my ode to skincare.

okay, so for the past few months i've been involved in a very special and awesome skincare group that focuses mainly on AB beauty. (AB is Asian Beauty yo) and it's really ignited my love and passion for skincare. 

if you don't know (or don't remember) i started being interested in skincare a few years back when my skin suddenly went haywire. i don't know what caused it, i don't even know how i fixed it (lol) but suddenly my skin, which was previously combination oily and acne prone but generally not horrible, started becoming flaky, and very dry, and very painful. i developed eczema patches under my eyes and around my forehead, and i was very depressed at the time. i felt horrible and i thought i looked horrible. 

i also began to experience allergic reactions to seemingly random products. some that i've used before, some that i bought to counter my skin issues. i was distraught, i was spending so much money buying skincare that i couldn't wear! so i started to research and carefully understand the stuff that i was putting on my skin. i was on a mission to fix this shit, and i wasn't gonna give up on my skin. 

at the time, my interested leaned heavily towards western skincare, specifically natural and organic ingredients. the simpler the ingredients were, the better for me because then i'd be able to identify what triggered my allergic reactions. i relied on oils (rosehip oil will forever be my jam, but argan oil really worked for my skin then) and rosewater (soothing and good for dry skin) and i loved honey masks (manuka honey because of the higher antibacterial ingredients). over the following years, my skin slowly healed, and it went from becoming super dry and flaky, to just dry, and then to normal (those days were the best. no pimples and no dryness lol) and now, my skin's back to it's usual combo oily self. i'm really happy with how my skin is at the moment, and more than that i'm happy that i took the time to learn about what i was putting on my face. 

now, at the time, due to my many sensitivities i of course leaned towards organic and natural skincare. however, now that i've learned more about skincare in general, i know and understand that natural does not necessarily mean better. some natural ingredients can aggravate acne, and some chemical-based (is this the right term? idk) like AHAs and BHAs can help the skin...when used correctly, of course. so now, 5 years later, here i am. i research most of the products i want to buy, i take care of my skin and pamper it because i only have the one face so might as well, and i try not to fall into skincare hypes or lean too heavily on what salespeople tell me about a certain product. so on and so forth, you know. 

having said all these things, i return to the main point of my rant lol. i'm now into Asian skincare. i like how affordable they are, and how they have products that target specific needs instead of a one-size-fits-all thing that some western brands adopt (although some AB brands do have those as well). more importantly, i think AB stuff suits my skin and where i live more cos they emphasize on layers of hydration, rather than 1 thick layer of cream that sits heavily on the skin (which suits their weather but feels kinda horrible in malaysia's humid conditions). sometimes i find products i like and wanna rave about them. sometimes i learn about skincare tips that make my skin feel and look amazeballs. sometimes i hate a product with a passion and wanna er, caution everyone else lol. 

whatever the case may be, i feel like i want to do more skincare and makeup-based (never forget the makeup lol) posts more on this blog, if i like them enough (and they're not ranty AF) then i might be persuaded to start a skincare and beauty blog as a personal record of my skincare journey. i don't know, i'm feeling a bit inspired at the moment. we'll see!

aaaand that's it for my skincare rant lol. next up, a post about something! idk. lol. bye!

psychosomatic wounds to the heart.

"let's compare scars, i'll tell you whose is worse" 

why do you do this to yourself?
time and time again you've told yourself to be stronger,
but time and time again you have failed.
you should be used to this.

you loan your heart out so freely to others,
always wishing for the best,
you feel too deeply,
for strangers and friends alike.

please don't despair,
words are just...words.
they cannot hurt you (yet they do).
they tear tiny little holes in your heart.

but then again,
that is your own fault,
for feeling too much,
for seeing ghosts in hidden corners,
for hearing whispers where there is only wind.

so i ask again,
why do you do this to yourself?
you have only yourself to blame.

update to makeup use-up challenge.

hello human world. i realize now that i had completely forgotten about updating my makeup use-up challenge here on my blog. which is normal. i am a forgetful sod. forgive me. but fear not, i have been very (read: kinda) diligent with using up, panning and destashing my current makeup stuff so that i am closer towards achieving a well-loved collection. 

it's been a long journey, and man it's kind of exhausting to actively try to use stuff up. some days i think to myself, is this torture worth it? then i realize how #firstworldproblem this is and how much of an idiot i am and all is well. 

to be honest, i didn't follow the rules that i had first set up for myself in my previous post. here's a breakdown of what happened:

1. duration of low-buy: 1 may 2016 to 31st july 2016. REALITY: i did actually go on a low-buy for a while, but i of course broke it. it was horrible, tears were shed. this was an epic EPIC fail. 
2. budget of RM100 per month for makeup. REALITY: nope nope nope. in the beginning it was fantastic, i didn't buy much apart from some stuff here and there, but as time went on my itch for buying makeup increased, and i relapsed. i'm hoping it'll be better for next year (2017) as i can only improve from here onwards right? right? 
3. the money allocated towards a particular month, if unspent, can be carried forward to the next month. REALITY: NOPE.
4. impulse purchases are not allowed! REALITY: i have been loads better with my purchases. most of them are carefully researched, some impulse purchases still happened but they're all drugstore. 
5. i am allowed to destash items that are in my makeup use-up challenge provided that i've made a lot of effort to try and make them work. REALITY: yes to this! omg i had so many shit that i hated but still tried to make them work for me. that bareminerals foundation? tossed it!
6. i need to use up at least 20 items from my makeup use-up list. i can add items into the use-up list, but i cannot take an item out of the list. REALITY: hooo boy, this is where i excelled. you won't believe this. i actually used up/panned/destashed 37 products from my collection! amazing! fantastic! woo back pat! some stuff i thought i'd use up are still goin' strong, like the stila setting powder. sometimes i hit ninja pan, where i didn't anticipate hitting pan so early, like my stila eyeshadow in sunset and a topshop cream blush. overall i am super proud of myself, and i'm still trying to use up some stuff so i hit the 40 mark. go me! 

lemme break it down further mmkay?

makeup use-up challenge: rulezzzz.

