Tuesday, March 2, 2010

scaredy cat.

i like walking back to my room by myself at in the early mornings.

i usually do this every time there's a discussion at my friend's room in the other mahallah.
i used to sleep at her room, but lately i just. like. walking. home.
so at 2, or 3, or 4 a.m., i pack all my stuff and say my goodnights.
then i walk.

the world is quiet.
you can hear your own heart beat. if you try hard enough.
anything is possible. fairytales are possible. dragons and vampires, and swords gleaming in the glint of the moonlight, they're all possible.
when it's so quiet, i can think. i can imagine everything.

mostly i think of my parents. and my family. and problems. and solutions. and i daydream. and i wonder. and i wish for things that aren't there. or i wish for things that are there. and friends. and graduating.

when it's quiet, i think of all the things i can't bring myself to think of any other times.

sometimes my friends get worried, and ask me if i get scared.
they ask me if i ever meet anyone when i'm walking.
and i'll say, sometimes i do. sometimes i don't.
people are scared of ghosts. rapists. evil men. creatures of the night.

there are worse things in the world to be scared of.
like losing the ones you love. or not being good enough. or failing. being a disappointment.

nowadays, i'm too busy being scared of other things to be scared of ghosts.
i'm too busy being scared of myself.


  1. What a healthy way... to get mugged.

  2. lol my sayang. <3
    i know right? but i just. like. being. socially. retarded. (and in the dark too.)

    but no worries. i can handle myself, i think. i'm scary like Gollum, muggers get freaked out. hahah.