Sunday, August 9, 2009

Gray matches your heart.

What a tiring weekend. Between juggling emotions, trying to act cool in front of a concerned mother and joining my parents' busy social schedule, I thought I'd never make it.

Mama, I know I never tell you much about anything, but you understand right? You've always understood. Like you told me, you sensed that something was wrong the moment you saw me walk to the car. It surprised me, because I didn't think I looked down, but you sensed it. You said to me, "9 bulan mama bawak adik dalam perut mama. Takkan la kalau adik sedih mama tak perasan. Nak tipu orang lain maybe boleh, tapi jangan tipu mama."

Well...I wish I could tell you the things that are inside my head, but I'm always so ashamed. I'm ashamed of making a scene and crying. I'm ashamed of being wrong. I'm ashamed because I need you so much, but I'm scared to tell you that. I'm ashamed because I'm weak, and vulnerable, and you're the only one who can tell.

I love you so much mama. Thank you.

I swear I'll tell you one day.

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