a few days after posting my plans for the makeup use-up challenge 2016, i realized several things simultaneously. first of all, i think i am being waaaay too confident in my abilities to not shop during a sale, lololol. i also realize that i didn't have any rules to my challenge and no-buy which i have to adhere to. i've been reading a lot of posts from reddit's makeuprehab, and have since realized that there's a low-buy (where i buy some stuff occassionally), no-buy (where i buy nothing at all), and a replacement only no-buy (where i can only repurchase stuff that i've run out of). there's also something called a planned purchase, where you can only buy items from a carefully thought out and well-researched list of products (your wishlist).

i think i'm first going to do a low-buy, so that means i buy makeup occasionally, but i am putting a stronger emphasis on just buying stuff that i've run out of...which in the case of my makeup, i don't think i'm going to run out of anything except for lip primers and mascaras...oh and eyeliners for the waterline (as i currently only have 1 that i can use on my waterline now). now if this low-buy is successful, i am going to 

so, after thinking about it extensively, i think these will be my rules for this challenge:

• duration of low-buy: i want to start slow so for now it's from 1 may 2016 to 31st july 2016. 
• rather than cutting out my makeup spending entirely, it's better if i set a strict budget for myself to spend on makeup items every month. right now i think i'm gonna set it at rm100 per month. i am doing this because although i don't have any items that i feel like buying now, i think this is bound to change as my enthusiasm slowly wanes haha. 
• the money allocated towards a particular month, if unspent, can be carried forward to the next month. so if i only spent rm20 for may, then for june i will have a budget of rm180. i hope this can cultivate a careful spending habit for the future.
• impulse purchases are not allowed! buyers' remorse is a bich (misspelling intentional)
• i am allowed to destash items that are in my makeup use-up challenge provided that i've made a lot of effort to try and make them work. (i'm thinking of you bare minerals ready foundation, you little arse)
• i need to use up at least 20 items from my makeup use-up list. i can add items into the use-up list, but i cannot take an item out of the list. honestly though, i can't think of an occasion where i'd take something out of the list haha. i will however celebrate the shit out of using up a product not within the list because yo, using up makeup takes determination ok.

erm, i think is all of the rules? maybe if i get through this one i can do the challenge differently and make it more difficult. there's a one in, one out rule where i have to use or destash something from within my collection before i can replace it with something else. there's also one where if you use a product up, you will get a certain amount of money added into your budget, i.e. if i used up one  full-sized foundation, then rm10 is added to my budget, rm5 for deluxe sized items, and so on. there's so many ways of doing this honestly.

okayyyy, that's it from me. i think i might make another post, just cos i'm bored and trying to delay having to sidai kain lollllz. bye!

the makeup use-up challenge 2016.

as i promised yesterday, here is a more detailed post on my current seemingly fruitless endeavor, which is the makeup use-up challenge. i first saw this challenge on youtube being done by a bunch of people, and i think it was started by the youtuber elle is for living? it seemed like an interesting challenge, and knowing that i really needed to focus on using products from my existing stash, i decided that i wanted to join the challenge informally. 

so for the past 4 months or so, i have selected a bunch of makeup items that i either want to use up, use more of, or give another chance before i throw them out. all of these items are honestly quite old items that i want to use up before they go bad, some of them i really do like and some of them not so much. 

now, i've looked at the list that i made last night, and have decided that i actually need to put in more lipstick products in there, since there were only 4 lip products and i already used 1 up yesterday haha. and seeing as how i dubbed 2016 as my "year of the lipstick" i think i kind of need to use up more of my lipsticks and slim down my stash. 

so here's the new list of items that i would like to finish/hit pan/get rid of (but only if i really can't make it work for me). this is A LOT of flippin' makeup to go through haha. here they are according to their categories:

this post is so much makeup i can't even right now.

*deep breaths*

okay, let's do this. so...hi internet hoomans. i am anis. i have a bit of an obsession with makeup, so much so i feel like i need to just take a step back and chill for a bit y'know? in the 4 months of 2016, i have managed to spend more than a thousand bucks on makeup alone. i know. i am ashamed of myself and of my inability to have self-control. this is becoming a problem, but hey, the first step is to admit that you have a problem right?

however, though i regret the amount of money i've spent on makeup (read: hugely regret and omg i feel so guilty aaah) i can't seem to muster the same hate for the products that i've purchased. like, i ain't gonna lie, i love my makeup. this isn't some kind of self-revelation moment where i realize that i'm actually not into makeup that much, or that i'm very pretty already and don't need all this much makeup. no. i love makeup. lol. i am happy with a majority of the things that i have, and i want to use them up. my problem is that i have zero amount of self-discipline and i always want to try out new shades. but baby steps, girl, baby steps, and my first step towards makeup rehab is to STOP BUYING MAKEUP. 

this is gonna be so difficult, but i hope that posting this online holds me in some sort of sacred internet vow where i will be pelted with rotting vegetables when i walk outside, side-eyed by men with thick sideburns, and spat at by old ladies from romania should i fail. so, starting may 2016, i am on a makeup no-buy. a makeup no-buy is exactly that, you don't buy makeup. i am starting with just 2-3 months from now, and will see if my spirits have waned or not by then. i want to say that i won't be purchasing makeup EVER but i want to set a low, realistic goal for myself so that i don't feel overwhelmed and get frustrated. i know this will be hard for me, but i sure as hell hope that i will persevere. i can do this! 

okay, so that means a no-buy from may to july 2016. save that date jarvis. neeeext, i have also joined a challenge called the makeup use-up challenge for 2016. this is where i try to use up or at least hit pan on makeup products that i already have in my collection. i've been doing this since the start of this year anyways, and at first my goal was to finish/pan 10 makeup products. howeverrrr, since i am a makeup whore and continued buying shit even when i was trying to use up shit, i have amassed a LOT of new products this year alone, especially lipsticks. LIPSTICKS ARE SO ADDICTIVE YO. i have discovered that 2016 is my "year of the lipstick" because i've realized that no, actually lipsticks don't look bad on my face. (long story which i will tell in another post) 

so after careful consideration, i've decided that i need to use-up at least 20 items by 2016. doesn't matter what product it is, but i do have a list of items that i'm focusing on to pan or finish first. i also ended up throwing out a bunch of products which have dried out or just don't work for me at all, like seriously no amount of tears or blending can fix that. some of these items i have included in this challenge, simply because they were in my list of things that i wanted to use-up and kinda died while i was trying to use them up. sounds a bit cheaty, but honestly i'm not stopping just at 20 products yo so chill. 

