing up for what you believe in, or saving the world, or becoming patrick starfish and diving into a tub full of jell-o. (i actually really like the last one, but it doesn't really change anyone's life. except mine and patrick's.)

but you know what? i'm gonna let this feeling pass.
because after this, i'm gonna have to apply for my masters, and start becoming all serious and teary-eyed sebab tak cukup tido and generally work my ass off for something that i may or may not have use for in the future.
i will become bitter, short on time, messy, and i will be too lazy to eat proper meals and resort to ribena and chips.
i won't have time to be bored. or have time to not do anything. so i will appreciate this nothingness.
because hey, even nothing means something right?
(wrong. you're just trying to be clever. )

oh whatever.

i am an illusionist, i am your greatest nightmare.

"so put a banana in your ear."

tra la la.

so, i've finally finished my conference paper. hopefully, that is. right on track too!

(menipu la kau anis. buat keje lambat.)

and i should start applying for my masters in utm, um and usm. i have the forms already, i think.

hmm.

this is great! i actually have nothing to do!

(bongok. applications tu siapa mau isi?)

grr8. i've wanted to wplay the witcher again. or maybe l4d. or maybe both.

(you've already played both. what the heck is wrong with you girl?)

and i have so many ebooks i haven't read yet. it'll be awesome.

(you think reading is awesome. you. are. sad.)

and i still have daniel's nintendo to play with. there're like 3000 games in there!

(you play kid games? ohemgee. should've seen this coming.)

hahaha, i am kind of retarded aren't i? i read, play games, sleep, eat. hmm.

in a cool, complex, ultra-suave way which is the envy of men and women alike. (ew.)

WHATEVER.

when i am older i will be stronger,

they'll call me freedom just like a waving flag!