Sunday, March 28, 2010

ooh, you set my soul alight.

"and that's the joy you bring
i'm flying without wings."

oh, i can't do it.
i can't study.

i keep day-dreaming,
or thinking,
i have no clue what i'm doing.

i just know it's bloody distracting and i can't study.
it's probably due to the fact that i'm studying
while listening to the whole contents of my itunes,
and currently wailing like a banshee at muse's "supermassive black hole".
but that couldn't be it. that's too simple.

have you ever listened to a song,
and it just reminded you of some random, totally pointless event in your life,
but you love it anyways?
like right now, i'm listening to "i believe in a thing called love" by the darkness,
and i remember all my dorky, totally awesome friends from high school,
because they were the ones who made me love it, haha.
i remember all the gossiping and hanging out in front of class,
and then lari when cikgu-cikgu yang garang datang haha.

and it's amazing how all westlife songs
make me feel like a kid again.
closet obsession, yo. them, and backstreet boys.

and then when i listen to my linkin park songs,
i'll remember the (now funny) angst-ridden teenager i once was,
wanting so much to be understood but never bothering to explain.
turns out i didn't have much to understand anyways.
just needed to know where i stand in life, that's all. no biggie.

and when i listen to the one of the awesomest bands in the world,
named switchfoot,
i remember all the happy times in my life,
the times where i was looking for an identity,
but having fun with being nobody, all at the same time.
their songs remind me of the real world, and courage,
and being absolutely fine with whoever the hell i wanna be.

ah, i love nostalgia.
i wonder what kind of songs we'll all sing when we're out in the world?

(p/s: to all my friends, i ♥ you guys.
like westlife says it, "you gave me love and helped me find the sun.")

Sunday, March 21, 2010

don't we all?

"i can hear them whisper,
and it makes me there's something wrong with me."

i have a few confessions to make.

i think ian somerhalder is hottttt.
see, i don't really see him as good-looking when i look at a picture of him,
but when he plays damon in vampire diaries,
i fan myself and fight off the urge to swoon and faint.

another confession.
i haven't finished my thesis yet, so what am i doing at 5 in the morning online?

yet another pointless confession.
i..i think i am becoming a shopaholic.
srsly had to fight off the urge to buy a military jacket just now.
and my god, i wanna own a pair of oxford heels so badly.
(even though the first pair of heels i've ever owned is somewhere inside pegoo.
cannot pakai sangat lah. malu and sakit kaki haha.)
pfffft. stop it anis.

i had a photography outing today.
eh i mean yesterday la, coz da ahad kan ni.
don't wanna talk about the trip, nothing sangat in bukit tinggi.
but on the way back to uia, i eavesdropped on a conversation
between this one sistah and my skill tutor..thingy dude. haha.

basically, they were saying that memang patut perempuan kahwin lelaki 5 tahun lagi tua,
because if they get together when they're at the same age,
nanti yang laki pun sibuk nak merajuk jugak. nak emosi jugak.
i choked after this comment was made by the cikgu,
who is a man,
and who is married to a women his age.
it was funny. but true, i guess.

in a relationship, we all need someone who's the opposite of who we are.
someone calm and collected for someone hot-headed.
someone emotional with someone logical.
someone who talks too much and someone who is willing to always listen.
like my parents.
my dad's a quiet dude, and he's really kind of nerdy
(i say that lovingly. kot. hahaha lawak je ayah. i ♥ u)
and my mom's lively, and quite loud, and talkative.
and they both mix really well together, because my mom makes my dad talk more,
and my dad makes my mom watch the news and never miss it, even for a great movie haha,
and i don't know..

i wish i had that.
but don't we all?
but don't get me wrong. i don't mind waiting.
because something as difficult to get as love must really be worth waiting for, huh?
and if that doesn't work, and i'm all alone, at least i have ian somerhalder. :P

nite homies.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

every soul worth saving.

i hate it when people underestimate other people.

i'll admit that i tend to do it sometimes too, i do feel ashamed of myself.
i feel like an idiot. mean. arrogant.

i try not to assume bad things about people whom i know nothing of.
sometimes i fail, but hey, i try.

what is it about some people that makes us think that we're better than them?
are we that saintly?
are we so smart?
are we that good looking?

whatever the reason is, it's bullshit.
i'm bullshit too. we're all bull.

every person is worth saving.
every person is beautiful on the inside. and the outside, but we're all just too blind to see it.
every person is smarter than they let on. everyone knows at least one thing that we don't.
every person is rich. we just have different kinds of riches. words, compassion, money. we're all rich.
every person is better than us. everyone has a different story. everyone is different.

and we judge them, because we want them, we expect them to be just like us.
we hate them if they don't think like we do. don't act like we act. don't see the way we see.

don't think you're better than others.
don't judge others because they're not like you.
don't hate. i'm tired of hating. it eats away at your heart and makes you crazy. it makes you...somebody else.

i wish i could tell you something.
every soul is worth saving.
if you don't think so, then maybe you're waiting to be saved as well.

i feel alright, so please don't get me rescued.

"triangle trying to squeeze through a circle,
he tried to cut me so i'd fit."

i have no clue why i'm online right now.

i have a thesis to complete, dang it.
work, anis. work!!

oh it's no use. i have the shortest attention span known to man.
i can't even form a decent sentence to save a life.

this sucks.

i'm bored. and bored. and again, bored.
and this post is completely random because i just wanted to do something to distract me from work.


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

scaredy cat.

i like walking back to my room by myself at in the early mornings.

i usually do this every time there's a discussion at my friend's room in the other mahallah.
i used to sleep at her room, but lately i just. like. walking. home.
so at 2, or 3, or 4 a.m., i pack all my stuff and say my goodnights.
then i walk.

the world is quiet.
you can hear your own heart beat. if you try hard enough.
anything is possible. fairytales are possible. dragons and vampires, and swords gleaming in the glint of the moonlight, they're all possible.
when it's so quiet, i can think. i can imagine everything.

mostly i think of my parents. and my family. and problems. and solutions. and i daydream. and i wonder. and i wish for things that aren't there. or i wish for things that are there. and friends. and graduating.

when it's quiet, i think of all the things i can't bring myself to think of any other times.

sometimes my friends get worried, and ask me if i get scared.
they ask me if i ever meet anyone when i'm walking.
and i'll say, sometimes i do. sometimes i don't.
people are scared of ghosts. rapists. evil men. creatures of the night.

there are worse things in the world to be scared of.
like losing the ones you love. or not being good enough. or failing. being a disappointment.

nowadays, i'm too busy being scared of other things to be scared of ghosts.
i'm too busy being scared of myself.