so. here's the list of my items that i want to use up. note that i have more than 20 just so i can rotate them throughout the year as i please, it makes this challenge less stressful that way. (p/s: it annoys me that these are not categorized according to their use i.e. eyeliners, lipsticks etc, but i'll make another post on this i swear)

1. stila hydrating finishing powder
2. topshop skin glow
3. clinique chubby stick - whole lotta honey
4. the balm stainiac - beauty queen (finished this today woo!)
5. loving minerals blush - apricot
6. laura mercier eye pencil - black extreme
7. mac mineralize skinfinish natural - medium deep
8. marc jacobs re(marc)able concealer - 4 glow
9. elf matte bronzer
10. stila eyeshadow - sunset (from the in the light palette)
11. laura mercier hydrating primer
12. topshop waterproof eyeliner - burnished
13. revlon new complexion foundation - 05 medium beige
14. bare minerals ready foundation - r250
15. topshop cream blush - neon rose
16. benefit that gal primer (deluxe size)
17. benefit porefessional primer (deluxe size)
18. laura mercier tinted moisturiser - natural
19. loving minerals blush - terracotta
20. the balm batter up cream eyeshadow - grand slam pam
21. maybelline colour tattoo - inked in pink
22. guerlain kiss kiss lipgloss  - 462 violine
23. mac prep + prime highlighter - light boost
24. pupa diva's rouge lipstick - rossetto
25. mac studio finish concealer spf 35 - nw30
26. inglot precision eyeliner - 40
27. make up forever hd primer - green (old packaging)
28. nyx above and beyond full coverage concealer - yellow
29. loving minerals blush - wild rose
30. bourjois duochrome eyeliner - 59 violet rose
31. nyx slide on eyeliner - esmeralda 
32. collection lasting perfection concealer - 3 medium
33. bare minerals round the clock waterproof eyeliner - 7pm
34. estee lauder artist's eye pencil - 08 slate writer
35. d'herbs celak arab...lol that's it, that's the name. 
36. too faced air-buffed bb creme - cream glow
37. bourjois contour clubbing waterproof - bleu neon

so that's the list so far, phew! i tossed the loving minerals apricot blush and the bare minerals foundation because they did not work for mah face at all. AT ALL. i actually hate both of those with a passion haha. the topshop eyeliner i did like and use up which i'm very happy about. The stainiac i liked also, but honestly it wasn't anything special. 

i am so close to hitting pan or finishing some of these products i.e. the mac msfn and the laura mercier and inglot eyeliners. i am going to dedicate myself to using up these products and enjoying them. in the event where i can't make it work even after fruitless attempts, i will just toss them out. because seriously, i know it be a waste of money and all, but life is too short for me to be frustrated with something that i really should enjoy, right?

sorry about the shitty quality man.

so here's the layout of the products which i will be hopefully panning or using up by 2016. banyaknyeeee....i think i'm gonna make a separate post with more details on each product and how i feel about them. some of these have been in my past project pan...which failed. haha. but i'm a bit more confident and driven this time, fear not! 

that's all folks!

where are you now?

first of all, woah justin bieber song reference. lol. so, like, hi internet. *shyly waves* i know i know, i've been awol. i tend to do that a lot. but i'm here now, just have some free time on my hands so i thought to myself "hey, it's been a while since i've ranted out my innermost desires and opinions onto the web." so here i am.

i won't bother with life updates, just because life hasn't been too kin...no scratch that, i haven't been too kind to myself these past few years. suffice to say, the past 5 years were probably the hardest time of my life. no lie. i got sick, i got emotional, i got demotivated, i felt like hell.

buuuuuut...those things are over now. i hope. so now rather than reflect sadly upon the past (which i sadly cannot change anyway) i will now focus on bettering myself and enjoying the time that Allah has given to me. i will take the failures and experiences that i've had in the past and remember to never do them again in the future, insyaAllah. i honestly think that i've become a better person now, so there's at least that right? *so much vagueness sorry, these experiences are still very embarrassing and traumatizing for me*

so anyways, this is just a new post to celebrate the new me. i'm gonna write another post after this about makeup. okay i have been OBSESSED with makeup as of late, more so than usual pulak tu. help me i need makeup rehab. gah!

2015 sneaked up on me like a tiny ninja.

it's 2015.

is it really 2015?

god it really is 2015.

how the time flies. i haven't even finished my masters yet and the year's ended already. gahhh. i've only got myself to blame for that. i'm a completely lazy wanker. i'm just going to pretend that 2012 to 2014 never happened, and that i am an organised, hygenic, gorgeous goddess instead of the idiot that i really am. yes.

lol no.

to be fair, i am going to submit my draft thesis this february the 5th. yepppp. less than a month away. i am not even close to being done yet, but here i am, posting on blogger. like i said, i am a wanker, but mostly to myself. but i can do it. i'm gonna have to do it cos i got no choice tho, lolzzzz, die. 

so i had a looksee at my resolutions for 2014. mehh, they're typical resolutions. get healthier, be more positive, yadda yadda. don't think i've accomplished anything to be honest. i have lost some weight, and i did get lost often, but that's about it. i ate healthier some days, most days i ate chocolate and binge-watched videos on youtube. but i did feel like i was more positive this year. i wasn't as depressed and depressing as i was when i was sick, and i felt happier most of the times. that's a good start. ooh and i think i shopped less than i did the year before, but more than usual for a broke person. that's...nice?

john gets me. he totally does.

this year i have some new goals and some old ones. yeah i'll try to eat healthier foods and exercise more (tipu) and be more adventurous...but honestly i think i'm just gonna chill. 2015 will be the year that i do nothing. unlike the past few years. totally true. but i do have some things i have to complete this year. i've made very specific mini goals so that they seem less daunting...or more daunting, i really haven't decided yet.

so this year i will:

