i'm not really bothered to think of a cool title for this post.

"i've been dying to get out,

and that might be the death of me"

this week..gah, this week has been terrible on my life. a harrassment on my pure angelic senses, i must say. i'm drained dry and withered by my cruel experiences of this week.

well i was pissed off, which amounts to the same thing really.

my car decided that it was tired of living, thus my car battery and car remote battery (you know, the beep beep thing) decided to die on me. 

rivers of tears were shed, figuratively. i had to reschedule an appointment with my project leader just because of you, car. i thought we were friends. god, i thought we were friends. *slow sobbing*

bad things are happening with my studies right now, but i am reluctant to elaborate on the matter because honestly, it gives me anxiety. 

spongebob does anxiety quite well tbh

BUT! there were some awesome things that happened this week. for one, i went shopping. lolzzzzz. well i had to cheer myself up somehow right? 

i received a birthday gift from sephora which expired on the 24th, so i had to go claim my prize. i mean, it's the polite thing to do, and obviously having arrived at sephora one cannot just stick to the plan. i mean, that's not very creative. so i bought some stuff. and i'm happy with them, so so happeh!

loot!

tha main thing i was excited about was the guerlain meteorites perles in teint beige. i've been lemming this for a teensy bit. see, ever since i had these skin problems i have been obsessed with skincare and makeup i think. i researched these things on the internet and short of feeding your cats when you are not at home and folding your clothes it claims to do a whole bunch of miraculous stuff, like blurring imperfections and fine lines, reduce redness and more. 

i tried it in store, wasn't that impressed with it but i still wanted to give it a chance because the reviews are mostly all positive. tried it out yesterday and oh my god. i don't even know what the hell it did to my skin but i looked at myself while i was in the car and my skin looked amazeballs. i'm gonna do some more testing with this stuff, it is amazing so far but woah is it expensive for a few colourful cute balls in nice packaging.

said balls of glory.

more exciting than the guerlain meteorites however, is the book that i bought from mphonline a few days ago. it's the wreck this journal by keri smith!

dean just couldn't contain himself could he? lol.

now, what is this thing? 

this is the wreck this journal. it is a book that has illustrations and prompts that you must follow. your goal? to wreck the journal! it's really creative, and kind of crazy, and lots of fun. these are some awesome things that other people have come up with that i could find:

it's not really a book but an experience, as you have to do loads of questionable stuff to it to actually complete the instructions. i also find myself pushing myself more, like i tell myself not to be so predictable and boring and actually do something that i normally wouldn't. and best of all, it's up to me to do what i want! so everyone's book will be different. 

so far, i've spray painted my book to try to replicate stars, and i've flung my tea bag at the pages. i actually agree with the therapeutic part, i felt great haha. sometimes it's difficult because i feel so uninspired and i don't know how to make the pages exciting, but i guess that's half of the fun right there! i think this book will always be a work in progress and i'm always going to add things into it and make it uniquely mine. woo! if you want to read other reviews on this anti-journal, just google it. really.

and in doing this, i think i'm partly fulfilling my 2014 resolutions to do more! haha..suck it losers. :p i also got lost on the way to an interview the other day, but it wasn't as fulfilling as it looked on the internet because i was late and there was traffic and i was like fuck it but it was still awesome in its own way.

well, that's it for me. ta!

my irresolute resolutions for 2014.

"fill your eyes with ♥"

i think i can say with 100% certainty that i do not fulfill resolutions. ever. i make lists and then i look at them and try to do one or two then end up getting lazy and bored and...yeah. resolutions aren't really for me.

but that sure as hell never stopped me before haha. i like making lists, i just don't like completing them. and anyways, i need this post to look back on next year as proof that i did muck up my resolutions right? :p

so here are my 2014 resolutions which i will try my best to somewhat fulfill, even though a great scholar named yoda clearly said "do or do not. there is no try." heh, i bet you're the type to complete your resolutions right yoda? 

so. what'll it be this year huh? i've made a list here. see for yourself.

travel more and be more adventurous

yes, that's right. i want to travel more. this year i want to take the time to drive someplace where i've never been before. i'm the kind of person who's afraid to get lost, still am, but hey, i'll never get over this fear if i don't try right? 

do more. 
it sounds so simple. do more. yet it's something that i find i'm struggling with these past few years. i find myself always alone, lazy and in my own thoughts. i prefer sitting at home doing nothing than getting out there and taking care of business. and i can't do that anymore. i want to be the kind of person who does and not just dreams.

