Sunday, September 13, 2009

This love has let you down.

"Stop playing with my heart,
you're tearing me apart."

I'm moving on.

I have to move on; there's nothing left in the past for me but broken memories. Memories that used to feel so sweet now just makes my heart feel heavy and unwanted.

Unwanted. That's probably the best way to describe how I feel right now. It's probably hard to love someone like me, but one day I hope someone can. If there isn't anyone...well, I guess I'll have to get a pet or something right?


Nobody will like me. I might as well get this over with. I'll grow old, and wrinkly, and no man will ever like me because I'm a horrible person to be with. I'm needy, and moody, and I get jealous easily, and I'm tough to be around because I'm not exactly eye candy, as I'm not pretty or beautiful or cute or whatever. If I ever get married it'd probably be arranged out of desperation by my parents, where the guy hates my guts and will never look at me other than to call me names like 'fat' and 'idiot'.

Well guess what, future husband of mine. You don't have to bother telling me those things, because I already know. Look at my first ever relationship. See how it broke apart so easily? See how we went from holding hands to barely talking to each other? It's probably all my fault.

If only I tried harder, if only I let him do whatever the hell he wanted, he might have still liked me enough to be honest with me and tell me that I'm not the one for him. He probably wants a beautiful girl who loves to cook and doesn't laugh like an idiot at every given joke. He probably wants someone who's really good with kids and who's not awkward around grownups. He'll probably want kids who're tall, with good genes and nice straight hair and long, slender hands.

I don't know what he wants. I don't know what all guys frickin' want, and now I don't really care anymore because I don't wanna get married anyway. Love is just one fucking heartbreak after the other and no matter what I do nobody will ever be satisfied or happy. I'm supposed to just understand someone when he doesn't speak to me and I'm supposed to fall in love with someone when he doesn't even...he doesn't even like me.

Moving on's going to be a bit harder than I thought.

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