1. graduate with my masters degree - because if i don't then die la, no use living la cannot finish masters on time
2. get a job that pays actual money - so i can spend it all, woohoo to that!
3. have savings that i will totally not use of more than RM2000 - related to above. i'm not that convinced i can do this which is why i need to do it. maybe i'll use it to travel. i've always wanted to visit london. or new zealand. or greece. or turkey. or ireland. ok ok i'll stop. 
4. earn more than RM1000 in a single salary - dunno why i'm saying this, i've never had an actual job with a salary less than RM1000 (the temp ones don't count for me) but wahey i already typed it.
5. produce 1 journal paper - namely, the one journal paper that i should have done last year but i wasn't done with data collection yet so here i am, journal paper-less
6. lose 3 kg - lol very specific. i originally put 5 kg but i was like eff that i ain't gonna be that motivated. we'll see where this goes. 
7. finish the whole lord of the rings book trilogy (plus appendices?) - i'm extremely embarrassed and ashamed to say that i've never finished reading the lotr books. i know, blasphemy. but this year i will prevail and finish the books. i've already read the hobbit like 4 times so i should have no problems with this endeavor. i'm currently nearly finished with the fellowship of the ring and it's only january so i'm way ahead of schedule!
8. finish game of thrones series - yet another book series i neglected to read. love the tv series, am already on book 3 but i had to reset my phone so my e-book app had to be reinstalled and i lost track of my reading progress. fairly certain i can finish this series as i will have some time when i am unemployed later this year lol.
9. wear bright lipstick outside - this is a weird one. like, you know i like makeup right? but i am terrified of bright lipstick. terrified. i've always dreamed of being confident enough to rock some bright lips on a daily basis. while interacting with human beings. like woah. i have confidence issues when it comes to my lips, i think they're small and uneven and blegh. but i am lucky enough to have lips so i should be grateful and learn to love what i have. so yeah, bright lips. i really need to step out of my comfort zone this year and be a bolder, crazier version of myself! 
10. hit pan / finish 3 makeup products - this is a puzzle of mine. i never understand how people can finish a makeup product. like, i know i have a lot of shit but i've seen people with way more makeup that i have and they seem to be able to finish their stuff before they expire. i just can't. dunno how to. i think it's because i always try to be subtle with my makeup. i wear red eyeshadow but i don't make the colours super saturated and pigmented, i prefer them muted and blended...i think lah. well i'm not gonna turn into cakeface just to finish my makeup, but i want to use at least 3 items until they finish. not skincare cos i finish those all the time. i am confident i can do it though so no worries.
11. organise wardrobe - oh my goddd this needs to be done so badly. i have so many old clothes from 5 years back but i haven't worn them much because i tend to have favourites and only wear those but i can't throw these away cos they're so unused and i feel guilty and sad and i like them but not enough lol. i need to donate/wear/throw out half of these clothes and become more minimalist in my wardrobe approach. i feel zen just thinking about a cleaner wardrobe.
12. take better care of skin - i'm extremely thankful that 2014 was the year that my skin got better. like, it's improved by 80% i would say. i still have some issues with allergies and whatnot, but it's manageable, unlike 2012 and 2013 where i doped myself with antihistamines 90% of the time cos i couldn't stand the itch. this year i wanna make sure i use the right products for my skin and...well, not overuse products, you know? i wanna keep it to the basics. lessen the frills and excessive use of products. i think my skin will thank me for it.
13. find a friend for life - now this is a bit of a challenge for me. when i say friend for life i mean...you know. *blush* lmao. this year i will try to make more of an effort to find my one true love, the frodo to my sam. the sherlock to my john (and i am totally serious about this one). the peanut butter to my nutella. well actually i don't even mean just a boyfriend or whatever, i just mean a friend. someone in sync with me, someone who shares the same gruesome love for horror movies and loves cats and understands nerdy pop culture references and all that. someone who shares my passion for doc martens and is random like i am. someone who's different from me but complements me at the same time. i have a feeling this friend is somewhere out there being a lazy ass like me hence the reason i haven't found them yet lol. 
14. learn one new skill - i've always wanted to learn first aid. it's useful and not many people know it and it might save a life in an emergency. i've also wanted to learn martial arts. not taekwando. self-defence is important for me cos i'm always out by myself and i have no sense of awareness haha. or maybe i'll learn chinese. the options are endless.
15. do one thing by yourself - i always do things alone. it's just how it is for me now. but i always hesitate to do actual things alone. you know that going to shopping malls and watching a movie doesn't really count as useful. i want to do something like volunteer at a shelter or zoo or whatever. well it doesn't have to be by myself, but i mean that i shouldn't not do something just because there's no one else to do it with me. because then i'll miss out on life. and adventures.

aaaand that's it i guess. at the start of next year i'll probably come and visit this post and see how i did with my goals. i'm guessing i'll do horribly hahaha. oh well, such is life. laters!

p/s: in case you were wondering what colour i meant when i talked about bold lipstick, i'm talking about burgundy lips. like this picture:

these are a few of my favourite (makeup) things.

"be careful, you are not in wonderland.

i've heard the strange madness long growing in your soul. 

but you are fortunate in your ignorance, in your isolation.

you who have suffered, find where love hides.

give, share, lose - lest we die, unbloomed."

- kill your darlings

i am a makeup junkie. my obsession with makeup started quite recently (maybe 5 years back?) and i haven't looked back ever since. i like that i'm a jeans a t-shirt kind of girl but i wear makeup like a normal girl...if there is such a thing as a normal girl. 

of course as a makeup junkie there are hits and there are misses. i'm here to talk about the makeup hits, shit that i've bought and loved and find myself using a lot of the times. as a principle i never usually wear the same product consistently, i mean come on, makeup is all about the experimentation and the fun with colour and texture and stuff. but if there ever was a scenario where i had to choose one product from each of these makeup categories, these would be the things that i'd choose.

disclaimer moment though, i don't really wear makeup to attract people towards me. yes i feel more confident when i wear makeup, but only because it means that people are looking at me for me, and not cos i have a mahoosive pimple on my nose, or red patches around my mouth. it makes my face a blank canvas that i can decorate however i want. (trust me, i've worn unflattering looks before. red eyeshadow. emphasized my dark circles to make me look evil. it's fun.)

onwards!

birthday wishlist because why not eh?

"go shawty, it's your birthday" 

it's very nearly november, ladies and gentlemen. the colder months are ahead of us. and might i remind you that it's the birth month of a very special person, aka me? :p

i have compiled a list of things that i have been lemming for a long time, in case someone out there has useless piles of cash they'd want to donate my way. i don't ask for much, i don't expect cars or a house or piles of gold (though smaug is my spirit animal), just...a bunch of really awesome stuff. they don't cost much. i think.

onwards!

