day and night dreams.

i'm feeling way random.

and i'm wondering why i can't sleep yet.

anyways,

because friends don't let friends daydream alone.

i ♥ this picture. so cute la you two rascals.

hmm. wait. if i daydream at night, is it still called daydreaming?

or should i call it nightdreaming?

or just dreaming?

or...something?

hmm, must find out.

i need to finish my work. hot damn.

please let me in, i need to fine you.

let's see what kind of horrifying shit UIA is up to now.

saman for this semester? check.

i have no clue, but i always a saman every semester. it's like UIA is trying to remind me of its undying love for my cash hahaha.

UIA, you suck.

next, my room gets lectured by our block's fellow for feeding stray cats.

feeding stray cats.

i swear. feeding stray cats pun tak boleh ke?

idiots la manusia ni. macam mane nak jadi khalifah muka bumi kalau bagi makan kucing pun kena marah? they're helpless creatures.

they don't have wallets to buy food and a place to sleep every night, so we try to help them out.

the cats that poop all around the place are cats which we have never seen before.

we, residents of e1.3 know that because we see these cats all the time. i've seen oren's pooping place, it's not beside my slipper la. they're smarter than you let on, you ignorant little fellow.

abi might look real garang, but she does not poop where she eats.

all the idiots yang tak suka kucing la tu komplen.

i hope all the cats take a dump on your shoes (the most expensive ones) for being so selfish and shallow. bagi makan kucing pun nak pandang slack. nak marah. ngok.

(yes i do feel strongly about animals. they're nice and innocent and they don't deserve this kind of treatment.)

and then that same fellow got upset at one of my room mates for bringing a rice cooker.

lantak kitorang la nak bawak, the food in the cafe sucks. everytime i eat the nasik lemak i get cherry berry. (lol i got that one from suzana haha)

ok ok that's kind of unfair. i know we're not allowed to bring some electrical appliances right?

i accept that. i've registered all my stuff, and none are illegal.

but i have to say, lain kali cakap la elok-elok kalau nak tegur.

don't get all pissy and overdramatic.

state your point like an adult and tell us nicely.

we're university students, we have some brains too, okay?

i swear i got insulted on my friend's behalf.

and then this whole cleanliness competition?

i will just say this.

as students, our core business revolves around studying, researching and sucking up as much information in here as we can.

so if budak tu humban baju kotor dia dalam baldi so let her la.

bukan dia tak basuh. bukan dia suruh awak basuh. bukan dia pakai buang, therefore kacau ekonomi negara or something.

please woman, leave us be!

(bad mood)

it's an instantaneous reaction.

i enjoy being happy because then i appreciate the life i'm having right now.

despite all my fuckups, i'm still here.

and i'm still me. and that is great.

i enjoy feeling little, because i know i'm not the best.

i know i'm a speck of dust in this world. but to Him i matter.

and that feels great, because all this while He's mattered to me too.

i enjoy being free, because freedom is not something you should take lightly.

freedom of the body is hard to find. freedom of the heart is even harder.

so i feel the breeze, and i bask in the sun, and i kick the fallen leaves on the ground.

i enjoy the big things, and the little things, and i will not take anything for granted.

because i am free. and i feel free.

i enjoy being angry, because anger means something.

it means i feel strongly. it means i care.

it means that at the end of the day, i will go to bed thinking,

"was my anger justified? was i too harsh? was i right?"

and at the dawn of a new day, i will wake up, apologetic and humble, and i will say sorry.

and i will mean it.

i enjoy being sad. sadness is my favourite emotion.

sadness means remembering the past, and taking note so that in the future,

i'll do something different. then i won't be sad ever again.

and if i do get sad in the future, it will be okay.

because sadness makes you stronger. and better.

and i want to be a better person anyways.

i don't regret a single thing in this life.

the importance of being funny.

i've noticed a certain trait in myself.

rather peculiar, if i must say so.

it's just that...everytime i like someone, i tend to try really hard to make him/her laugh.

it's like, i like you, i'll make fun of myself to make you happy.

very...people-pleasing of me. but it's especially fun with the guys,

because my jokes are often frickin' ridiculous.

sheeesh.

one random particular quote is sticking in my head right now.

it's from that amanda bynes movie with the hot british lad...er, what a girl wants.

he said to the bynes, just before they smooched and went all sappy on me,

"why do you try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"

ah, wise words my friend. the mind is as pretty as the face, and all that jazz.

my roomate says i have a thing for british faces.

well, can't say that's a bad thing, right?

hahaha.

if i were to choose any animal to be in this world,

i'd be the irukandji jellyfish.

it's tiny, not bigger than a few centimetres wide. the biggest so far is 35cm in length.

however, it is extremely venomous. some of the effects from its venom are nausea, severe pains in several parts of the body, high heart rate and blood pressure, and the feeling of impending death.

small and creepy.

how frigging appropriate is that? hahaha.

distant lights in the night. all those flickers are making me dizzy.

"i pray that something picks me up and,

lays me down in your warm arms."

life plans for now:

- to reduce the numbers of people who hate me from 100 to 90.

- to be less annoying.

- to be more 'ayu', since it's apparently what every girl should be. guuuhhhh.

- to be successful in life, throughout life, and in the afterlife.

- to keep and cherish all the friends i have now, and to find more who can love me for who i am.

- to be less childish.

- er...is that last point really necessary? i kind of like being childish. most adults are dumb. :\

- to maintain my awesome sense of coolness and attractiveness.

- to be less perasan and gila.

- to find more money, and not spend it on shopping.

- to find someone to spend the rest of my life with who is, simply put, awesome. :P (gedik!)

- to be a better khalifah, a better human being, a better follower.

- to find that peace i've been looking for so long.

- to gain weight and not care about it.

- to love and be loved unconditionally.

- to find happiness in myself before i find it in in others.

- to buy an iphone. ahaha..

- to travel around the whole world, have an experience of a lifetime.

- to be myself and love it.

- to stop making lists about life plans and start living them. YAAAAH!!! :P

soap on my face, and a hand on my crotch.

"what's life like, bleeding on the floor like that?"

shopping days are always superbly tiring.

but also superfly, so nevermind the tiring part.

i bought my dress already.

i hope this dinner is bloody worth it,

because i don't know where i can wear a poufy dress like that anywhere else,

and not die of sheer embarrassment.

or...maybe not. i really have no shame sometimes, haha.

but whatever yeah.

kawan-kawan, saya mahu lelaki sorang.

details: patient, funny, not afraid to be himself, good with animals, interesting,

loves reading and writing, laid back, looks great in skinny jeans, has great sense of style,

loves horror movies, uses ribena for his vitamin supplement, adorable,

plays video games, is quite nerdy (because nerds are hawt) and

can help finish my food when we eat together. haa ha ha.

dang i really need a life, haha.

i told you so.

despite all that has been said and done, i am here, and i will stay.
despite falling down, scraping my knees, cutting both my hands and losing my legs in the process,
i will not bow down.

you will try to tell me that i am wrong, and one day i might agree.
but you don't know anything until you've seen everything,
and you've clearly seen nothing.

so tear me down and build a new bridge,
full of heavy vehicles and steel cables that make you feel safe and comfortable.
paint me out with the rest of them because i mean nothing,
even if i meant something.
engineer this structure anew with a vibrancy and life we've never known,
and watch one day as it burns and sets the city on fire,
because you've overlooked some tiny, seemingly insignificant, extremely important detail.

and when that happens,
i reserve the right to say "i told you so."