i want to finish my masters this year. i want to be more productive with my work and show people how passionate i am about what i do. i don't want to wait for things to come to me anymore, because it won't. so i'll do this for myself. 

i'll do more of everything, not just the serious work stuff. i'll play more video games. i'll read more books. i'll meet more people. i'll get more creative. i'll even care more about the people i'm around.

i'll do this!

healthy heart, healthy body, healthy mind.

my health isn't the best right now. i have the eczema thing to deal with, and i've been gaining weight because i sometimes feel so weighed down yet empty in my head that i'll sit in my room and do absolutely nothing. so this year i wanna change that, slowly. i want to eat better and healthier foods and eat less processed foods. i've actually been quite good at avoiding some bad foods like meggi and all that, but i'm really bad when it comes to junk food. they are my downfall.

so this year, i'm going to drink more water for the sake of my skin, exercise more for the sake of my body, and eat better food. i'm not gonna stop eating unhealthy foods though, i know i won't be able to, but i'm gonna eat them less maybe? sounds doable. 

i'm also going to think more positive thoughts, and channel my efforts into more positive things. i'm not going to be so self-conscious of myself and put myself down all the time. i'm going to be so positive people are gonna see sunrays shining out of my ass.

become more organised.

you mean make more lists? lol. i need to become more organised and neater and clean my room more and file my stuff better cos i'm honestly shit at that kind of stuff. i also need to de-clutter my space and life, i've got way too many clothes and shoes and whatnot, some that i don't wear often and don't like, some i can't fit into anymore, some that are so faded and holey that i should be shot if i wear them out again (those are the most comfortable ones though). 

so out those will go, so i can make more space for new shit hahaha yes!

become less introverted.

er, i don't know if i am introverted or simply weird, but i really prefer being on my own most of the time. attachments are so hard to maintain all the time, yeesh. this doesn't mean that i don't love and appreciate my friends, i love them to bits but a lot of the time i am content to be in my own company instead of others. but no more of this! i need to be friendlier and more open towards other people (i don't trust people lol). who knows, maybe i'll join a club or a frat or something like that.

a slave to the dollar no more. 

hello my name is anis and i am a shopaholic. i am. i buy so much stuff that i may or may not need with the little amount of money that i get every month. i prefer shopping to eating and filling my gas, true story. but this year i want to save more of my money on more meaningful things, like travelling or buying something i really need or have wanted for a long time i.e. a kindle so i can read more books and not have to lug around a hard copy with me (although i prefer actual books than e-books, books are not environmentally friendly yo) or an actual pc so i can play moar games muahaha. or even buy a nice cat tree for wally!

wally can live like an elf...

..or live like king arthur. fancy.

i also need to buy less makeup. god i think i buy too much makeup, but sometimes when i look at the stuff i buy i'm like, "i don't have this shade of blush do i?". it's maddening. i'm not saying i'm gonna stop buying makeup or anything, i just need to be less impulsive. buy only the stuff that i've wanted for a long time. or buy something that i feel like i really really want and would regret if i never bought it (like limited edition stuff y'know). i need to think before i buy. cewah.

capture more memories.

i'm sore of shit with a camera. i admit it. i'm always too lazy to take pictures of other people and too self-conscious to take pictures of myself. but i'm gonna try to change that this year, and become less camera shy maybe? honestly i just need to use my camera more, because it's just sitting there, doing nothing. it's sad and i don't like it. so i'm definitely gonna take more pictures of things (80% of these pictures are likely to be of my cat) and post them everywhere. woohoo. can't wait! (trying to psych myself up here haha)

aaaand...yeah, i think that's it! doesn't sound like too much, and doesn't sound too daunting. woohoo i am so gonna rock this year. 

have a nice day people! :)

kickass things i loved in 2013

"the biggest of mistakes can be forgiven

but a snowball of little white lies will crush your hands"

happy 2014!