•  the witcher 3 wild hunt collector's edition

behold the greatness that is the witcher 3. the graphics look bangin'! for anyone who has never played the game, i'm warning you early on that this isn't suited for kids and people who hate monsters and shit. it also has a fair bit of nudity going on, because the white wolf is a playa' through and through. 

the game's set to be released on february 24 next year, but check out the collector's edition man. it's...it's gorgeous. i cannot wait to play this game. anyone who thinks that this might be their cup of tea should deffo play the enhanced editions of the witcher 1 & 2 because it's amazing. the storyline's amazing, the soundtrack is beyoooond amazing, and the graphics are awesome for their time. 

look at that beautimous collection yo! 

•  zara double breasted short coat

this ain't gonna be the first time i say this, but i really wish malaysia had cooler weather, at least cold enough for me to wear leather jackets without looking like an absolute moron. an absolute stinky moron. but alas, it is not fated to be. but i really do like a lot of jackets from zara usually, and this one really caught my eye.

much pretty, so wow.

that is a really nice jacket. seeing as i usually wear all black this'd be a nice pop of colour for my ensemble. but it's bloody expensive at rm460, i cannot see myself ever buying this unless it was 50% off. everything's so damned expensive these days. *grumbles*

• topshop arcade cutout chunky boots

ah, topshop booties. the bane of my existence. the thing that you have to know about a lot of topshop shoes is that most of 'em use pig skin lining. it's really such a shame, because a lot of the designs especially for the chunky boots are lovely and right up my alley. :(

i bought a pair of topshop boots for myself last year that wasn't of the oinky persuasion and they are super comfortable and awesome to wear. so i thought to myself, hey, why not get another pair, right? (wrong. i am a broke student and can't afford a new pair.) so look at these. these are nice right? 

shuweeeet

it's different from the one i have (there were a few other nice designs but they all looked kind of similar to the one i bought) and it has cutouts. cutouts! it looks really nice. i like nice things. why can't i buy nice things for myself? i deserve it for being awesome. these aren't bad, they're rm233 bucks (on sale online now apparently) buuuuuut, it's not stated whether these have pigskin lining or not, so that makes me anxious. i don't want to sacrifice my religious beliefs for a pair of shoes. nuh uh, no. but they still be pretty. 

• mustard or brown cable knit sweater/cardigan

this might sound a bit weird, but i have been really hankering for a mustard or brown cable knit sweater or cardigan recently. something like this:

it looks so...mustardy

aaaand well, to be honest, this is the picture that inspired me to search high and low for anything mustard to wear.

bwahhhhh so freaking stylish lah.

i really like the look. i really really like it. so i kind of looked around in my closet for something similar cos hey, i don't have style and i like to copy other people's k? but then it made me realise that i don't have a lot of brown or yellow or mustard coloured clothing in my closet. loaaaads of black though. and loads of military green too. but see, military green goes so well with brown and mustard that i'm kind of hitting myself in the head now for not using this colour combo before. it looks so effortless and cool. i...i am none of those things. but i can surely pretend to be. *stares off into the distance*

• diptyque philosykos eau de parfum

like a memory in a bottle

i have been lemming for this fragrance for more than a year now. in fact, i think it's been like 2 years or so since i first scented this work of art (i'm getting poetic here woah shut the front door). for those who've never heard of this fragrance before, in a nutshell, it smells like figs and cream. however, when i first smelled this (i bought a small 1ml vial from a lowyat forumer like 2 years back) it was like a memory for me: i imagined a fig orchard full of lush, beautifully ripe figs and me plucking one from the tree and taking a bite of it. it smells like earth and figs but it has this gorgeous creamy smell too at the end, it really is one of the most unique scents i've ever smelled. i also fell in love with fresh figs ever since i tasted them in saudi (they're not very cheap or readily available in malaysia tbh) and this scent makes me feel inexplicably happy and free. nevermind that i've never been to a fig orchard or seen a fig tree, hah. 

sadly enough, this fragrance costs a bomb. it's rm350 for 50 frickin' ml and rm450 for 100ml (not sure if the price has gone up). like, i'd totally buy it for myself if i had the money but i'm sadly a broke little student. however i am determined that one day i will own this fragrance. and the eu duelle one as well lol (that one smells of a rich sophisticated yet non-cloying vanilla)

oh and also, if anyone wants something similar in scent and pricetag there's also the l'artisan perfumeur fragrance in premier figuier which has the same notes as this one. that one had a lighter smell though, so i prefer philosykos for that reason.

• makeup!!!

of course there'd be makeup. my life would not be complete without throwing money at makeup counters and limited edition collections. for real though, makeup is an expensive hobby. i've been liking a few things from the makeup counters recently...however, i dunno, i don't feel like i need to own them or anything, i've somewhat mellowed down in the purchasing department. i think through my decisions a bit more nowadays, maybe cos i have so much shit already. 

there are some stuff i'd like to test out at stores though. some aren't available in malaysia, some are hard to get access to, some are just bloody expensive. haven't been liking anything from urban decay or mac recently, but the tarte holiday collection for 2014 is looking bloody amazing. 

tarte bon voyage collector's set & travel bag rm210

tarte pin up girl amazonian clay 12-hour blush palette rm159

i have also been lemming some hourglass stuff, but the brand's not available in malaysia so i'll have to go through a spree, and i don't like buying something unswatched...it has a higher risk of disappointment imho. 

hourglass ambient lighting powder palette

hourglass ambient lighting blush palette

another brand to watch out for is guerlain. they have some great makeup and fragrances. i don't own a lot of guerlain products because hello, expensive but the ones that i do have (spiriteuse double vanille perfume and the metorites come to mind first) has great quality and packaging. 

ooh, and one day i'd like to get my hands on some nars. i've been dying to try out their creamy radiant concealer to see if it can cover my stubborn dark undereye circles. also, nars sheer glow. also, their blushes. and cream eyeshadows. and eyeshadows. ohhhkay glad that the only nars store is in pavillion and i'm too lazy to get there cos i'd be broke if i ever went. sigh.

and that is it for my wishlist. i'm sure there's more to add but mehhhhh. tl;dr and all, you know? ta!

wash, rinse, repeat kind of life.

