Tuesday, February 14, 2012

misplaced trust and old friends.

i've watched a lot of movies in my life. some movies stick with me, and some don't.

some movies are so memorable to me for the weirdest reasons. i sometimes get stuck into watching and re-watching a movie just because of one scene, or one guy, or just...one feeling.

therefore, i present to you the saddest scene which i have ever encountered in a movie. few movies compare to the welling amount of sadness that i felt when...well, watch it for yourself. it's acted by tom hanks, who is my favourite actor ever, so i guess i am somewhat biased?

i don't normally exude such feelings towards volleyballs myself, but heck, when i first watched this scene back when i was younger, i think i cried. i honestly think i did. i cried because the attachment he felt towards wilson was as real as an attachment one would feel towards a best friend, or a lover, or a family member. he was crying for the loss of the only person he had. he was crying because when wilson was around he didn't feel so lonely.

i guess i can sort of relate to tom hanks' character in the movie. i get attached to the stupidest things sometimes, and people just don't understand why. it's not the thing, it's the feelings attached to the thing that matters.

for example, even though i am twenty four years old i still have a stuffed pillow in the shape of a cat as a bantal busuk. it seems kind of crazy and childish and irrational that i would keep something that i got when i was around fifteen years old for someone else's birthday (i decided to keep it because i thought it was adorable) but i look at tembam (lol yeah so i named it) and i don't ever see myself throwing it..him away.

he reminds me of sleepy nights watching movies with my friends, and sleeping by myself in a 'haunted' house (my old house in penang had this freaky, ominous feeling to it) and crying myself to sleep when i had fights with my parents or my friends or even my ex. he reminds me of happiness, of comfort and love, in times when i felt that no one could ever love me.

when we were children we all had these things, blankets or pillows or soft toys that we were attached to. what exactly happened to us to make us throw these things away? parents would often go with the 'she's too old for it' story, which makes me wonder: what exactly are we too old for anyways? we're too old for comfort? i dunno, i just don't quite understand it. someone please enlighten me.

i guess it's different for me. i don't really know how to seek comfort in people. people are confusing. people make me awkward. people often backstab you and break your heart and say things that make you feel like you want to jump off a bridge. people are unpredictable.

i guess i put more trust in a stuffed toy more than i believe in people? which, to be honest, is quite sad.

what is wrong with me?

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