*gaily throws confetti and fluffy kittens everywhere* 

wait..we're already..er, 9 days in huh? oh well. bananas and monkey farts.

anyways i wanted to round up the less-than-stellar year that is 2013. many things have happened this year, most of them bad, some of them good but meh it was an okay year. i'm seriously, seriously hoping though, that this year's gonna be kick ass. KICK ASS. okay? okay.

now...

of thieves, liars, orcs and dwarves.

just watched desolation of smaug today with my friend, and let me tell you now, it was AWESOME!

i have been excitedly waiting for this movie for some time. i am a huge fan of the book, because from what i've read tolkien wrote this as a children's book, so while it's adventurous and interesting, it's also funny and the characters are lovable. 

it's just an easy book to read and love for me because while i love the lord of the ring movies i found the books a bit too complex and wordy to read when i'm chillaxing, you know? it's the kind of book that i'd have to jot down notes for because when i read i have to remember exactly who each characters are or else i'd be very frustrated. 

i am also a fan of martin 'sassy' freeman as i think he's a great actor and a great person to boot. funny as hell, swears like a sailor and dresses up like the bamf-iest person ever.

yepp, that's my boy haha.

aaaand, need i even remind you about benedict cumberbatch? (i feel like sprinkling glitter all over the place when i say his name haha) he voices smaug the dragon as well as the necromancer in this movie. his voice acting was fantastic. i had seen an interview where he said that he actually went to the zoo to see reptiles so that he could imitate their movements and sounds and whatnot. which is amazing. benny you're amazing. i love you. lol. 

i also have to say how spot-on he was with the dragon, because in the books smaug is portrayed as this evil and menacing hunk of scales but he also had this cruel playfulness about him.  

now i want a dragon cos of you smaug. bad smaug.

do you still need convincing? well okay then. gandalf. legolas. beorn. frickin' azog the defiler. thorin. i loved them all. well, actually i got quite pissed off at thorin because of how he was behaving towards bilbo....but i shan't spoil it for anyone. 

there were also some beautiful scenery of new zealand in there. like, wow. i am so going there one day. and live in the shire. and become a hairy hobbit. and flirt with legolas. or gandalf. 

i would say though, if you're not a fan of tolkien or you haven't read the hobbit yet you might find this a tad slow because ohmygod this was nearly 3 hours okay. i only got like an hour and a half worth of sleep last night so i was tired and sleepy during some parts but i still managed to snap myself out of it and focus on the movie. 

i would definitely watch this again at the cinemas if i were given free tickets or someone ajak-ed me. thank you peter jackson and co for a wonderful journey through middle earth. (not to be confused with the middle east)

plus lookie what i got:

is this the real life? is this just fanta sea?

fucking hobbit mugs! i bought all 4 designs from burger king as they were selling 'em super cheap and i needed these in my life. they are heat changing mugs, the mug's just black when there's no hot water in it but when i pour hot water into it bam! i get the above results. I HAVE NO REGRETS. i'm gonna be drinking so much tea now. that one's a map of middle earth, they also have one of legolas and tauriel, one of bilbo in an awesome backdrop, and one of gandalf and thorin. woot i am pumped. 

i leave with a picture of benny, on the floor, doing motion capture for the dragon. because did you know that he did motion capture for smaug? you should know. because he's amazing. and he's pretending to be a fucking dragon. 

laterz!

♥

it's all about perspective.

what is this emptiness that i am feeling?

oh yeah, it's lack of cash. go figure. 

CURRENT SITUATION

tendency to shop: HIGH

what's new? but it's year end sale kan, so...totally justified. heehee.

money status: low 

spent more than half of salary already, and it's only early december!

damn i am good at shopping. 

weather: cold as fahk, it's been raining all day 

better than the heat though, that makes me itch like a mofo

food situation:

muesli mix breakfast stuff + greek yoghurt + peanut butter + banana. 

quite good, surprisingly. and quite filling too!

been trying to eat better foods cos i am too lazy to exercise haha

i've also been drinking loads of water so i keep going to the toilet. yay tmi!

my jam: girls by the 1975

it's too damned catchy, i. just. cannot.

favourite quote:

beautiful.

what i want:

money. time. someone to do all the hard work for me.

because i don't think i'm doing well now.

what i actually need:

more passion in what i do. determination. love. hard work.

sometimes i look at myself and wonder, 

where did i go wrong? who am i? can i do this?

(I CAN.)

best achievement this month:

having people tell me (after a conference presentation) 

that i'm contributing something worthwhile to the world.

worst thing this month:

all that shopping! god what a waste of money.

but i love all the stuff i bought and it makes me happy, if somewhat materialistic.

so as long as i use these things up and love them then i'm not that fussed. 

i don't want to live my life with regrets. even for all the stupid things i wish i never did. i mean, what's life without a little stupidity right? :)