"darling, is this love?"

ehhhh what happened to this blog lah? no updates no nothing. been too lazy to write a post since i haven't exactly been traipsing around the world, living dangerously and having a good time. god my life is so dull right now lol.

aaaaanyways. studies have been better than before, just steadily trying to wrap up my masters thesis now, albeit super slowly. i'm getting there yo, i know i'm slow (got distracted with shit before) but i think i will actually graduate. sucks in breath i know right? shocking.

now that my life is slowly getting on track, i'm starting to wonder about my future. it was hard to think of the future back when i felt like my life was in shambles, a mess of nothings and deadlines and just me not wanting to do anything. but now i have to think of what's to come. 

what kind of person am i going to be? i wish there was a quiz out there that i could take that would accurately determine the kind of person i am destined to be. i know that i want to help people. i want to make the world a better place with my job. the whole reason of why i did my masters in ageing in place, a topic quite a different ways away from my quantity surveying degree, was to potentially be able to help people. nothing potentially life saving like a doctor or a soldier, but to me important nonetheless. 

i want to experience new things. my life feels like it's stuck in a loop. same shit, different day. i haven't done something that's scared me in a while now. i want to challenge myself, to become more than i ever thought i could be. and with the life i have right now my expectations aren't too high. 

i just want to finish this bloody masters and get it over with, so i can finally feel free. it's not the topic itself that's been chaining me down, you know, it's just how difficult the journey's been for me to get information from people, to research something so vast that it spans around 10 different sectors and i feel overwhelmed and even thinking about it makes me tired. it really has helped now that i've a more clear goal of my end results. 

i honestly don't know the kind of person i will be in say, 5 years from now. i just hope that i'll kick ass at whatever i'm doing. you know what? maybe i should make a 5 year plan. it certainly sounds appealing.

(yes i do need a to-do list of what i want to do in life. i am sad that way. i also love to-do lists.)

next post: my 5 year plan. huzzah!

project 10 pan: progress yo!

"i'm searching for a
change of pace"

hello, peeps! i promised updates on my journey with the project 10 pan that i posted before this, so here's my first one!

it's been half a month already of being reserved and using the same products and saving my pennies, and it's safe to say that i've failed. lolz. i ain't gonna sugarcoat it. i failed on the whole saving thing because i did cave in and buy some products this month, when i really shouldn't. but ah well, such is life. i still persevered somewhat in using the same products so that helps right? right?

i listed 10 products in here plus 3 extras, which are listed below. for those who don't know what the hell i am talking about a project 10 pan is when you select 10 products from your arsenal of makeup things and use them consistently in an effort to finish them. or something to that effect. in my case, i'm really just trying to kind of use these products more because i've been neglecting them, and if i happen to finish them huzzah for me!

so here's the update below, and now i finally have pictures yeay! (they were taken with my phone though sorreh)

1) nyx luxurious black label compact powder

i have been reaching for this powder on days where i wear makeup to just kind of set my foundation in place. i always set my whole face and not just my t-zone because i find that it helps my base last longer. i do actually quite like this now, it's got a good slim and sturdy packaging, the colour's not so off now, and it doesn't make my face look cakey. but to be fair, i do always finish my makeup with a spray (avene thermal spray @ mac fix + @ urban decay setting spray) because my skin's pretty dry. 

on another note, they don't sell this anymore because i can't find it on the nyx website. should i be concerned that this product might have expired? *shrugs*

amount of product left: used a few times but no dents showing yet. disappointed. will powder face more vigorously to create dent.

2) inglot amc undereye corrective illuminator

no swatchies of the colour cos it's completely run out boo

guess why this product's crossed out? guess why? that's right kiddies, i managed to finish this up! i am crazily proud of such a meager and sad accomplishment, but hey at least i did what i set out to do, which was to use this baby up. i've grown to really like this too as i've improved my base application skills and this doesn't look as grey as it did before. 

will i repurchase this? probably not, because there are so many other things out there i wanna try, even from inglot itself. and i do have another similar type of clicky pen highlighter thingy in the form of the loreal lucent magique light touch-up pen (too light for me but there was only 1 colour, so i was like yolo lolz). who knows one day i might be able to afford the yves saint laurent touche eclat concealer? *melampau*

amount of product left: 0% oh yeeeaaaaahhhh!

3) stage cosmetics blush in mimosa

look, swatch! much professional. so wow.

i've struggled with this one. i am a blush fiend, and i kind of have blush phases where i wear a certain product or colour for a period of time before getting sick of it. my current fave blush now is the clinique cheek pop blush in berry pop which is gorgeous. gorgeous! so i have been somewhat using this less than i should, even though the colour is this beautiful brown rose colour that looks nice with contoured cheeks. 

honestly though, maybe it's just cos i have a lot of blushes. i am absurdly proud of this fact lol. 

amount of product left: probably like 70% product still there. small round dent in the middle of the product and it's just begging to be more dented..that sounded kind of weird. 

4) the body shop bronzer in warm glow

i don't think i'll ever be able to finish this. honestly, how the fuck does someone use up highlighter? you need so little for the entire face. been using this as a highlighter all over the high points of le face and as eyeshadow. doesn't last too long but since i start getting a natural shine to my face anyways a few hours into my makeup it really doesn't matter. 

it's very pretty though. :)

amount of product left: still enough to last a lifetime. 

5) bourjois healthy mix foundation in 56 - light bronze

i didn't do too well with this one too, but not for the reasons i thought. i actually have been wearing minimal makeup lately so i've just been using concealer on the places where i need it. so not a lot of foundation action unless i'm having a bad skin day, then i'll use the mufe face and body foundation which is awesomecakes. i did use this a few times by itself or mixed with moisturiser for a lighter coverage.

on a random note i'm so grateful my skin's better now. still have spots and shit but i'm more confident in my own skin too, which is great. 

amount of product left: 3/4 of the product left to go!

6) mac mineralize skinfinish natural in medium deep

i'm happy to report that i do use this as a sort of blush/contour thing to define my chubby face. (god, even the word chubby sounds so happy, fat and cute. like marshmallows. lol.) it's subtle, but i've been liking subtle lately so it works. i never used to use bronzer or any darker shades on my face to define it, but i find that it makes such a difference to the overall look. i use this kind of as a setting powder on the areas that need to be contoured, so i don't need to set my makeup in those areas and make meself look like cake.  

the quality is good, and i'm contemplating getting this in a colour that suits my skintone. i just need to finish at least 2 face powders beforehand because i have a hoarding problem and i need help. 

amount of product left: dent is a bit larger but still a lot to go eh. 

