We were invited by the father of the groom, who was my dad's friend and boss. He had found out that I was coming to Saudi via my dad and insisted that I came. All I can say is that my brother's really lucky he didn't have to come to the wedding.
I am happy for the newlyweds, I truly am. But come on, I am not a huge fans of weddings. Malaysian weddings, or Arab weddings, or any frikkin' kind of weddings. I was curious though, and agak kesian because my mom would get bored. Plus my little 13 year old friends would undoubtedly have a fit if I didn't go.
(My new found friends are 13 years old. My mom gets reports from their moms that they adore me, and find me very seronok and sporting. I am somewhat surprised and amused. Haha. I also have another friend, a little boy of 8 years old who keeps asking me to play games with him at the mall. No wonder I feel so young.)
So, I go there, ok? And the wedding's being held at this huge hall. My mom told me that the weddings here usually start at around 9.00p.m to 3.00a.m. Yes, 3.00a.m. Frikkin' 3 o'clock in the morning. Pelik sungguh kan. And then, the moment we step into the hall (segregated between male and females) the girls start taking off their abayas and stepping out with these gorgeous, rich-looking, very revealing dresses! My mom and I were wearing normal clothes you know, so we were looking at each others dengan muka yang sungguh terkejut, hahaha.
Turns out that for every Arab wedding they attend, these women will spend thousands of dollars for a dress (no doubt Gucci or something stupidly mahal like that) and do their hair, plus make up and yadda yadda. Some of them looked gorgeous, some of them were quite modest, some of them looked like hookers haha. Tapi semuanya tak pakai tudung and kebanyakan seksi habis. Ada yang tak pakai bra kot! They looked more glamorous than Hollywood stars on red carpets. Time tu lah I looked at my mom and she looked at me and we both thought:
"Good God, what have we gotten ourselves into?"
And the wedding itself punya la pelik. These people dah la datang lambat nak mati, pastu wat muke kerek pulak. Pastu a band (all women, duh) came and started singing these really loud Arabic songs and somewhere some folks were doing those noises Red Indians made, only way scarier. Like, "Olololololo!!!!!" (I tried searching for the source of those noises, ingatkan computer generated or something, tapi tak jumpa. Mysterious gila.)
And they DO dance at weddings. Honest to God, I kid you not. Walaupun menari macam terhenjut2 je, tapi still menari. The dance looked so lazy, it could only be Arabic. Some of them were dancing together, some were chain smoking like the bloody mafia, and some were socializing. Meanwhile us Asians were dying of a culture shock and trying to avoid staring at some chick's tits and all the while we were being served cardamom tea (taste like shit) and bowls of chocolates (sedap nak mati, kitorang sapu bersih haha) and M&M's with the newlyweds' pictures on them.
I mean, hello. They stamped every single M&M in the fucking hall with their faces. If that doesn't say something, nothing can.
The food they served came in tiny portions, like bite-sized. We all started wondering how we were going to survive the wedding and come out alive. We were kind of scarred, at that point. The food was okay. Some were tasty, some were weird. All were tiny.
Then finally, finally! the couple came. Berapa jam kena tunggu korang keluar, hampeh. And they begin this crawl-like speed ascend down to the hall, one freaking step at a time. We had to wait like, 10 minutes for them to reach the bottom of the stairs. Gah. And when they reached the bottom, incredibly enough, the red carpet they were to walk on to go to the podium at the other end elevated. It elevated! Macam runway! God I was so weirded out.
Then at the end of the ceremony (or so we thought) we stood up la. People were starting to exit the hall, so ikut je la kan. Rupa-rupanya...there was a buffet. A freaking buffet at 3 freaking a.m in the morning. And the hostess would not let us leave without eating first. So..terpaksa la pergi makan. (Although at this point eating was better than watching people prance around in high heels.)
There had to be like, a hundred dishes at the buffet tables. Or more. Salads of all kinds, nasi kambing, nasi unta pun ada kot, kebabs, fish fillets, prawns, cakes, sweets, memang banyak gila food. Unfortunately, I am a huger fan of sleep than of food, so I ate what I could grab and couldn't even finish that haha. Then balik la kami semua, amidst the jam sebab drivers cuba nak amik their maams from the wedding.
Penat sungguh wedding Arab. An event best experienced once, and then avoided like the plague. The end.