7) the body shop vitamin e moisture serum

i have been using this diligently this month, and i concede that it's not a bad serum. it doesn't break me out or give me an allergic reaction, but i don't think it's that special anyway cos my oils are more hydrating. i'm saving up for better serums that can help my skin better, i'm sure there are better ones than this out there. 

amount of product left: there's like maybe 10% left now? wow!

8) first aid beauty anti redness serum

haven't used this as much as i should have, because i've been using the body shop serum and this vitamin c serum i got as a freebie from an online purchase lol. this is a good product, it helps calm down skin somewhat and it reduced my redness a bit when i had redness in my skin from allergies and all, but now my skin's behaving a bit better so i don't really get much benefits from this serum. 

amount of product left: i'd say 35%. 

9) inglot soft precision eyeliner in black (40 i think)

ehm, i haven't been using eyeliner too much these days. well no that's a lie, i do use eyeliner but i usually just tightline, and this eyeliner is not good for tightlining because it's got glitter particles in it. glitter's not good for the eyeballs, yo. and most days i just use mascara, because i've been getting into mascaras lately cos they make my eyes look brighter. so i fail at this one. fail fail fail.

in the swatch you can see that the colour's kind of grey black. it's certainly not a pitch black (yes there is a difference, shockingly enough). the swatch beside it is the eyeliner i've been using for my waterline, it's the laura mercier eye pencil in black extreme. it's darker than the inglot eyeliner, but the darkest eyeliner i've ever laid my eyes on is still the urban decay 24/7 liner in perversion. dayum that thing is black. 

amount of product left: still 7.5cm left. 

10) thebalm liquid timebalm spot concealer

i have been liking using this as my face base! i never thought i'd see the day, because i love foundation because it gives such an even canvas to work with. but i'm letting my good skin breathe, and this has helped in covering my blemishes and crap. put this on my spots, blend with buffing brush and set. simple. this used to make my skin a bit itchy i think, but apparently not now, but i still play it safe and avoid putting it near my eye area where my eczema's more prone to occur. 

amount of product left: less than 2/3 left? i have no clue man.

11) extra: youngblood mineral primer 

i am proud to say that i've been using this regularly, even when i go out of the house in my au naturel state. this diffuses my pores and mattifies my face a bit so i don't look like an oil slick, a problem that still happens even with my drier skin. this is good. i hate the packaging though because the cap keeps coming off. the writing's also all rubbed off as you can see, which irks me a bit because this shit was expensive so one would have expected better packaging. but i guess they put cash in the product not the packaging so that's good.

amount of product left: 1/3 left! woohoo baby! 

12) extra: urban decay eyeshadow primer potion in sin 

i use this sometimes as eyeshadow, haven't used it a lot though. it's a pretty champagne colour and it's flattering, but i dunno, it's a bit too shimmery for me. i tried patting it in instead of rubbing though and that looked way nicer so yeah, a work in progress still.

amount of product left: still 3/4 left.

13) extra: barry m dazzle dust in 100

haven't used this much as i haven't used eyeshadow, same deal. i think i used it like twice maybe? pity, it's a really lovely colour. but i'm not that worried cos this'll last a long time since it's not a cream product. i might try out this look one day, cos it's teh bomb.

cantiknye akak ni lol.

look at that pop of gold! fabulous i say, fabulous. anyways, yeah i should use this eyeshadow a lot more. 

amount of product left: lots to go. really, not kidding.

ah well, that's it from me. i had the urge to blog and edit pictures so this is the result.

ta!

my probably overambitious project 10 pan, woohoo!

my name is muzicphreak, and i am a makeup hoarder. 

it started about 5 years or so ago. i just started getting a bit of a crush on the world of makeup. i was fascinated with how some colour on the cheeks could make a person look healthier, or how a dash of red lipstick made a woman look more confident. most of all i needed it because i looked too much like a kid and people had a hard time taking me seriously lol. 

but thus i began liking, nay, loving makeup. it's lead up to today, where i have an ikea helmer drawer filled with makeup.

not included in the picture: a shitload of makeup.

it is rather excessive, since i do only have one face to actually make up, but i find that i really, really like makeup. like, i like applying it because i feel like my face is a canvas and i can get to mess around with it anyway i want. if i'm feeling cray-cray i use funky eyeshadows and i wing my liner way out like a mofo, if i'm feeling particularly devious i use dark colours and make myself look evil. it's fun, it's like putting on a costume or a disguise. i honest to god sometimes go out because i just want to wear makeup. i am kind of nuts. 

however, all this experimenting does come with a price. a hefty price. i often find myself wandering the aisles of sephora or the drugstore looking for something cool to experiment with. as a result, i am broke as a mofo (this is normal though, i've learned to embrace this). but i kind of want to control myself a bit more, be a bit more disciplined about how and when i spend my money. so i've decided to do a project 10-pan. 

what is a project 10-pan? well, the definitions vary (lol can you tell i've been working on my masters thesis?) but basically it's when you choose 10 products of your choice that you want to try to use up under a certain amount of time. you cannot buy new makeup unless you have finished the same item from the 10 items you've chosen. so for example, if i wanted to buy a new foundation, i would have to use up the old one first.

i have went ahead and chosen 10 products that i want to use up, along with some others that i want to kind of use more because for some reason or other they have been neglected in my makeup drawer, looking and lonely and sad because i haven't used it much. these products are:

1) nyx luxurious black label compact powder

bought this in saudi like about 3 or 4 years ago maybe? barely used it as there weren't any testers in store so i bought it (or ahem, my mom bought it for me) blind not knowing how the colour looked like. turns out it's a bit too light for my skin. now that i'm using sunscreen more regularly my skin's gone a bit lighter so this works out okay for me, so i'm gonna try to use this as much as i can and make a sizeable dent just so it's not wasted. 

amount of product left: a lot. doesn't look like it's been used at all in fact. :\

2) inglot amc undereye corrective illuminator

bought this baby like maybe 2 years ago, so it's not that old teehee. it's an undereye illuminator, but i use it mainly like as a highlighter on places where the light hits. i used to quite like it before even though it was a bit light for my skin (it's hard to find suitable stuff for my skintone) but now i feel like it's kind of drying. anyways, i don't think there's a lot of uses left for this one so i'm gonna persevere and finish it up. 

amount of product left: not sure, probably 20%?

3) stage cosmetics blush in mimosa

stage cosmetics was a malaysian cosmetics brand with kind of good quality products. unfortunately i think the brand is no more because all of their stores have closed down a while back. i bought this blush on sale a really long time ago and used to use it a lot until my blush hoarding tendencies became more prominent. it's a beautiful colour, like a mauvy rose i'd say? common colour, but still quite nice. not very long lasting though.

amount of product left: a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll...er, a long way to go.  

4) the body shop bronzer in warm glow

my first ever highlighter! i really wonder why they call this a bronzer because it is shimmery as fahhhhkkk. i like this and it has lasted me an extremely long time (honestly, there's barely even a dent in it!). however the shimmer's a bit more pronounced compared to my favourite highlighter the mary lou-manizer from thebalm. i think it's a baked "bronzer" because it's got that domed effect going on. i'm gonna try to use this one everyday but i don't see myself making that much of a difference because how much shimmer can i pile onto my face without looking like a gay vampire?

amount of product left: enough to highlight face until retirement

5) bourjois healthy mix foundation in 56 - light bronze

ooh, my mom bought 2 of these for me from saudi. this is my second bottle of the stuff, and i do quite like it. it smells amazing, like putting fruits on yo' face. unfortunately as time goes on i've realised that this shade runs a bit pink-toned so it makes my face look kind of ashy. not very obvious unless you see a before and after picture but it kind of bugs me. plus i find the coverage to be quite thick now so it clings to dry patches on bad skin days. i'll try to soldier on with this and will use it unless my skin's being very naughty that day.

amount of product left: 80% or thereabouts.

6) mac mineralize skinfinish natural in medium deep

now this is a product i really do quite like a lot and would have used a lot more, if not for the fact that it's become too dark for me. gahh i never thought i'd see the day. it used to match me perfectly and it's a good powder to set foundation if you wanted a flawless finish. now when i use it though, my face looks really dark. *sadface* so unless i tan i can use this as my bronzer which is lucky cos i'm in a bronzing phase. 

amount of product left: a dent is visible, but no pan seen. a lot to go.

7) the body shop vitamin e moisture serum

this was bought last year, so yeah, it's not expired yet. my skin's a bit wonky cos sometimes it's dry and sometimes i break out like a pre-teen. it's quite frustrating. i'm halfway through this product and i don't think it'll be a hassle to actually finish this. the only reason i think i stopped was because i started using facial oils and liked that better, and because this has fragrance in it which kind of scares me. i'll use it up if it doesn't make me break out in hives. 

amount of product left: one third left. no problemo!

8) first aid beauty anti redness serum

can you tell i like serums? this was bought i think nearly 2 years ago when my skin was out of whack and i was super dry and scaly and sensitive. i had hives all over my face and so i wanted something that could help with calming down my skin. this stings when i put it on my face. stings! but it does disappear in a while, but my face feels slightly warm and weird. does that mean that it's working? dunno. it is quite good in calming down the skin; i used it today on my mouth area because i'm kind of having a reaction there for some reason, and it really helped. i probably won't repurchase though because my skin's been behaving a lot better now. 

amount of product left: dunno, package is opaque. i'd wager 40% is left.

9) inglot soft precision eyeliner in black (40 i think)

an old product. it's not bad, it's not really good either. i think i'm not partial to it because it's got tiny specks of silver glitter in it, and i don't really do glitter liners. it's also not waterproof and does smudge throughout the day, but it works well enough for a normal day out if i smudge it out and set it well. honestly i have so many black eyeliners that i need to go through, and i will not repurchase this cos there are better ones out there that are prolly cheaper. 

amount of product left: measures 7.5cm with cap off. hmm.

10) thebalm liquid timebalm spot concealer

eep i don't know how old this one is. quite old i'd reckon. i never used to be a concealer kind of person cos i was too lazy, but now i appreciate the use of it now and then. this has tea tree oil in it and is supposedly good for spots. i find it kind of too liquidy for me to do any good because i touch my face a lot so this'll wear off in no time even if i set it. but it's still okay to use for minor spots.don't think i can use this for my demonic dark under eye circles cos i think they make my eye area itch. 

amount of product left: i think there's quite a lot left. not sure, maybe 2/3.

11) extra: youngblood mineral primer 

is it true that good quality mineral makeup never actually expires? that sounds...iffy. but if that were true then this primer is still ok because it's been like 3 or 4 years and it's still going strong! it does have a fishy smell going on which is super alarming, but upon experimentation my face is still ok and it still works well. this is a great primer because my skin feels super smooth after using it and i need like a teensy amount only, smaller than a pea. and hot dang it cost an arm and a leg, so i'ma keep using it until it kind of...well, reacts? :p

amount of product left: halfway there.

12) extra: urban decay eyeshadow primer potion in sin 

this one's still in the old packaging. bought 3 years ago i think, but hardly used because even though it's a gorgeous champagne colour it is kind of super shimmery when applied wrongly. i am no longer a shimmer fan, i mean i like subtle shimmer but this is kind of like scary shimmer where i feel like my eyes are super obvious and scary looking. have to use this up slowly even though i've been skipping the eyeshadow lately.

amount of product left: 3/4 maybe, cos i don't use it a lot.

13) extra: barry m dazzle dust in er...100? (it's gold. or copper. or bronze. not sure) 

this one's quite recent. it's an eyeshadow pigment. it's honestly sooooo pretty, and i really like it but it's quite a faff to use cos it's a potential spill hazard and it's in a small jar so i usually forget about it. but i feel like this'd be nice used all by itself with just eyeliner. will use it more and make a dent in it. 

amount of product left: hah, it still looks new and full of sparkly goodness. lots to go!

aaaaaand that's it! these are the things that i am gonna work with first. now, i'm not saying i'm gonna stick to this system faithfully, because of several reasons. sometimes the products don't work for me on certain days. with this i mean my face products like concealer and foundation; some days my skin is dry and some days it's okay. on dry days the healthy mix serum accentuates my dry patches so i can't use it, or i will kind of mix it with moisturiser. we'll see how this goes. 

so i'm starting this for a month first to see how i fare, and then work on an update from there and see. ooohh this is quite exciting i must say. i do hope i can stick to these things cos i really need to use up some stuff so i can make way for new stuff muahahaa.

okay, that is all. i might edit this to include pictures but we'll see!